Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML
Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, as I'd also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML
Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML
Today, I was walking down the train station steps, in no rush, as my train wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes. I managed to trip down the last 5 steps and break my ankle. Oh, and I got to watch my train drive away. FML
Annalivliv tells us more.
So I tried to follow this up before but my comment wasn't posted properly. OP here. Turns out I broke my ankle in 3 different places and tore some ligaments. However, I figure it could be much worse. I'm just happy I could finally get something published. The banter in the comments isn't bad either.
Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML
Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML
Today, I went to a job interview. I never applied for the job, they'd sought me out, had a phone interview, and sent samples, all before the face-to-face interview. Turns out none of the people I met with had even read my resume or writing samples. I was told I might not be a good fit. FML
Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML
Today, I updated my list of "quit smoking rewards" to include new clothes. New clothes to fit my new voluptuous body, because the question of how I used to stay thin has been answered. FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML
Today, I barely drink and have never touched tobacco or drugs, but my body has become so accustomed to my prescription medications that missing even one dose will cause withdrawal-induced chills and vomiting. I take them for a chronic illness, and can't switch to anything else. FML
MommyMerida tells us more.
OP here, I had posted a lengthy explanation but while one of my comments appeared, that did not. Not sure why... I have a severe form of bipolar disorder. After I was diagnosed, I spent several years in and out of the hospital as my doctor tried me on almost every type of mood stabilizer and antipsychotic in existence. During that time, I was pretty much unable to function. After a long trial-and-error period, we found the medications I'm on now. I've been taking them for several years now and since then, I've been able to go back to school, succeed at my degree, get a job in my field, get married, start a family (after seeing the right specialists and taking all the necessary precautions) and lead a normal life. Considering how long it took to find the right combination and dosages of medication, my psychiatrist and I are both scared switching would upset that balance. Confirming our fear is the fact that every time we've tried to lower the dosage even slightly, I've started getting symptoms and we've had to bring th dosage back up. As to why I would miss a dose, it happens very rarely, but on occasion I've had to skip one because I needed to be 100% awake and present for something and knew I couldn't achieve that with the side effects of my medication. That being said, the half-life is long enough that skipping one dose, once in a while doesn't have a noticeable effect. I'm also very careful about not doing that if I feel fragile, because having dealt with my illness for over a decade now, I know my limits and want to make sure things never go back to the way they were before I was stable. I'm very grateful for having been able to find the right treatment and would never do anything to jeopardize it, like going off my medication without a doctor telling me to. I have no illusions about what's made me stable. It is a little scary, though, thinking that my body needs the medication that much...
Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML
Today, I finally managed to get my ghostly white legs tanned. It was during a yoga lesson, and I was wearing my knee braces. Half of my legs are now a shade darker. FML
Kurliez408 tells us more.
Kurliez408 32
OP hear! So to clear up- It usually takes me forever to tan, and this was a yoga lesson which my teacher randomly decided to hold outside (I also got sunburned). Due to my f*cked up knees I wear braces that go from above my knees to below them. My tan line starts half way down my shin! I was also wearing an X back tanktop so clearly this was not the summer tan I longed for hahaha. Maybe it will be a new trend! Who knows in these crazy times!
Today, just like any other day, I came home from work to find all my cabinets opened, my couch cushions on the floor, my sink drain filled with items, my shoes scattered all over my apartment, etc. I thought I was adopting a kitten, but it turns out it was actually the Antichrist. FML
Mfisher394 tells us more.
OP here. He is about 6 months old now, so not exactly a "kitten" anymore, but still. He is honestly the weirdest kitten I've ever had. He eats everything, opens all my kitchen & bathroom cabinets, somehow throws all my couch cushions on the floor, puts things in my sink & toilet, climbs up my walls, jumps inside my inclosed shower then knocks everything down inside, jumps on top of my flat screen and walks across the top, eats my hair in my sleep, and attacks everyone who comes into my house that isn't me. I have an slightly older cat (1y 6m) who had a stroke and now has some brain damage, and she thinks he is the weirdest thing ever! Lol! Luckily they get along well! I love him to death, but I was totally unaware of what I was getting into. Ha!
Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML
Today, my favorite necklace fell off at school. Later, I saw another girl wearing it. When I told her it was mine, she accused me of trying to steal it and that it was a gift from her sister. I might have thought she had an identical necklace, except I hand-made mine. FML
Kurliez408 tells us more.
Kurliez408 32
OP here! I really enjoyed (most of) those comments! This actually happened about 10 years ago xD I did call her out on it and told her I hand-made mine. She reluctantly handed it over, which she wouldn't have done if it was REALLY from her sister! For those saying I could've shown a picture- again, 10 years ago haha. Phone cameras were pretty crappy and less popular. Plus I only had the necklace for about two weeks. All's well that ends well and let the stealer go sulk to her friends!
Today, my dentist discovered that, at 21, I still had a baby tooth, and asked if I wanted it pulled. My mouth was already numb, so I said sure. Turns out the numbing wore off. The dentist pulled it anyway. FML
Angela K. S. Stewart tells us more.
Hey y'all, op here. I submitted this while I was logged out, hence why it's not under my name. This actually happened a year ago, I'm 22 now. Thought I'd clear some stuff up. Yes, It hurt like hell. Yes,I screamed like a banshee. No. My dentist didn't notice I was in pain (how, I don't know, since his assistant literally had to hold me down to prevent me from ripping his hands out of my mouth). Yes, There was an adult tooth underneath, which they determined from x rays. Yes, I continue to see the dentist. He's actually a really good dentist and apologized profusely for this. I have a very healthy adult tooth now where the baby tooth used to be. I am, however, even more terrified of the dentist now than I was before.
Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards, and my monthly paycheck was in that purse. FML
Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML
Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML
Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML
Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML
Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML
Today, the girl I have a huge crush on only likes my Instagram posts if it's a post about food. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML
Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML
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