Today, I've been stuck in a minimum wage job since I was 15. I'm now 22 and I have no idea where I'm going in life. FML
Today, I’ve suffered my whole life with a bunch of genetic conditions and I found out why at my dad's funeral. A bunch of relatives from America attended and one of them secretly told me my parents emigrated to England under a cloud of shame because they were brother and sister. I’m inbred. FML
Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML
Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML
Today, my girlfriend found the airtag I'd stuck under her car. The police were called and she kicked me out of her apartment. FML
Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML
Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML
Today, after a long day at work, my legs were aching by the time I got home. Tired, I tried to go to bed early. Now the only thing preventing me from sleeping is the pain in my legs. It’s 4 a.m. now and no luck. FML
Today, I reduced a customer to tears and she had a tantrum, saying that nobody loves her, her life is a joke, and she’d be better off dead. This ordeal happened to grab the attention of my manager who was nearby. All I did was tell her that an item she wanted was sold out and offered to help her order it online. FML
Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML
Today, after two failed long-distance relationships, I was so happy to finally meet a local guy I really liked. After an amazing date, he shared that he'll be moving to the exact opposite side of the country in two weeks. FML
ThisIsYourDoc tells us more.
Hello, OP here. Haha yes, i posted the one where my boyfriend wanted my emotional support for getting mistreated by the girl he cheated on me with. That was why one of these long distance relationships that failed. :/ It has actually been longer ago than when I posted, but I didn't feel like posting anything back then. By now I find the situation so bizarre, I can laugh about it :D
Today, my OnlyFans account got deactivated, and no one will give me a reason as to why. There goes $200… FML
Today, I found out on LinkedIn that my dad follows and endorses a successful cousin of ours. I guess I didn't make the cut. FML
Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML
Today, my husband guilt-tripped me for buying a $14 purse. According to him, my old one, with its busted zipper, frayed hems and holes in the interior, was still “perfectly good to hold all your crap.” I literally only have one purse. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, my dad told my little brother that Tokyo is in China. This is the same guy who yells at me every time I get a "B" on a report card. FML
Today, after already living with two wasps' nests, as well as gnats that plague our flower pots, we've also discovered moths in our pantry, who've ruined all of the food. FML
Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let rip a loud fart. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML
Today, assuming he'd be okay with it, I brought my two kids with me on a first date, as I didn't want to pay for child care. My date made me pay for the kids' meals and my own, then blocked my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was hungover the day of my cousin's wedding and fell asleep in the limo. I woke up to everyone telling me we had arrived, so I got out and started mingling. It took me a minute to realise I didn’t know anyone. Those bastards had dropped me at someone else’s wedding as a prank and drove off. FML
Today, my boyfriend spent half his paycheck on gourmet steaks, bacon, and all sorts of other meat. When I reminded him we were trying to go meatless to help the planet, he said, "Yeah, I'm done with that. The planet can burn." We'd only been vegan three days. FML
Today, my friend sent me a weird selfie in black and white. I sent one back, and she said I looked like an 80s porn star. It was funny, but then three of my friends had the same reaction. I didn't even look good in the picture. FML
Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right; she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML
Today, I managed to get pregnant on purpose, in hopes to get my cheating boyfriend to stop seeing his side piece. Turns out he’s "not ready to be a dad" and prefers the homewrecking skank and left. Now I’m stuck with rent I can’t afford by myself, and a baby I don’t even want anymore. FML
Today, my little brother compared my new haircut to the one Hermione has in the first Harry Potter movie. I assumed this was a compliment, until my sister said, "Hermione's haircut is really cute" and he replied, "Seriously? She looks like shit." FML
Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML
Today, I inherited several buttloads of money from my grandmother, including property, and by gosh did so many relatives appear from the woodwork to remind me of money granny owed them, or how they just needed an investment to kickstart their business venture. The whole lot of them can screw off. FML
Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML
Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home, I realized I'd actually had it in my other binder. FML
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