Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML
Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML
Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML
Today, I went to a doctor's appointment to figure out why I've suddenly started going deaf. As it turns out, for some reason my ears now produce wax at an alarmingly fast rate. "Enough to make an entire candle before long if you save it up," the doctor said when she cleared them out. I guess this is my life now. FML
Today, something blocked my ear. I couldn't get it out, so I went to Urgent Care so I didn't pop my eardrums. Turns out my allergies made my ears stop draining. After they rinsed my ears, I can now hear almost nothing. FML
Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML
Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML
Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
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Top comments
JackWood 21
That sucks and it could have been prevented in a number of ways.
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!" is not supposed to be life advice, friend.
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Comments (7)
JackWood 21
That sucks and it could have been prevented in a number of ways.
FluffythePink 23
This is why we don't stick things in our ears. Also, cotton buds/q-tips can leave cotton fiber's in the ear canal and cause ear and actual brain infections. The other reason not to use cotton buds. The silicone ear cleaners are much safer and better for the environment.
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!" is not supposed to be life advice, friend.
Chazzster 32
And this is one of the reasons it’s not a good idea to marry a child… Adults don’t wait until their bladder is about to burst and then run desperately to the bathroom… But seriously, sometimes shit happens. I would definitely say it was the wife’s fault, but obviously this was an accident - Just a really stupid and unnecessary one.
D J's MOM 17
damn i feel for you, you're screwed. that same thing happened to someone i know and agree had permanent hearing loss in that ear. I just hope it ends better for you.
n3rdn3ss 8
Or you know, lock the door?
Hangryko 32
YDI for using cotton swabs in your ears. Their packaging specifically says not to use them for that purpose for the very thing that happened to you (minus the rushing wife).