NoHappyEndings · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Dundalk, United States

Hello?

Today, it's been four weeks since I got a job offer after months of grueling interviews. I turned down other offers to accept the job, but I'm still unemployed because no one at the company will take my calls about my official start date. I've been ghosted by a corporate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239 You deserved it 432

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Anonymous · 4 April 2025, 15:00 ·Australia

Carplayed out

Today, I couldn’t find my phone as I left work, but knew it was on me since CarPlay connected. Later, the music cut out speeding up onto the freeway. I then recalled placing it on the roof as I loaded up the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 521

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NurseIAm · 4 April 2025, 12:00 ·Belchertown, United States

A shadow of my former self

Today, I interviewed at a hospital and shadowed on the unit. Within two hours, I had been splashed with blood, and witnessed a young patient abruptly die, imprinting a horrible memory. Traumatized, and not even selected for hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 4 April 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Mucky

Today, I discovered that my body wash bottle's top came open last night without me realizing it. Space is limited in my bedroom so the only place I could put it (I live with my parents and they can be absentminded) was behind the TV. The good news is it didn't get on the TV; the bad news is it's all over the stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 376

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BadgerSpirit · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 007 You deserved it 44 241

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Anonymous · 4 April 2025, 03:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Stir crazy

Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 4 April 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Oh hi!

Today, I was at a theme park with an old friend. We were standing in line when she reached into my shorts and pulled my thong so high it was almost to my shoulders. It would’ve been fine if I didn’t see my boss behind us in line who saw the whole thing. She waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406 You deserved it 125

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Cozy

Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 92

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newguy · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hazing ritual

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 575 You deserved it 4 879

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Olivia · 3 April 2025, 15:00 ·Monterey, United States

Speech! Speech!

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 498

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 12:00 ·Austin, United States

Hold the line

Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279 You deserved it 278

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i hate it here · 3 April 2025, 09:00 ·United States

It's about control

Today, after three years of letting everyone work remotely and do our thing, my company suddenly demanded everyone return to the office. Now I get sit in traffic for two hours every day just to join Zoom calls from a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238 You deserved it 4 093

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 03:00 ·Portland, United States

Regular occurrence

Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 484

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 00:00 ·Addition Hills, Philippines

Overload

Today, I was supposed to have a therapy session for my anxiety about work, but it got cancelled. My boss has been berating me for 2 weeks about my performance as a newbie. I feel like she doesn't like me and it's messing with my work even more. I'm dreading going to work tomorrow with the same problem. I can't get fired again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 141

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Despair · 2 April 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Deluxe Memory Man

Today, I was at my girlfriend’s family dinner when her father suddenly raised a glass and said, “Let’s all raise a toast to the new couple!” I looked at my girlfriend, confused, only to realize he meant her brother and his now fiancé, who had just announced their engagement an hour earlier. I quickly but awkwardly raised my glass to avoid admitting my memory is dogshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114 You deserved it 409

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#ThanksObama · 2 April 2025, 20:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

Retromania

Today, I went to buy groceries and got hit with a wave of nostalgia… not because of the products, but because I remember when a carton of eggs didn’t cost as much, if not more, than a gallon of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328 You deserved it 112

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rejected · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Classic

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said, "Well, you could always ask me." I then said, "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was, "Nope… now that's 8!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 675 You deserved it 28 984

222 comments Share

A…… · 2 April 2025, 15:00 ·Prague, Czechia

Authoritarian regime

Today, after my husband yet again failed to complete his To-Do list, I took away his Xbox and PlayStation and told him he could have them back once the list was done. He stared at me and said, "No. You're not my mother. Give them back and we will talk like adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 You deserved it 1 215

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Anonymous · 2 April 2025, 12:00 ·Australia

Worst teeth in the game

Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 84

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Anonymous · 2 April 2025, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Never enough, never

Today, after I took my mom her favourite wine, a card, and an expensive orchid for her conservatory, and also spent all Saturday afternoon with her and took her out for lunch, what did she post on Facebook? Her disappointment that I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with her on Sunday because I was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507 You deserved it 74

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floff · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

The tape

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 905 You deserved it 302

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Respect the handyman · 2 April 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Gimme a break

Today, after days of my wife nagging me, I started working on the flat pack furniture she ordered. Every twenty minutes, she interrupted me to demand I stop and help her with something trivial and irrelevant. Now I remember why I postpone projects as long as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 122

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Rizuki_Tsurai · 2 April 2025, 00:00 ·Addition Hills, Philippines

Out of the frying pan into another frying pan

Today, after I got fired from my job last year because I couldn't handle the pressure of being under a PIP by a company who wants to underhandedly cut off employees, I got a new job. My new boss keeps hounding me about my performance and I feel like she doesn't like me. I live alone, have no savings and I can't afford being fired again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 125

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Krissy · 1 April 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Coyness is nice, and coyness can stop you…

Today, I went to a friend's party, only to realize I was in the wrong apartment, after getting the address confused. Instead of awkwardly leaving, I stayed for a bit and pretended I was someone’s cousin. I was oddly suspicious that no one noticed me mingling, but then it turned out to be a shady MLM recruitment party for a leggings company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 You deserved it 433

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Anonymous · 1 April 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

Bundled

Today, I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions and signed up for a “bundle deal” to save money. Turns out the deal was just all my old subscriptions repackaged under a new name. I’m still paying the same price, but now with ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 You deserved it 475

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madiison09 · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Overjoyed

Today, I got a letter from Yale Law School saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing… even the bottom of the letter, which said, "April fools' ! Love, Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 812 You deserved it 6 626

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GW. · 1 April 2025, 16:00 ·Orange, United States

The horror

Today, I have norovirus and my period. I feel like I’m emitting fluids from every hole I have. The toilet looks like something out of a horror movie every time I use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485 You deserved it 80

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Anonymous · 1 April 2025, 14:00 ·Lidingoe, Sweden

No good role models these days

Today, after another failed relationship, I started thinking about role models for what I could do better next time. After going through every relationship and marriage among my family and friends, I realized that almost all either already ended or are worse than the one I just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 101

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Bradley Earl · 1 April 2025, 12:00 ·Lansing, United States

Wait, what?

Today, my girlfriend was a mystic and I'd told her not to use FML because it seemed negative. I think it feels controlling and I don't want that. I also deleted a file that was about fear of her husband dying because she lost her dad. I wish I could go back and be on FML too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 You deserved it 478

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