I hate myself · 25 March 2025, 09:00 ·San Jose, United States

Screen time

Today, I realized I had been staring at my phone for an hour without doing anything else. When I looked up, I noticed my mom had been standing in the doorway, shaking her head at me for a solid five minutes. I hadn’t noticed her. I wish I could use this laser focus to study for my college exams instead of wasting my time doomscrolling Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 You deserved it 486

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Butterfly

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to being in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 578 You deserved it 2 873

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Lolo · 25 March 2025, 03:00 ·Boston, United States

Explosive

Today, I went to the library to study an upcoming exam. I sat in a quiet corner and was feeling focused. Suddenly, I sneezed so loudly that the entire library went silent. I could feel the stares of every student on me as I tried to pretend I didn’t just disrupt the entire study session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 25 March 2025, 00:00 ·Canada

Hangry

Today, McDonald's screwed up my order 3 whole times. GIVE ME MY NUGGETS PLEASE. HOW CAN SOMEONE MAGICALLY FORGET 40 NUGGETS? FML

I agree, your life sucks 369 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 24 March 2025, 22:00 ·Australia

Cute kitty

Today, after I'd ordered a cute dress online for an upcoming date, I tried it on, only to realise it was more of a glorified napkin than a dress. The tag online had said “One size fits all.” I now have a dress that fits my cat better than it fits me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 173

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Anonymous · 24 March 2025, 20:00 ·New York, United States

I love your work!

Today, I was in a bodega when I spotted a celebrity I’ve had a huge crush on for years. I decided to go up and introduce myself, but instead of saying something cool, I panicked and shouted, "I love your cereal!" They looked confused, and I immediately realized I was staring at the wrong person, just someone who just looked a lot like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 519

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thesitter · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Realistic

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see, but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611 You deserved it 8 289

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Nic · 24 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Tight knit family

Today, I found out my oldest brother is getting married in two weeks. I heard about it through one of my two sisters, who pretty much helped end his last marriage, and who he hasn’t spoken to in 3 years. She wanted to complain about the invite taking so long. I still haven’t been invited, and I thought we were on good terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 77

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Anonymous · 24 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Monday monday

Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356 You deserved it 133

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Worthless woman · 24 March 2025, 09:00 ·Tokyo, Japan

Wreckless

Today, I came home from a work trip, expecting the house to be a wreck. Imagine my shock when I walked in and it was cleaner than I've ever seen. When I sputtered in surprise, my fiance shrugged and said, "I work better alone." Guess I'm just a fucking hindrance, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 You deserved it 612

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JFC! · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

AAA, hello?

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115 You deserved it 3 160

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FriendzonedAFBoi · 24 March 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Lonesome tonight

Today, I realized that in order to get a girl, I have to lose 100lbs and/or get facial reconstruction. If I meet a girl, we get close, I do everything to make her happy, only to be told, “I only like you as a friend.” I also get told that I’d make a “great boyfriend” yet they don’t choose me. Being overlooked sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374 You deserved it 355

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Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 22:00 ·Anaheim, United States

My good boy

Today, my husband is divorcing me because I refused to sign off on the paperwork to break our kids’ trust funds or mortgage our house in order to pay for surgery for his 12 year-old dog. Yeah, it’s not like our kids need a future or a place to live or anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586 You deserved it 197

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laprochainefoisjerestealamaison · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Montpellier, France

We meet again

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterwards tried to comfort me by saying there'd been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 026 You deserved it 5 192

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Not your maid · 23 March 2025, 15:00 ·United States

I'm outta here

Today, my boyfriend screamed at me for not cleaning his son's bedroom. The kid is 13 years-old, and there's nothing physically or mentally wrong with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 102

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Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 12:00 ·Belton, United States

Waste of time

Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 09:00 ·United States

He giveth and he taketh away

Today, someone at work left 10 unopened beers after hours. I’m not much of a drinker, but free is free, so I took them home during my lunch break. After work, I left my new phone on top of my car, forgot about it, drove off, and it smashed in the middle of the road. Looks like I’m drinking those beers tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 567

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fuckel4 · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·El Dorado, United States

Same thing

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 807 You deserved it 5 571

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Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Rivalry

Today, my two idiot boys beat the hell out of each other over a girl they both like. The poor girl isn’t even remotely interested in them, she’s had the same boyfriend for 6 years, and is marrying him next year. What idiots I raised, one has a broken finger and the other is missing teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 22 March 2025, 22:00 ·Canada

Girl power!

Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 You deserved it 593

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Djdjfj · 22 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Stepdad woes

Today, I reminded my fiancee's kid to put the toilet seat up when he pees. My fiancée heard and shrieked at me to stop being controlling and weird. Yesterday, she threw a tantrum because there was piss on the toilet seat. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Eye bleach

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water, only to see my 75 year-old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asked me if we had any coffee creamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 856 You deserved it 2 977

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Anonymous · 22 March 2025, 15:00 ·Barnsley, United Kingdom

Streaker alert!

Today, I was walking through a park when I saw someone running toward me. I thought he was jogging but quickly realized he was wearing nothing other than a grin. As he passed me, he yelled, “I’m freeeee!” I’m still trying to figure out why that was the moment I decided to take a sip of my coffee, because the shock made it come out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 22 March 2025, 12:00 ·Australia

Hooman! Do something!

Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 You deserved it 140

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Lili · 22 March 2025, 09:00 ·Akron, United States

We'll just order out

Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 286

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fail · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Another one bites the dust

Today, I found out that yet another of my guy friends liked me. I then posted on social media that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064 You deserved it 68 593

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Beatrice00101 · 22 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Let me in

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment, and in a panic, I tried using a credit card to open the door like I'd seen in movies and stuff. Instead of opening the door, I broke my card in half. I then had to call my landlord, who showed up an hour later and said, "Wow, you really tried to break into your own house, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 414

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Anonymous · 22 March 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Full stop

Today, after my husband and I had been fighting, he left to go to his mom's and said we just needed some space. I later saw that he had deleted all my family, friends, and has our marriage hidden on Facebook, and has taken my name and "husband" out of his bio. He's already told everyone we split. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 195

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Dave · 21 March 2025, 22:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Creepy dude

Today, a guy in a store parking lot started yelling at me, asking if I was famous. I laughed and said, "No, I’m just a regular person." He then asked for an autograph. Not wanting to argue with crazy, I signed a note and handed it to him. He walked off, looking at the note with confusion and visibly mounting anger. I'd signed the first thing I could think of: “For my biggest fan! Sincerely, Whoopi Goldberg.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 21 March 2025, 20:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Good one, Meemaw

Today, I was teaching my grandma how to use her new tablet. After explaining and setting everything up, I left her alone to check her email. When I came back, she'd somehow "mistakenly" sent an email to our entire family with the subject line "Help! My grandson thinks I'm a dipshit and has kidnapped me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 398 You deserved it 113

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