Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML
Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I had an appointment at the dentist and went to do some shopping after that. A while after I got home, I met my dad and he just started complaining that I didn't spend any time with them on my birthday. When I tried to explain to him, he just got angry at me and started yelling. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML
Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML
Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Who would think that a guy who would take his daughter to a tattoo parlor would allow demon alcohol to pass his lips? I didn't see that coming! I'm sorry you had to hear that, but you should have replied, "Yeah, but you still owe me a gift, Lock-Pockets." My late dad used to say that having us kids was the greatest thing he ever did. My mom agreed when it came to my brother and sister, but when it came to me, she said, "Mmmmm. Not so much." FML!
mama2b3 20
awh how sweet of him. arent dads just the greatest!?
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Comments (72)
mama2b3 20
awh how sweet of him. arent dads just the greatest!?
madarchod 0
Believe me, he is telling the truth, just accept it and STFU
ChrisSG 0
people complain too much..
stephanie0613 0
Hahaha how funny. Sounds like somethingg my dad would say! But my dad love's to joke around, idk if that's the case with your dad.
MissErikaHart 0
op sounds like a family of inbreeds.
LeoFML 1
Gunna need an amazing eraser for that mistake.
yucayucatan 0
good rolemodel.
cupcakemann95 7
sounds a bit like my dad
fatfatgoeshome 8
at least he was telling the truth!
berrenduh 0
i think tattooes are gross anyways.
thecrazyasian 3
agreed
yucayucatan 0
Agreed, @2 funny pic
itstrishabtw 13
shut up, damn
psaphier 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
like father like daughter, signs of your future loser!
jellyfish_735 0
u should've told ur mom to take u to get the tattoo :p
Brittneyyyy 7
I'd punch him in the face.
loshysucks 0
Me Two!
MAGNAVOX 0
Accidents happen OP.
perdix 31
Who would think that a guy who would take his daughter to a tattoo parlor would allow demon alcohol to pass his lips? I didn't see that coming! I'm sorry you had to hear that, but you should have replied, "Yeah, but you still owe me a gift, Lock-Pockets." My late dad used to say that having us kids was the greatest thing he ever did. My mom agreed when it came to my brother and sister, but when it came to me, she said, "Mmmmm. Not so much." FML!
fatty_mcfathead 0
Wow that bites big time. My mom is the same with my brother:P
FFML_314 12
Go star in a series of **** movies and deliver them to all of his co-workers. That should piss him off.
perdix 31
That couldn't possibly backfire. One day she'll walk in on him whacking off to one of her movies. Between squirts, she'll get that apology she so desperately wanted.
linkmax 15
lulllllllz
mintcar 10
Wow, that's gotta hurt. :/