Nearly FMLs

By Perry85 - 09/03/2016 11:23 - United States - Midland

Today, my girlfriend decided, instead of paying rent, she would spend $180 on a Robo Hamster and supplies for said hamster. Her cat then decided it was hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By coughingupaLung - 09/03/2016 11:22 - United States - Lexington

Today, I came down with the flu. I'm supposed to go on a romantic trip to Mexico in 3 days. I saved up money for the past year for this trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Pineapple_Salad - 09/03/2016 11:11 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he was gay. This would have been alright, if he didn't come out by saying "knock knock, I like cock". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By light sleeper - 09/03/2016 11:03 - China - Shanghai

Today, after months of avoiding the conversation and even adapting by going to bed earlier, I finally confronted my roommate about her rather loud habitual snoring. Her response "Oh but I don't hear anything." And she wants to go to med school. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Seriously? - 09/03/2016 10:57 - China - Shanghai

Today, after letting my roommate borrow a spoon the previous evening to eat her take out food, I woke up this morning to find it placed neatly on my laptop keyboard...unwashed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Bonafonte - 09/03/2016 09:51 - Belgium - Brugge

Today, I took the train to go to school for one hour of class. After a delay of 20 minutes, I finally arrived in the city only to find that all other public transport was canceled or delayed as well. Now I'm on another trainride of 40 minutes back home again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By analyticalmind - 09/03/2016 09:21 - United States - Denver

Today, my gfs dad tried to show me he was protective of his daughter with his fighting skills. He snuck up on me and I broke his nose, hand and pretty sure bruised some ribs. It's not a good idea to sneak up on a amateur MMA fighter. I want ask his permission for her hand in marriage. Fml...

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By stripper4life - 09/03/2016 08:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found out that my father wasn't proud of me graduating beauty college, but is proud of me being a stripper. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Totalidiot - 09/03/2016 08:51 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who I moved 200 miles to live with 5 days ago, has been messaging and organising bi/trans threeways. He's at work so I can't confront him for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By taybug1216 - 09/03/2016 08:15 - United States - Asheboro

Today, is my 1 year with my boyfriend. I got him 2 hats, a nice pair of sunglasses, and a puppy! His response, "You want this dick?" Not even a thank you. Pretty sure he has no idea it's our anniversary. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By taybug1216 - 09/03/2016 08:07 - United States - Asheboro

Today, it's my moms birthday, I made her a cake, got her flowers, and some chocolate covered strawberries. Her thank you? "I don't know why you did all of this, I'm still not getting you shit for your birthday." Thanks mom.. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Cripplednotenough - 09/03/2016 08:02 - Australia - Yorkeys Knob

Today my marriage ended from the stress of a workplace injury. I have a permanent impairment from it. I can't do any of the things I used to love. I am disabled but I don't look it. I can't do my job again so my education and college bills are wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BbyJet - 09/03/2016 07:45 - United States

Today, I decided I would be a bro and help my best friend get with this girl. After a lot of hard work, the mission was almost complete, until realizing my car got towed (which the girl then helped me get back). So in the end, I had to pay $290 to cock block my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nomoredoritosforme - 09/03/2016 07:13 - Australia - Prospect

Today, my friend slept over. She went to the toilet so I hid ready to scare her. She flushed but didn't wash her hands, so I asked her why and she responded "I didn't need to, I was changing my tampon". She then decided to eat the Doritos I bought without washing her hands, licking them clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Screwed - 09/03/2016 07:03 - Ireland - Swords

Today, I found out that my best friend knows my password to every social media account and can keep hacking onto them even after I change the password. He's using that as future blackmail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 09/03/2016 06:57 - United States - Goleta

Today, some drunk girl with cum on her sleeve decided it would be a good idea to give me a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 06:49 - Malaysia - Melaka

Today, I went to a lake. There, I was skipping stone while eating a doughnut, only I accidentally throw the doughnut and bite the rock. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By m - 09/03/2016 06:46 - United States - Batavia

Today, my friend's roommate, who is usually overly nice to me, came home drunk and whispered very loudly into my friends ear, "I hate that b**** right there." Then proceeded to laugh and stare at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Raebird - 09/03/2016 06:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a huge argument with my boyfriend I sat on my bed and started crying, then my cat jumped on my bed and curled up in my lap. She started purring and I said "At least you love me!" But after minute of petting her she got up and ran out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By movingout - 09/03/2016 06:20 - United States - Temecula

Today, I woke up to my dad having (very loud) sex with his girlfriend. I didn't know he had started dating. It's only been 4 months since my mom killed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 06:10 - United States - Fergus Falls

Today, my mom woke me up by telling me that in first grade, I tested mostly positive for Aspergers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatthehell - 09/03/2016 06:08 - United States - Mill Valley

Today, I had a horrifying nightmare. It was about my mother-in-law, who I hate, pushing me down a slide of razors, into a pit of sharks. When I woke up, I was scared shitless because I felt itches all over my body and I though it was real. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Exterminator - 09/03/2016 06:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I took in a video game console . No more than 15 minutes later, a horde of tiny roaches emerged from it, crawling over everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By embarrassed - 09/03/2016 05:59 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, after having great sex with my boyfriend, he went into the kitchen to get some water. His mom, who we thought wasn't home, then told him that he shouldn't slap my ass so hard, and that the whole building didn't have to know we were doing it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 05:49 - United States - Norman

Today, after days of putting up presentation fliers in the rain, the presentation took place. Nobody showed up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Miss_kitty - 09/03/2016 05:23 - United States - Quincy

Today, my husband told me he needs to 'think' about our marriage together. We are in the process of buying a house, and haven't even been married a year. I have no idea why he would tell me this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By youvegottabekidding - 09/03/2016 05:18 - United States - Valley Springs

Today, I reconnected with an old fling on Facebook after several years. We decided to grab a coffee and I was ecstatic to see him again. That is, until he texted me "are you sitting next to that fat girl in the window lol." I was the fat girl and am recovering from a coke addiction. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 05:18 - United States

Today, I learned that if you pee in your dreams you pee for real. My boyfriend sleeping next to me also learned this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KingRex - 09/03/2016 05:16 - United States

Today, I was watching "Zootopia" at my local theater when the sound cut off during the climax. All theaters apparently lost their sound system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 05:13 - United States - Milwaukee

Today I was pumping in my store manager's office. When I was done I spilled all my milk on her carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 285

You deserved it 3 643

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 228

You deserved it 4 246

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 333

You deserved it 4 151

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 068

You deserved it 4 349

Today, as the shop is right round the corner, and I couldn’t be arsed changing, I kept my boob tube on under my jacket. Of course, at the shop, I slipped on spilled water and as I went down the tube came down as well, and I ended up lying there with my tits out for a group of teenagers to laugh at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 522

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 524

You deserved it 7 680