Nearly FMLs

By poo maker - 09/03/2016 03:01 - United States - Spokane

Today, at work I was making poo , and I got lost in a moment of agony and said out loud " f*** this burns " and a coworker in the next stall over responded " I hear ya buddy " ... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Porcelainthrone - 09/03/2016 02:49 - United States - Kingsland

Today, after traveling to see my long distance boyfriend, I was suffering from a little constipation. I decided to take a mild laxative before he came home so we could have sexy time and I could be more comfortable... It's been six hours and I still can't leave the toilet. How sexy, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 02:42 - United States - Haymarket

Today, I took a drink from the water fountain. There was a piece of gum stuck in the facet. I drank chewed gum water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mcstud1y - 09/03/2016 02:39 - United States

Today, while pulling out my money for the school vending machine, another student ran by, pushed me, and stole my money, I managed to catch up to him and tackle him, only for him to yell, "It's a prank". I got suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 09/03/2016 02:34 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I solely had alcohol at dinner so my boyfriend and I could have some sloppy sex, just to find out he bought a new video game and plans on playing that for the next week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bheaze - 09/03/2016 02:33 - Australia - Hawker

Today, I won $600 off a $5 bet, to have it all seized the moment in went into my account by the state debt recovery all because my friend ran a red light in my car months ago when I lent it to him to pick his long term gf up from the airport. Apparently he "forgot" and refuses to pay me back.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mrsprice - 09/03/2016 02:32 - United States - Akron

Today, while assisting in a special needs classroom, I had to send a boy to the office because he was masturbating to a diagram of a uterus in his health book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Clean up after yourself... - 09/03/2016 02:30 - United States - Scottsburg

Today, my boyfriend's parents came home while we were having sex. In a scurry to put our clothes back on, my boyfriend stuck the condom in a plastic bag and said he'd throw it away later. Guess who's mom called me, after finding a used condom in a bag, and told me to stop ruining her son? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By catholicperv - 09/03/2016 02:25 - United States - Twinsburg

Today, the church janitor asked me to bring him a mop because some kid puked. I went to what I thought was the custodial closet....long story short it was an unlabeled bathroom with the priest urinating in there. I'm going to hell, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mhicks - 09/03/2016 02:21 - United States - Mars

Today, I was watching some vines in my math class rather than doing the work while using headphones, I came across a moan video and found out I wasn't using headphones. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 2

By Catdragon - 09/03/2016 02:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom asked me to unplug the tv so she wouldn't trip on the wire. As I was crossing over it, my big toe got caught and I tripped and fell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By carmbees - 09/03/2016 02:16 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I spent hours ripping my house apart looking for my favourite pair of jeans, along with my favourite underwear. After finally giving up, I found half of their remaining scraps in my laundry hamper. I was confused until I found the rest inside my dogs feces. At least he put them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By peyday123 - 09/03/2016 02:16 - United States - Draper

Today, I was with my boyfriend. I was telling him that I was trying to lose weight. He replied, "well, it's a good thing you don't have a thigh gap or flat stomach, or else other boys would like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AutumnBlues - 09/03/2016 01:50 - United States - Detroit

Today, I was given an ultimatum from my new boss- either come into work sick and with a fever, or get fired. I've had the flu for five straight days and now have bronchitis. I've only taken one sick day off. This is the same man who refused to give a man days off for his own wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kkzz11 - 09/03/2016 01:45 - United States - Church Point

Today, I was on my way to my boyfriends house with my little dog and because I didn't let her sit in my lap due to it being so windy and I didn't want to be swerving she decided to get into my back seat and take a shit. My boyfriend lives an hour away and she did it half way through the trip FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lifeisntfair - 09/03/2016 01:39

Today, I found out I might have to be terminated from my practicum just because my supervisor thinks I'm not being initiative and don't have enough experience. The whole point of the internship is to gain experience and I do everything they tell me to. I am so close to graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Why - 09/03/2016 01:28 - United States - Poway

I found out my sister stole my acceptance letter from my dream college and typed up a fake rejection letter to mail to me. Why? Because she knows she'll never get in with her shit grades, and she'd rather me be the first person in the family not to attend in generations instead of her.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By audijake18 - 09/03/2016 01:21 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had a root canal done and 1 filling done today. They said the lidocaine should wear off in about an hour to a hour and a half. It's been about 6 hours and I still can't feel half my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By audijake18 - 09/03/2016 01:14 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I went to the dentist thinking I only needed a few fillings done. Come to find out that I actually need 3 root canals and 6 fillings. They said they could perform 1 root canal and one filling on the spot, my anxiety is so bad I started crying like a little b**ch. I'm 20 years old. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Itadakimassachusetts - 09/03/2016 01:11 - United States - Mclean

Today, I was using a peeled carrot to masturbate when my conservative dad came home. I managed to pull out the carrot just before he walked into my room and started eating it in panic so he wouldn't get suspicious. He stood there and talked to me while I ate the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By DamiecoT - 09/03/2016 01:03 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was trying to feed my very hyper german shepherd puppy. He gets excited every time he sees me. I'm 4"11 and he has the tendency to knock me over when he jumps on me. I attempted to walk inside the house when he jumped really high and knocked me face first in a pile of mud. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By IamHM - 09/03/2016 00:59 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I was sorting stacks of files and keeping track on which category I placed each one on my phone. Later I was called to the main office and lectured for texting on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 00:55 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I told my mom about the hole in my jeans, she said "maybe you should stop buying clothes to small for you" my brother agreed and said "yeah you're fat". I'm already insecure and hate my body. Thanks guys. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gamewizard - 09/03/2016 00:52 - United States

Today, I got grounded. Why? Because I said that I didn't like Norbit. Yes, that's right. I'm in trouble for not liking one of the worst comedy's of all time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AintNobodygottimefordat - 09/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, my brother is proud that he got me and my parents sick with Bronchitis. I feel terrible and he won't even get me a glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jimeple - 09/03/2016 00:37 - United States - Odessa

Today, After 6 month of complaining to my apartment manager that my bathroom smells like crap even after being gone all day. I receive a notice that all the toilets in my building have been leaking behind the wall after a recent renovation. I've been smelling my own old poo for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By xmrshendersonxx - 09/03/2016 00:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I was cooking soup in my dorm's kitchen for dinner. As I was walking back to my room I felt the pot start to wobble a little and I instinctively grabbed the pot to stop myself from dropping it. 3 of my fingers are now burnt. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 00:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, we have a small mouse problem. We put out bait for them and I had put dishes in the sink to soak. I reached for what I thought was a measuring cup and ended up being a dead mouse. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thatsgottasting - 09/03/2016 00:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was in class when a friend of mine started telling our table about this guy who tried to convince her to send him nudes last week. Everyone laughed because it sounded like a typical teenage guy thing to do— that is, until she announced that it was my ex. We broke up last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By just_great146 - 09/03/2016 00:21 - United States - Wichita

Today,my brother asked me to change his son's diaper.I threw up on the baby in the middle of changing him.Twice.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 471

You deserved it 3 956

Today, it's been a month since I silently moved on from my online boyfriend. I met him in a chatroom after a break-up. I thought he was my "forever after." He told me he'd lost his feelings for me and told me to wait. I waited, only for him to reveal that he was going on a date by asking me if a shirt was good for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 216

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 668

You deserved it 3 281

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 320

You deserved it 5 067

Today, I told my boss that my grandma died to get a day off work, but then my grandma showed up at the office looking for me because she wanted to go shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 985

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 655

You deserved it 9 141