Nearly FMLs

By ILYRRR - 09/03/2016 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 1 year looked at me and said I was the reason people get cheated on. what the hell?, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 00:16 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I almost lost my virginity. Almost. I put two condoms on wrong and then after the third I couldn't get it up anymore. I can't face the girl I've been in love with for months.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By evwar - 09/03/2016 00:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my drunk girl friend and drunk best friend decided to drop my new cat off my apartment's balcony... "to see if cats always land on their feet". It survived but ran away.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 09/03/2016 00:06 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I heard about a freshman party happening this weekend which is supposed to have drinking and sex. I thought to refrain from those and just be social, but when I asked where it was the answer I got was the location followed by,"Just don't come expecting to get any." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HBFINDIANA - 08/03/2016 23:46 - United States - Bloomington

Today I slipped in the shower and tried to grab on to the curtains, only problem is the curtains were held up by Velcro and fell with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/03/2016 23:42 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today is International Women's Day. Today is also the day my teacher informed my class that the males don't have to do the assignment on engines because "they should already know about all of that". So now only the females have to do it to get ourselves "better educated".FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KereKris - 08/03/2016 23:34 - Netherlands - Zwolle

Today, I spent hours making a delicious vegetable soup for a family dinner. I was also cooking some pasta for another dish. When it was done, I absentmindedly poured the soup through the stringer instead of the pasta. I now have cooked veggies and overcooked pasta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Skittelson - 08/03/2016 23:31 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to the gas station to get a drink. As I went up the the register, the employees were telling blonde jokes, and continued telling them while they rang me up. I'm blonde. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gisselle30 - 08/03/2016 23:25 - United States

Today, while walking home I stopped to check my hair in the window of someone's car. Not paying attention I went up to someone's car and a few seconds later saw a very confused Asian family looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By cmon - 08/03/2016 23:23 - United States - Cheshire

Today, after a few days of us both being busy, I told my boyfriend I wanted to get f*cked tonight. His response? "Yup." This is a normal response for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By eggy - 08/03/2016 23:11 - United States - Des Plaines

Today, I'm vegan. My husband has decided to try and sneak milk and eggs into every meal I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/03/2016 23:10 - Ireland

Today, I was having a chat with my friend, and he spilt the beans. Literally. My legs are burnt so badly right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By StetsonSalvatore - 08/03/2016 23:06 - United States - Battle Creek

The other day, my sister accused me of stealing her tax return, threatened that her boyfriend was going to beat me up, then threatened to beat up my pregnant fiancé and went after her. I pushed her back, she had me arrested, saying I punched and choked her. I spent the night in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By youresoscrewed - 08/03/2016 22:48 - Netherlands - Spijkenisse

Today, I heard my boyfriend couldn't get any days off this summer. Of course, he heard this after we bought non-refundable festival tickets that would have been sold out if we waited. Here's the news: there are still lots of tickets. That's €360 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By oopsimamess - 08/03/2016 22:44 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got a call from my son's school. He told his teacher I took him to see the pedophile. I didn't, but I did take him to the paediatrician. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sigh - 08/03/2016 22:43 - United States

Today, I was given an extremely generous tip by a customer. After listening to my jealous coworkers whine the entire shift, my boss decided that we have to pool all tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By magpie1384 - 08/03/2016 22:35

Today, I went the doctors for a bladder infection, I'm now minus my appendix and can't poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Badblood - 08/03/2016 22:34 - United Kingdom - Banbury

Today I found that my medical treatment I received in a private hospital cost less that the food and drink my wife consumed there FML

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You deserved it 0

By noyourkidscantplaywithmine - 08/03/2016 22:31 - United States - Cadillac

Today, all my neighbors were in the street with their kids in the nice weather. I braved the crowd to get my son inside after school, since the crazies across the street love calling cops and CPS on us to stir up drama. Now I'm the neighborhood asshole who doesn't let their kid play outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By breakerone92 - 08/03/2016 22:27 - United States - Flint

Today, I had to take a massive shit at work. both toilets were clogged, the plunger was in the womens bathroom which was fully occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Iwanttoquit - 08/03/2016 22:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I witnessed a man try on a pair of pants in the middle of the supermarket I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shannounexx - 08/03/2016 22:18 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I had my period while I was at swim practice. When I got out of the water, some blood fell on the floor. A girl noticed and told me. Then my crush arrived and saw a red splash on my thigh. He thought it was juice. He took his finger to proove it was gatorade, then realized it was blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By XxGaLaXy_HiTzxX - 08/03/2016 22:10 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, while eating at my girlfriends parent's house I got to know them better until my girlfriend said, "Daddy, can you pass me the salt?" Her father and I both reached for the salt. It was pure awkwardness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By jackson249501 - 08/03/2016 21:49 - United States - Pepperell

Today, I fell down the stairs. This would have been okay, because I wasn't hurt, if the engineering department of my school wasn't testing a robot they made and the student controlling it began steering it into my skull. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By j_brand91 - 08/03/2016 21:22 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I had to explain to the cops that I was robbed and the only way I knew was because I had farted in my sleep and someone in my living room laughed. The cops walked away laughing. I have no tv now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lunax - 08/03/2016 21:04 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after commenting several times over the years that he didn't believe men and women could be "just friends" my husband assured me that there was nothing to worry about since a girl he had been unusually close to was "just a friend" FML

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You deserved it 0

By sadlesbian - 08/03/2016 20:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother ranted about how unnatural homosexuality was during a long car ride. I was planning on coming out to her soon. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By poor - 08/03/2016 20:54 - United States - Doylestown

Today, while getting out of my bed I passed out and hit my head on my dresser. I went to the doctors to see if I had a concussion. They gave me the good news that I didn't have a concussion but I did have a seizure. Now I can't drive. I'm a pizza delivery guy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alysssa_t01 - 08/03/2016 20:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found my boyfriend stoned in my house. That would've been fine until he thought I was his dead grandmother and tried chasing a pigeon on our street for 40 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By diarrheadog - 08/03/2016 20:26 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while driving back from california to Las Vegas, my dog had diarrhea in the car in the middle of nowhere. I had to spend 3 hours in a car smelling of poop. FML

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 448

You deserved it 10 068

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 4 072

Today, I found out why my ex of three years started an argument with me that quickly lead to our break-up. He said he would be talking to people of a different race to make life "easier." I should've seen the fact that he dislikes our own race from prior conversations. He ended up getting into a relationship two months later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 325

Today, I paid my long-distance boyfriend of 4 years a surprise visit. I entered his house and he got irrationally angry, asking why didn’t I tell him beforehand. Moments later, a female voice yelled, "Babe come back to bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 237

Today, my wife is unreasonably mad at me for telling our kids to call toilet paper, "Butt Floss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 765

You deserved it 24 648

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 276

You deserved it 21 233