Nearly FMLs

By ouch - 09/03/2016 05:11 - United States - Chandler

Today, I found out that making fun of the 'gangsta' guy on the street clearly listening to Taylor Swift will get the shit beat out of you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By itneverends - 09/03/2016 05:11 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I woke up to my wife calling me a whore. I rushed to get ready for work so we would not argue in front of our children. She was very irate and slamming dishes in the sink...I called her at lunch to try and get an explanation, and her reply was, "I had a bad dream." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ren - 09/03/2016 05:08 - United States - El Dorado

Today, I was going to my motorcycle class to get my license and take my motorcycle to the repair shop. On the way, my truck burst into flames. I had just filled up the tank with gas. My truck was not fully covered. My motorcycle was in the back of my truck. I just got the motorcycle a week ago. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mliajkfml - 09/03/2016 04:42 - United States - New York

Today, I learned that my boyfriend of 2 years genuinely believes that Hitler and the holocaust was actually Jesus who came back to get revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Liimbix - 09/03/2016 04:33 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, fully clothed, when I busted a nut. This has happened every time, and I can't seem to help it. Masturbating before seeing her doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BagelTheOtaku - 09/03/2016 04:21 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend changed his lockscreen from a picture of me, to a picture of his pretty female classmate making a silly face because "It looked funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By I_Sometimes_Cry - 09/03/2016 04:21 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I checked my grades for my AP Literature class and it said i had a B in classwork, A in participation, and a D in test scores. My grade is telling me I'm basically doing B.A.D. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dwessie - 09/03/2016 04:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after two weeks of bickering about me never being in the mood for sex, my girlfriend got drunk, proceeded to get me super horny, and then passed out. this is why we don't frick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jman - 09/03/2016 04:15 - United States

Today,I silently farted in class it smelt so bad the teacher left the classroom gaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Peridorito - 09/03/2016 04:14 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I realized that I stress about my grades so much that I've started having legitimate nightmares over getting anything below an 80%. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By goodgrief - 09/03/2016 04:14 - United States - Hasbrouck Heights

Today, my soon to be ex husband tells me he will always be there for me. Yeah always be there in the new home he's buying with his mistress. Thanks but no thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By soakedandangry - 09/03/2016 04:06 - United States - Seymour

Today, I looked at the clock at work and saw I would get out on time for once. Shortly after I also saw a half gallon container of oil fall soaking my phone, my radio, and myself. I did not get out on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gamebingo - 09/03/2016 04:04 - United States - Fuquay Varina

Today I messaged who I thought was one of my best friends in Skype, wanting to talk, after seeing that he was online. Less than 30 seconds later, he went offline in both Skype and Steam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By umerin - 09/03/2016 04:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had to sit next to a seemingly homeless man on a 4 hour flight who wouldn't stop staring at me while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By So I have to move it all again? - 09/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Fishers

Today, after getting his permission, I spent an hour clearing out all of my uncle's construction tools from the ONLY completed room in our house, to begin painting. I left and returned 10 minutes later to find he's moved every bit of construction material back into the cleaned room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By turdnugget - 09/03/2016 03:57 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while on top of my boyfriend during some passionate lovemaking, he abruptly stopped me asking "wait, what was that? I felt something". He flung me off only to find a perfect little turd nugget stuck to his balls. Oops. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By GuysSuck - 09/03/2016 03:51 - United States - Neenah

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to have a friend message me and act like my boyfriend was cheating on me. They went as far to make fake messages the he sent to his "lover". This was to get back at me for doing the "You have a stain on your shirt" prank. I cried for over an hour. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 03:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my friend ordered a cab after a night out. He got the location wrong, so in order to not miss the cab we sprinted the same distance we needed to get home. In the opposite direction. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rkay5989 - 09/03/2016 03:42 - United States

Today, I was at a red light. A homeless man came to my car with a squeegee and water. When I realized that he wanted to wash my windshield. I told him no but he washed t anyway. When he was done he asked me for money by I had none. I now have a clean windshield and a broken drivers side window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By My scrotum - 09/03/2016 03:40 - United States

Today,I silently farted in class it smelt so bad the teacher left the classroom gaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 03:34 - United States - Fargo

My girlfriend and I heard two crazy vegans arguing that "If you swallow after oral, then you aren't following real veganism." My girlfriend, who's a vegetarian, turns to me and says that's a great point, so to avoid tempation, oral isn't happening anymore.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By LPS8585 - 09/03/2016 03:32 - United States

Today, the rehab I checked into 4 months ago kindly told me they'd store my $400 suitcase in the basement. Now, whilst getting ready to set off on a visit with my family, my suitcase is nowhere to be found. Hello trash bags. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KoolCids007 - 09/03/2016 03:29 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, my mom and I had a discussion about her new boyfriend. I really hate him and she says he has been her best friend since high school. Today he was on the top of the roof and wouldn't come down until she came. We had another discussion and she said the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By OutofmyLeague - 09/03/2016 03:24 - United States - San Jose

Today, my brother has started playing League of Legends. Daily online matches consist of him cussing, screaming, and slamming his fists into his desk while I'm either trying to sleep or complete homework. Guess what he's doing now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, a resident at the long term care facility where I work was out with her family and didn't return until 1 am. I let her in the door and joked, "you're out partying late!" Turns out her son had just been killed in an accident and she was coming back from the funeral home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Garnetshaddow - 09/03/2016 03:23 - United States - Boulder

Today, my application was rejected from the graduate program of my dreams. I don't qualify for another program and my undergraduate degree is basically useless without another degree. I spent months on my application and years on my degree and now I need to find a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kadenson - 09/03/2016 03:20 - United States

Today, after months of not seeing my wife because of being in the military I asked her if she wanted to sext and have some type of sex life. She responded with a really bad attitude and said that's all ever want from her and proceeded to block me and ignore me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fmlguy - 09/03/2016 03:12 - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I had to host a presentation. I asked my mate to assist me in making a script for it, since it was only 12 minutes left. I simply read the script and didn't notice that little horny joke added by him. "This product is so hard that a pussy would be crushed by it." My boss was unsatisfied. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Noticetheringbozos - 09/03/2016 03:05 - United States - Clover

Today, my boss and two coworkers got into a physical fight because they all "love me." I guess they forgot I am married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Stud - 09/03/2016 03:03 - United States - Abington

Today, I was out in my yard cutting down a tree with my chainsaw. My girlfriend came over, and when she saw me, she said "Hey look at that! Sexy studs do grow on trees!" I decided to impress her while I was at it, so much so, that I wasn't paying attention when I cut off the branch I was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I got into my driving instructor's car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 968

You deserved it 3 722

Today, I realized I've been using conditioner instead of shampoo for the last month. I was wondering why my hair never felt clean but always smelled great. Now I have to explain to my friends that my new "shampoo routine" was actually just expensive conditioner and ignorance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 464

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for four years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 178

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 494

You deserved it 161

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 466

You deserved it 6 697

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 830

You deserved it 6 267