Nearly FMLs

By farttard - 09/03/2016 20:45 - United States - Greenville

Today, my concert tickets were supposed to come in the mail. I spent $500 on front row tickets for me and my boyfriend. The tracking number says they were delivered.. To the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By You will be missed sir - 09/03/2016 20:31 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while joking around with my sister, I sarcastically told her that I have a different dean for this college year because the other one died. When I got to school this morning, there was an announcement that my previous dean had passed away this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By samjacksony - 09/03/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, all of my exes friends are bombing my FB telling me I'm a liar. All because they think he's too sweet to actually abuse someone repeatedly and kill their 1 month old rabbit. No one believes me. This is over a year after that relationship ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Being Thoughtful - 09/03/2016 20:13 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to surprise my wife at work, but she off today. Her friends however called and told her I came in. Not only did I waste gas driving an hour to get there, but now I'm in the doghouse for not listening her when she told me she was going to be off 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Ames

Today, a friend of mine and I where hanging around a mutual friend of ours. His mother called him into the next room and he came back looking really sad. I jokingly asked"what, did your grandpa die?" Turns out he had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By Is it warm? - 09/03/2016 20:07 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to use the bathroom after my roommate. I guess assuming that all guys aim when peeing isn't smart... Neither is sitting on a piss covered toilet without looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Zankonell - 09/03/2016 19:53 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was excited to drive to work because I had just fixed my car last night. It wouldn't start or turn over until I replaced the busted fuse. Half way to work I'm on the hwy doing 65mph and my car is shaking so bad it's upsetting my stomach. Something is wrong with my engine now. I'm broke.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By puppy killer - 09/03/2016 19:46 - United States - Atlanta

Today, My mom was away and told me to feed and take care of my dogs so i fed them. A couple hours later my dog got ran over by my brothers ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By dieselchemist - 09/03/2016 19:39 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, our servers are down at work. I cannot access email, or anything else I need to do my job. They expect the problem to take 3 days to fix. No one is able to do any work of any kind. We aren't allowed to go home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By workinghomeless - 09/03/2016 19:26 - United States

Today, my job pays so little that I cannot afford my apartment, and I will be living in my car. Oh my job? I work for the State's Affordable Housing Program, which I do not qualify for because I work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ew - 09/03/2016 19:21 - Norway - Oslo

Today, i voiced that i think it's unsanitery to let my two toddler nephews, one of which puts his hand down his diaper every five minutes, set the dinnertable without having them wash their hands first. According to my family, i'm weird, a germaphobe and i need to get over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheWorst - 09/03/2016 19:13 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend in my bed. I woke up at 6:30am thinking I had had a wet dream because I felt some stuff "down there". Luckily I didn't. Sadly, I shat myself while sleeping instead. I had to wake her up so I could change the sheets. She was pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 19:12 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my neighbor's little daughter decided to release all their dogs. I would have been fine with that if their aggresive Chihuahua didnt make its way into my backyard, where I was relaxing in my hammock. And bite me in the leg. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kathrinex - 09/03/2016 19:05 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, there was an open day at my University, so the campus was full of eager teens. Trying to avoid them on my way to a lecture, I decided to take a shortcut. I slipped in some mud and fell face first in front of a large group of girls. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DoomedGemini - 09/03/2016 18:59 - United States - Portland

Today, me and two others of our five person group got yelled at for not working on the group project. The two girls working on it won't let us help them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ChiefKoala - 09/03/2016 18:57 - United States - Rockwood

Today, I was informed that one of our so-called "friends" had seen bedbugs three weeks ago at her house and didn't say anything to anyone. Now me along with five other friends could have potentially brought bedbugs into our houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TGTB blocked - 09/03/2016 18:54 - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I got a message on FB from my favorite country singer asking for a favor that sounded like one of those Nigerian money scams. I thought it was a hacker etc and responded negatively then went back to send a message to the "real" singer only to find the verified page had blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bregaja - 09/03/2016 18:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend had a dream I cheated on him. He woke up and accused me of actually cheating, saying his dreams always come true. I said he was crazy and laughed it off and he replied with "that's exactly what you said in the dream!" and dumped me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By twentyonecliques - 09/03/2016 18:47 - United States

Today, I was at work and was expecting a call from a new job. The phone rang, so I answered just as my boss was walking by. He fired me for being on the phone and the call i was on was the other job saying the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 18:26 - United States - Warrensburg

Today it was raining and I was surprised when I found an open parking spot near my college's library. Due to the heavy rain and traffic, I rolled a window down to double check the parking lot hours before getting out. Something then snapped and I couldn't get the window to roll back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 18:25 - United Kingdom - Morton

Today, I missed school because I was admitted into hospital. The only person who cared enough to text me and check if I was okay was an acquaintance that I've only known for two months. My friends of four years probably didn't even realise I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RainIsGreat - 09/03/2016 18:19 - United States - Mapleton

Today, I woke up and realized that I accidentally left the sunroof on my car open when I came home last night. This wouldn't be so bad, if it hadn't rained all night long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LastCompetitionEver - 09/03/2016 18:15 - Canada - Laval

Today, my flyer fell on me and broke my nose during the rehearsal of our final cheerleading competition. My teammates convinced me to perform during the competition because "what are the odds that it will happen again the same day?". It happened again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By goddammit - 09/03/2016 18:06 - United States - Annandale

Today, I got a pimple on my butt. I can't sit down without it aching. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 17:57 - United States - Mooresville

Today, I rolled over the other night to see my boyfriend with his back to me, wacking off. I just rolled over and didn't say anything. He hasn't been interested in having intercourse about 2 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Walmartian2015 - 09/03/2016 17:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while walking to the car with my one year old. I tripped over my dog causing me to hit my son's head on the concrete and bust open my knees and left elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KestrelGirl - 09/03/2016 17:44

Today, the pianist who was supposed to play a difficult and showy piece with me at a school concert emailed me to tell me he's been sick since two days ago - just after we last rehearsed - and can't perform. The concert's tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By noplaynogame - 09/03/2016 17:23 - United States - Newark

Today, I was texting my crush and she was telling me how upset she was for failing her exam. Trying to cheer her up, I bought some dark chocolate to surprise her before I went to meet up with her. When I gave them to her, she thanked me, kissed her fingers and tapped my chest. Crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SadCanadian - 09/03/2016 17:15 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, while flipping through the TV with my dad, CNN came on with Trump speaking. As I flipped to the next channel I said "Well that's enough Trump for a life time". To which my dad replied that he would indeed vote for him if he could. At least he can't, because we're Canadian. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 17:04 - United States

Today, my mom gave me an offer on some really expensive wedding rings. I've been saving up for months to buy these. My girlfriend then decided to get mad at me for not taking her on a trip because of the money. I guess marriage can wait for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 807

You deserved it 47 163

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 060

You deserved it 2 518

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 890

You deserved it 523

Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 848

You deserved it 3 489

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 429

You deserved it 2 714

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 684

You deserved it 261