Nearly FMLs

By Dfab96 - 08/03/2016 11:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to go pee really badly. I ran all the way across the bowling alley my boyfriends dad owns, (a long way) and sat down so quick i did not realize both toilet seats were down and ended up peeing all over the seat, my legs, and on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By narvelfartman - 08/03/2016 11:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I ask my wife if she slept well. Her reply - "Why, did I do something to you in my sleep, did I snore or something?". I ask if she'd like some breakfast. Her reply - "Why, do you think I eat too much?". Before she leaves for work, she calls me an ass because I don't communicate. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Never_nasty - 08/03/2016 11:51 - Australia

Today, I came home from a holiday to find out that my partner broke up with me and wants me out of the house straight away. So I'm currently homeless trying to find myself a rental in a town who doesn't rent to first time renters. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hotchpot - 08/03/2016 11:44 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my boyfriend was hurt and confused when I told him I didn't want him to go skinny dipping with his friend. By friend, I mean ex. He says it's fine because they've both "seen it all before". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/03/2016 10:33 - United Kingdom - London

Yesterday the police arrested me for sleeping with a minor among other things. My girlfriend is a year younger than me and we've been together for 3 years. I turned 18 yesterday, her mother called the cops at my birthday party.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alone but not crying anymore - 08/03/2016 09:53 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I ended all of my closest friendships. Apparently it's my fault for getting upset when I am repeatedly ditched and ignored for weeks and months on end. I am told that I have "chosen" a lonely life. No, that life was chosen for me by them years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ekdfml - 08/03/2016 09:46 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 19 year old cousin drank my all my wine. I have to special order that wine. There is none left within 200 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By lunalia6 - 08/03/2016 09:36 - Belgium

Today, I noticed my fiancé has bigger boobs than I have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tidywider - 08/03/2016 09:04 - United States

Today, I had to watch my mentally challenged brother and my 8 month old nephew. I took a nap and woke up to a baby crying. I ran to the bathroom and my brother was squirting "no tears" shampoo in the babys eyes to make him stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/03/2016 08:57 - United States

This guy that I have a crush on invited me to his house for dinner and a movie. Not even halfway through the movie, my crush had fallen asleep but woke up only to say "'night" before stumbling to his room and closing the door. I awkwardly left when the movie finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By theomie - 08/03/2016 08:56 - Sri Lanka - Mount Lavinia

Today, I discovered that our handyman is a vegetarian. I'd been previously serving him plates of roast, but this time it was returned minus the tiny helping of veggies. I don't know what he did with the past leftovers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/03/2016 08:19 - United States - Reston

I found out that if my son jumps on my stomach while I'm sleeping I unintentionally shit myself. He finds this hilarious. I've had to change my sheets 4 days in a row. FML

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You deserved it 0

By 10banz - 08/03/2016 08:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my twin brother will not talk to me and told me he hates me because I had sex with his best friend. I can't name one friend of mine he hasn't boned.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By HannahCchi132 - 08/03/2016 07:38 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I woke up, seeing my cat peeing on my math homework. So I put the homework in a plastic bag. The only problem was, that it was a assignment that were supposed to be turned in, but my teacher wouldn't accept it. So I got a warning, and he will give me detention if it ever happens again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By paintmechipper - 08/03/2016 07:20 - United States - Norman

Today, it's my last night in town before I leave the state for a week and the week after I get back I start my new night job. My boyfriend decided that he'd rather get high with his roommate and go to bed early then spend time with me and he knew it was my last night in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By comeupens - 08/03/2016 07:16 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my past caught up with me when I ran into the girl I creeped on in high school. Apparently she's still dating the same guy, and he wasn't bluffing about knowing muay thai. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By nykole - 08/03/2016 07:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found out that girls aren't the only ones who do trap pregnancys. My bf made sure that the condom was faulty so I'd get pregnant and not be able to leave him.. FML

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You deserved it 0

By cattit - 08/03/2016 07:13 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was helping my cat get to the top of his cat tree when his back paw caught my shirt and pulled it down. I heard a ripping noise. The shirt is fine, but I have a large, bloody scratch across my breast from nipple to chest. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jussygirl13 - 08/03/2016 07:13 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I was trying to be cute by telling my boyfriend I had something important to tell him, it was I love you. He thought I was leaving him and had a panic attack. now we're fighting because I said I was trying to be cute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Theyoshi3789 - 08/03/2016 07:12 - United States

Today, the 60$ backpack I got yesterday was stolen, along with my keys and two 20$ books that I have to pay the library for along with all the homework for the trimester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Luxray24 - 08/03/2016 07:01 - United States - Ada

Today, I have a nasty infection in my throat that is constantly leaking pus that i developed after getting my wisdom teeth pulled last week...during spring break. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By college student - 08/03/2016 06:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went for an interview at 1pm and I thought it went pretty well. The hiring manager told me she had one more interview tomorrow and she'd give me a call regarding her decision. The whole thing took around 45 mins so I got out around 1:45. At 1:50 I got a email saying I didn't get the job.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ScrubLord - 08/03/2016 06:42 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed to stay home to do homework because she distracts me when I come over to her place. She convinced me to come over, promising me she won't distract. Now she's mad at me because I "didn't pay attention" to her while I was there.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Spartancjm - 08/03/2016 06:15 - United States - El Cajon

Today, after dating for two years, my girlfriend told me she doesn't want to have anything too serious… I've spent well over $250 on her the past month, on my birthday. This is also the same woman who wanted me to change so I could take care of her when we age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By glasses are vital - 08/03/2016 06:14 - United States

Today, I thought once again how my (necessary for my eye condition) $500 glasses probably won't be paid for by my work. They get knocked off at least 3 times a week by my angry, dementia patients. They have gotten extremely loose & slide down my nose almost constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By so much for "best friends" - 08/03/2016 05:54 - United States - Prior Lake

Today, I finally got the nerve to admit to my best friend how much I love him. He's told me he has liked me the past few months so I thought it would work. turns out he's lying because he wanted to get on my good side to borrow money since he got some chick pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fackhole - 08/03/2016 05:48 - United States - Mason

Today, I went to the gym only to see my crush working out. Taking the machine next to her I proceeded to do leg press only on my second rep I farted apparently quite loud sine she started laughing and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DamiecoT - 08/03/2016 05:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was playing checkers with my boyfriend and I won the game. He got so mad he took off all his clothes and ran around the house naked. FML

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You deserved it 0

By elivestr - 08/03/2016 05:11 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I went to a job interview for a job I REALLY want as an Arborist. During the interview they asked me what I was doing for work. I told them that I was working for a window cleaning company called "Men in Kilts". My interviewers laughed and said "Oh yeah we get them to wash our windows". FML.

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You deserved it 0

By fmlrach26 - 08/03/2016 05:06 - Australia - Penrith

Today, I finally thought I was over my vomiting bug, that was until I threw up all over my mother and all through her house. FML

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Today, I found out that what I thought was "acne" is actually an allergic reaction to a cream I've been using for years. I thought the cream was helping me with the breakouts but my doctor says the real acne probably went away naturally years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 2 504

Today, after I went to Mexico for its museums, when I try to share my experience with other guys, they all think I went there for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 277

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 950

You deserved it 2 252

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 114

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 3 425

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 548

You deserved it 5 527