Nearly FMLs

By MajorLAZ0R - 10/03/2016 00:09 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I got suspended for 3 days for holding back my ex-girlfriend cause she was slapping and pushing me. Her punishment? Nothing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/03/2016 00:05 - United States - Mission

Today, I was surprised when I found a rare open parking spot at school. Due to the heavy rain and traffic, I briefly rolled a window down to better see the parking lot hours and avoid being soaked. The window wouldn't roll back up and I had to park out of the rain more than a mile away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GottaLoveRoomies - 09/03/2016 23:58 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, after coming home from a movie, I discovered that my drugged up roommate's brilliant idea of using my towel when he ran out of toilet paper to wipe his ass was the least of my concerns as he had taken a explosive shit in my room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bawsack - 09/03/2016 23:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a girl at work tried to set me up with her sister. This would be flattering if I were male. Or lesbian. I have worked beside this woman for 8 years and repeatedly swapped dating stories. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Moshi5567 - 09/03/2016 23:48 - United States

Today, My boss thinks I stole money from his desk and has threatened to "shove his boot so far up my ass I would taste it for the next week" unless I get his money back. I'm broke because he has been holding my paychecks for 2 months now and I am scared for my wellbeing ,FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 23:43 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my father-in-law complained to my husband that we spend too much money on things we like to do, like eating out or going to movies. Today he also bought himself a wifi-enabled, bluray player despite not having internet or any bluray movies, because the employee said it was a good deal. FM

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sigh - 09/03/2016 23:37 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, on my way to a job interview, a random car splattered muddy puddle water all over me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GamerAM - 09/03/2016 23:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I spent 12 hours out of my apartment running around and doing errands before heading to work, which is not unlike how my last 4 days have gone. After finally getting home at roughly 11pm, I walk in to see a sticky note that says "DO THE DISHES." I wasn't even home and I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By c0nor_jm - 09/03/2016 23:18 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, I totally bossed my music performance exam. My teacher marked me full marks and then we went to go listen to the recording. The 10 minute recording that she forgot to press 'record' for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By alwaysleftout - 09/03/2016 23:16 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, once again I was told I was not welcome at my dads house because my step mother had family visiting. This has happened more times than I can count, I can't decide if she's a bitch or my dad is so whipped that he can't stand up to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Miranda Sings - 09/03/2016 23:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was receiving looks from my co-workers all morning. It wasn't until I took a sip of coffee and noticed the red blotch on the rim of the cup that I figured out what was wrong. Someone thought it would be funny to replace my chapstick with lipstick and I was too clueless to notice. FML

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You deserved it 0

By parkey1216 - 09/03/2016 22:54 - United States - Colonia

Today, my fiance's parents spent a significant amount of time questioning and debating the horrific possible outcomes of us buying our first home, on which we recently signed a contract. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Perry85 - 09/03/2016 22:50 - United States - Midland

Today, I took my wife to work. After 2 weeks, I just happened to meet her boss, and introduced myself as her husband. He looks at my wife and says "I thought you were single?" My wife later called me to be picked up because she was fired. Turns out he only hired her to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 22:50 - United States - Houston

Today, as I was walking home from school I realized I needed to drop a load extremely bad, I noticed AFTER I had been pooping out my insides and making the most horrific noises that my maid was still cleaning. She thought there was a wild animal stuck in the bathroom. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 22:38 - United Kingdom - Wembley

A few weeks ago I was walking down the high street with my partner and son and bumped into an old friend. He commented on how much my son looked like his. He ordered a DNA test. Turns out my 4 year old son is actually his 4 year old son

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You deserved it 0

By kaithewhiteguy - 09/03/2016 22:27 - United States - Naperville

Today, I woke up to find that I had shit myself in my sleep. If that hadn't been bad enough, my girlfriend had rolled over it in her sleep and hadn't noticed. I still don't what to tell her when she wakes up. FML

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You deserved it 0

By fatty me - 09/03/2016 22:25 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, Im getting so fat 4 customers asked me if im pregnant and an old lady insisted i took her seat in the subway and gave me a speech about how wreckless it is to ride the train standing up. No one believed me im not pregnant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BogeyForTheCourse - 09/03/2016 22:24 - United States - Apache Junction

Today, my mom interrupted a Skype call I was having to throw a box of yeast infection medication at me while shouting "Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus." Yes, that's a Me, Myself, and Irene quote. FML

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You deserved it 0

By stainy - 09/03/2016 22:17 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a fancy resturaunt, in a white dress. As i was leaving i heard many snickers around me. I went home to find a greenish, brown stain on my butt. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Phil - 09/03/2016 22:17 - Canada - Pickering

Today, my neighbour walked over to my house, and knocked on my door. He then kicked me I the nuts. He then yelled "That's what you get for supporting Trump!" I don't support Donald Trump. FML

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You deserved it 0

By i sense ur lies - 09/03/2016 21:59 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I realised my college friend is getting out of all the coursework by lying about having certain illnesses, which lecturers readily believe. She claimed to have pneumonia and septicaemia but wouldn't go into a hospital. Meanwhile i'm experiencing mental health issues and no one believes me.FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 21:56 - France - Paris

I just found out I've been pronouncing my best friend's first name wrong for the past three years because we got close really quickly and got too awkward for her to correct me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 21:40 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today after a few weeks of dating my new boyfriend, we had sex for the first time tonight. Turns out he is a necrophiliac and wanted me to lie perfectly still. Every time I moved, breathed to hard or blinked my eyes too much he would stop give me this disappointed glare. FML

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You deserved it 0

By LMAO__no - 09/03/2016 21:32 - United States - South Bend

Today, I went out with a guy who acted really interested in me. By the end of the date he said "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." He got up and left me with the bill. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Top Trumps - 09/03/2016 21:23 - Ireland

Today, I found out my dad supports Donald Trump. He even hung a picture of him in the living room. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Natsert99 - 09/03/2016 21:21 - United States - Wonder Lake

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me because she saw me at lunch with another girl. The girl in question? My sister. She isn't responding to my calls. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 21:20 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, and every other day of the week, I sit beside the same person in every class in college. Every time I am reading or writing i consistently get small nudges on the shoulder only for him to show me unfunny pictures from facebook. He doesn't stop no matter how many times I politely ask. FML

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You deserved it 0

By GrahamLikeABoss - 09/03/2016 21:09 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went out to a date with a girl that my friends set me up with since I'm desperate. She was funny, beautiful, and as I found out at the end of the date, a Neo Nazi. FML

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You deserved it 0

By G - 09/03/2016 20:54

I had just bought 200 dollars worth of school books for me and my twin brother for college. I had to go to 4 different stores all across town to get them and I came home today and our little 10 year old neighbor had destroyed them all. School starts in two days. FML

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You deserved it 0

By MrsReed - 09/03/2016 20:46

Today, I found out in a meeting that the call center site I work at will close in 2 months causing 550 people to be out of a job, a month before my 2 year anniversary. We just got a raise less than a month ago after the whole building was remodeled and several people were just promoted. FML

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You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 3 701

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 992

You deserved it 8 260

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 547

You deserved it 193

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 269

You deserved it 4 514

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 724

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 896