Nearly FMLs

By Aboundingfly3r1 - 09/03/2016 16:58 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was subbing for a math class, and it was the first time I have ever substituted for any class. The kids were staring in horror as my shirt got soaked from me sweating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By collegegirl22 - 09/03/2016 16:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, a guy texted me. I had no idea who he was. But clearly he knew who I was since he had a picture of my tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ironic hand injury - 09/03/2016 16:32 - United States

Today, I have graphing assessments, two in-class essays to write and a speed test for typing. Also, a brace on my wrist from overworking the muscles and a doctor who told me not to use the hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By okudatwo - 09/03/2016 16:10 - United States - Branson

Today, it's the first day of the live show season in my town. I've worked my way up the employment ladder at my job for 4 years, and was hearing about a promotion coming my way. Then, a slightly higher-up employee brings his friend in for a job. He's far less qualified and he got my promotion. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 16:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today I threw up. In a flowerbed. And on a bus. And outside of the bus. I made the crowded bus evacuate. The people were giving me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Deweyboy - 09/03/2016 15:49 - United States - Joliet

Today, for the 4th consecutive day in a row, a woman has come into the store I work at that I'm pretty sure is schizophrenic. She'll wander the store for about 40 minutes mumbling to herself about the FBI, before leaving without buying anything. I need a better job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 15:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex girlfriend, who's 26, is pregnant with twins. Me and her hooked up at a party a few months ago, and since her tubes are tied, I didn't use a condom. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By frickbullies - 09/03/2016 15:47 - Italy - Empoli

Today, it marks the third time that my teacher hid behind the coffee machine just to avoid helping me with my frequent, violent bullying going on in her class. She even made machine-like noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ifuckedthefeartu - 09/03/2016 15:39 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to "take a break for a month or so" because "he hasn't been feeling himself" but he told me not to worry, that i'm still his girlfriend...he just refuses to acknowledge me, or treat my like his girlfriend in anyway...essentially i've been put on layaway.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By missedthemark - 09/03/2016 15:37 - United States - Bothell

Today, my boyfriend dropped the biggest, nastiest smelling deuce in the world and didn't spray the air freshener... I went in there, started to gag, and had a choice of throwing up in the sink or in the toilet. I found a spot halfway between the two. I just got done dry heaving while cleaning up my own vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cpgallahue - 09/03/2016 15:17 - United States - Evans

Today, I was at my part-time job (I'm in high school, so this was after a long day at school), working the cash register, when a drunk man came in, demanded a burger, and threatened to stab me with a plastic spoon after I told him it was a fried chicken restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By emjg96 - 09/03/2016 15:12 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me with my ex boyfriend, so much for her being a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 14:55 - United States - Hoboken

Today, my feminist English professor assigned us all debate topics that we'd have to argue using scholarly sources. In a week, I have to convince a feminist why women should NOT receive paid maternity leave. I don't even believe that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImGonnaFail - 09/03/2016 14:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to log on to my computer in cartography class, only to find my profile didn't exist. A conversation with tech revealed that another student accidentally downloaded a virus, so they had to wipe all of the files on my computer. Everything I worked on this school year is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By paleandhairy - 09/03/2016 14:52 - France - Besan?on

Today, the little girl I babysit was stroking my arm and exclaimed, "So much fur! Almost as much as my dog!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unluckyteenager - 09/03/2016 14:37 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I was presenting an essay. As I was reading my introduction, I queefed. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 14:08 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was finally promoted to full-time at work. They stuck me on shifts with the only supervisor that I can't stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DrowningLessons - 09/03/2016 14:03 - United States - Garland

Today, My mother gave me an hour and a half lecture on why I shouldn't make fun of my 17 year old cousin who's about to become a premature mother. She even stated that I'ts normal for a 17 year old to get pregnant and that I'm probably gay for being 19 and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By baywatch - 09/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, a woman yelled at me for watching her young child play in the ocean. That would be understandable if I wasn't a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By audijake18 - 09/03/2016 13:39 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I went to the dentist thinking I needed a few fillings, only to find out I needed 3 root canals and 6 fillings. My insurance also ends when I turn 21 in May, so I have to do all this before then. Yay me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EpicMarkus - 09/03/2016 13:34 - United States - Lemont

Today, It marked the 10th day of my bestfriend not having her period. This might not seem like a bad thing, but her and I are both 15 and I might be the dad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By panromantic - 09/03/2016 13:05 - United States - Honesdale

Today, my school yet again got a new food provider. Unbeknown to me, those with free food needed to fill out new lunch forms. My family and I don't have the money to pay for my meals, and nobody bothered to mention this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 12:38 - United States - Miami

Today, Me and my neighbor were playing with my her puppy in her front yard. She decided to release all the dogs at that moment. Their Chihuahua ran to me barking aggressively . Since my uncle has one and it won't do anything to you if you stand up, I stood up. It bit me right below my crotch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Liimbix - 09/03/2016 12:36 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I received an image from my girlfriend that she accidentally sent me. It was a clear image of a guy down between her thighs, eating her out. The guy in question? The same one who raped her 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By panromantic - 09/03/2016 12:27 - United States - Shenandoah

Today, my mom yelled at me for not having my clothes on a hanger. As she took clothes off my hangers for herself. And she wonders why I can't ever hang my clothes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bekie91 - 09/03/2016 12:22 - Australia - Penrith

Today, I was sitting in a shopping centre car park when my friend who I was meeting there called to see where I was when all of a sudden I had a coughing fit which resulted in her needing to buy me a new pair of undies. I had to walk casually into the nearest toilet to change FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By crazycatlady - 09/03/2016 12:10 - United States - State College

Today, I got the results of the allergy test for my cat, who has been sickly for a while. It turns out she is allergic to humans. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Totalidiot - 09/03/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I found out my boyfriend, who I moved 200 miles to live with 5 days ago, has been messaging and organising bi/trans threeways, in our new home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GlitchInBody - 09/03/2016 11:46 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my mother told me that she does not care about my opinion on going to boarding school for my learning disabilities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By embarrassed - 09/03/2016 11:36 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, my friend decided to tell the group of people we were sitting with about my fathers casual drug habit. I told her this in strict confidence. One of them was a cop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 993

You deserved it 6 408

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 848

You deserved it 9 500

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 200

You deserved it 2 503

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 171

You deserved it 52 215

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 94

Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 123