Nearly FML

By lonely in ISS - 19/04/2016 13:21 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given 3 days of ISS for getting water from the fountain, because I didn't have a pass for it. I did, however, have a pass for the bathroom literally next to the water fountain. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By DisgruntledCashier - 19/04/2016 13:15 - United States - Coal City

Today, on my first day of 8 consecutive 16-hour days in a row, I had to listen to a schizophrenic woman tell me how doctors stuck a tube up her vagina and her husband could feel it when he penetrated her with his monster cock. It took about 3 minutes, and I made 45 cents to listen to her story. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Nomosexcapades - 19/04/2016 13:03 - United States - Fredonia

Today, my dad waved at me from his riding mower, this would've been pleasant except I had my girlfriend bent over the couch (in front of the window) thrusting deeply... I finished, screaming over her, still watching my dad mow the lawn. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 12:53

Today, I woke up for university. I drove all the way to my first class, and then realized that I had today off. I am currently driving for 45 minutes back home. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 12:52 - United States - Benson

Today, as I was using the bathroom, I went to wipe and my engagement ring fell off of my finger and into the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By I Guess I Don't Need My Foot Anyway - 19/04/2016 12:48 - United States - Bronx

Today, the school nurse told me that I have to carry my 20+ pound backpack around myself even though I was told by the doctor that putting any extra weight on my injured leg can cut off circulation and land me in the ER. If it's not treated fast enough, I could lose my foot. I'm even in a cast. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By BigDub15 - 19/04/2016 12:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while remoting into my work computer from home, I decided to play some hard rap to wake myself up. However no sound seemed to be coming from my speakers. I then discovered, when my boss called me shortly after asking me to turn off the rap, that my music was playing at work. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By work_while_bent - 19/04/2016 12:16 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today my work turned several employee parking spaces into "Carpool only" parking spaces. I literally just watched 4 cars pull into them and only a single person get out of each car. All this has done is give close parking spaces to people who don't follow the fucking rules. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By lovecuteness32 - 19/04/2016 12:04 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, my boss called me to tell me that everyone at my job was getting a raise. Which would have been awesome if the next words out of their mouth wasn't except for you. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Where are my rights? - 19/04/2016 11:55 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I found out my boyfriend's brother is in £1,655.00 worth of debt and a debt collector is going to take the money's worth out of the house that myself, my boyfriend and his mother pay for. His brother doesn't even live there or have a job. They've a warrant and we've no say in the matter. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 11:48 - United States

Today I was grounded beacuse I didint give blood at a blood drive. My dad cussed me out and said Im an embarrassment. I didint give blood beacuse I have Hemophilia. They know this. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By imsogoddambored - 19/04/2016 11:41 - Australia - Aspendale

Today, I finally got an amazing looking girls number. I managed to lose it within 20 minutes, before I got my phone charged. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By JustGayNotSatan - 19/04/2016 11:30 - Australia

Today, I was kickd out of my parents house and disowned by my family. Why? I brought my boyfriend to a family brunch. Apparently I am letting my family down by being a homosexual. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By degreeforwhat - 19/04/2016 11:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally accepted a job offer after months of looking to no avail. It's to capture data, despite my degree in accounting. I also found out I'm more qualified than the CEO of the company. Fml.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By badmom - 19/04/2016 11:02 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, standing in line at the store, my 4 year old loudly exclaimed "FAT, mommy she's so fat!" While pointing at the lady in front of us. Fml.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Nicky13Na - 19/04/2016 10:53 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mother drove me to tears over the phone. Telling me my fiance will leave me, because I have a mental disorder. This is a weekly event, even though I moved out 6 years ago and I have been living with him ever since. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By Tony L. - 19/04/2016 10:50 - United States - Cadet

Today, I had to come into work at 6 in the morning. We don't even open until 9. I'm the only one here. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By anonymoz77 - 19/04/2016 10:19 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, as I walking down the stairs in front of everyone with my crush behind me, I fell... Down the stairs. My crush bent over and thinking that he would help me up I stuck my hand out. Instead he bent over to tell me I split my pants and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By Bawsack - 19/04/2016 10:13 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I worked my shift at work. I was meant to finish at 9.30pm but my pissweasel of a colleague didn't turn up for her nightshift so I had to stay. I ended up working 18 hours straight without sleep or a break. My boss called to check I was coming in for my own shift in 7 hours. Um, no. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 09:49 - Australia

Today, one of the doctors I work for suggested I ask a patient out that is quite friendly with me. I'd love to ask him out but if I do and was found out, I'd lose my job. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By holamichaela11 - 19/04/2016 09:47 - United States - Washington Court House

Today, it's my birthday, and I'm stuck on the toilet with a trash can on my lap with food poisoning. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By zzzzzz - 19/04/2016 09:45 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was so sleep deprived, when I finally took a nap, I dreamt of sleeping in bed. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By auroxtra - 19/04/2016 09:40 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, while driving, we were nearly hit by another vehicle. I flipped the other driver off when we stepped on the breaks, before continuing to drive; only to watch as he followed us straight into a parking lot and pull up next to us. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By BitterOldDan - 19/04/2016 09:28 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went and picked up coffee for some of my colleagues at work. Later in the shift I was reprimanded and fired because I left early for coffee break which was a request of my direct supervisor. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By frediq - 19/04/2016 09:18 - Australia - Wentworthville

Today, while sitting in class I realised I forgot to put my shorts on over my leggings. After class I realised I hadn't fully buttoned up my shirt. I guess that probably explains all the giggling I heard from my students today. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Bonerboy - 19/04/2016 08:52 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I stood in front of 15 grown men doing a business recap for the last few months. Recently around the office there has been propaganda that I'm into gay erotica. My wife didn't exactly help when she sent me a nude just before the meeting for "encouragement". They noticed my raging boner. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By spbb223 - 19/04/2016 08:05 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant, even though I'm on birth control and my boyfriend and I always use condoms. Fml.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 07:47 - United States

Today, I am thoroughly convinced that I found my soulmate...2 years into my marriage. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By dontdrink - 19/04/2016 07:37 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I found out that last night me and my sister had got so drunk at a friends party that we had apparently made out with each other. Good news is neither of us remember anything. Bad news is that someone took a picture and half our school has it. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By GettingFitisHopeless - 19/04/2016 07:27 - United States - Sleepy Eye

Today, I decided to go on the treadmill after ignoring physical activity for months. 10 minutes in, my Dad comes and yells at me because the treadmill is "too loud", and he's trying to watch his show. I guess my lifestyle won't be changing today. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

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Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML

agreeclassic 4 279

vote type 1 1 790

Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML

agreeclassic 71 572

vote type 1 3 320

Today, I was reported for mortgage fraud. The reason? A distant cousin wanted to congratulate me on my new home, but she was upset that I didn’t go through the lender she works for. FML

agreeclassic 1 042

vote type 1 111

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

agreeclassic 38 923

vote type 1 3 901

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

agreeclassic 15 351

vote type 1 4 340

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

agreeclassic 34 914

vote type 1 3 697