Nearly FMLs

By lovew - 18/04/2016 05:39 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my dad brought his new girlfriend over. my mom still lives with us. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Raebird - 18/04/2016 05:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, is the 4th day that I've been taking care of my boyfriend and waiting for his attention when I need it, since he's been playing his new video game. I asked if we could spend some time together in 30 minutes, 10 minutes later he asked what I wanted so we could get it over with, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ohgodwhy - 18/04/2016 05:12 - United States - Grenada

Today, while trying to sleep, I let out the longest, nastiest, wettest sounding fart, courtesy of Mexican food. I thought my friend was asleep until they started giggling from the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jaguarthecar - 18/04/2016 05:10 - United States - Laramie

Today, while I was playing GTA on my PS4 my mom walked into my room without knocking first. I was at the strip club... making it rain. She grounded me for a month for "watching inappropriate shows". At least she doesn't know that it was GTA... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By VR Porn is too good - 18/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I walked in on my younger brother using my Oculus Rift to watch VR porn. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SoBeSatan - 18/04/2016 04:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, is my birthday. The only person to wish my happy birthday was an email I got from my gynaecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By OptimusSlime - 18/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Sewell

Today, my mom confronted me for my cuts on my arms, asking me why I cut. I don't cut. I was just too ashamed to tell her I ran into a mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TacoMortis - 18/04/2016 04:14 - United States

Today, a junior in high school tried to convince me that the small intestine came before your stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 18/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I was at work talking to my boss about my boyfriend, who is also my coworker, he told me that he was told I had sex with him in the break room and apparently now the rumor is, is that I am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 18/04/2016 04:07 - United States - Denver

Today my friend texted me asking if she could grab something from my dorm room. I told her no because I wasn't there and have been away for 3 weeks because of medical issues. She got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 04:04

Today, after a thorough brainwashing carried out by his family, my 30-year-old fiance decided he could not be trusted make personal decisions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By no more new restaurants - 18/04/2016 04:02 - United States - Valley Park

Today, I can't enjoy my first night of relaxation since February due to food poising. I've been throwing liquid hell out of both ends for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 04:01 - United States - Ruckersville

Today I sent my husband a bikini pic because he has been deployed for a while and hasn't seen me. He got angry because I have abs and "was flexing" and he thought I was out of shape. No other comment was made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By notgoingtoharvard - 18/04/2016 03:43 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I realized that my teacher forgot to sign me up for the A.P. Calculus BC exam I am taking in a few weeks (my school pays for them). Now I don't have a math credit, and I just wasted an entire year working my butt off for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 18/04/2016 03:32 - United States - Troy

Today, I got caught by my mom having online sex with my girlfriend, it was hard to hide the fact that I was jerking off when there was semen all over my chest and my girlfriend with her legs spread on the monitor FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By too much money spent - 18/04/2016 03:30 - United States - Belington

Today, I just realized today that when I'm extremely upset or angry, I go online shopping. I'm not sure exactly how much I've bought in the past based on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Weirdwoman - 18/04/2016 03:28 - India - Pathankot

Today, while lying around in my boyfriend's house I thought of doing a little investigation in his phone. An hour later I found myself walking out of his house bare feet in the middle of the night with my belongings and shoes as I realised I was being cheated all this while, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Ilovefood - 18/04/2016 03:28 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I turned in my resignation letter to my supervisor, which he promptly put into the paper shredder and destroyed it. He informed me that I can't quit, I can take a break but, I just can't quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TheSecretShadow - 18/04/2016 03:25 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I was at my younger cousin's birthday party. One of the kids wanted to play with nerf guns and bean bags as grenades. It was fun until he threw a bean bag at me as hard as he could and of course hit me in the balls. It hurt like hell, then I looked up and realized he threw a baseball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By dezbriana22 - 18/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Hatfield

Today, my boyfriend jumped out and scared me while I was trimming my eyebrows. I'll be penciling in a good chunk of my eyebrow for the next few weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jephte00 - 18/04/2016 03:18 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, I got a call while I was in the bathroom getting ready to have "sexy time" with my gf. They said that my dog had to be put down. I came out crying and my girlfriend said "oh you already know im breaking up with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Viv - 18/04/2016 03:16 - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. With my SSN available for all the world to see since as it turns on my employer decided to put it on the W2 form, in its entirety......I was on my way to file my taxes. I never carry my SS card anywhere but there you go. Doing taxes on time screwed me over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Carol_Pines - 18/04/2016 03:15 - United States - Miami

Today, my great grandma said "wasting food is a sin," and ranted about that for a few minutes because I didn't finish my second serving of food. this is the same woman who literally NEVER finishes her food and let's her dog go around biting people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By theregoesmylunch - 18/04/2016 03:15 - United States - Greenville

Today, my boyfriend farted in the car and it was so bad I wanted to throw up. I asked him to pull over but he didn't believe it was really that bad until I puked in my hands. When he finally pulled over, he yelled at me for it while I continued to barf on the side of a busy highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By PHD - 18/04/2016 03:10 - United States - Sterling

Today, my boss asked me to watch his dog for the weekend. I took my girlfriend over to his house to see the dog, and one thing led to another and we started having sex. In his bed. I didn't realize it, but the condom broke, and I nutted in her. Karmas a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By karma - 18/04/2016 03:03 - United States - Woodway

Today, I ran into my until yesterday, boyfriends mother while at Chipotle. Ran into may be the wrong wording. My friend and I were calling him all sorts of names while waiting in line, most having to do with him being a cheater, when I looked to my right and saw her eating. She heard every word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anun - 18/04/2016 02:57 - United States - Altoona

Today, I wasted all the money I had on my boyfriend because I wanted to get him something. I checked on the same item later in the store, and it was on sale. I blew 30 extra dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my boyfriend drove me home in a sweet jesture so my parents didn't have to meet me somewhere. He got a call from his drunk father telling him to leave in 30 min. When he got home, his father grounded him to the house for 2 weeks because of his attitude. My boyfriend is 19. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ScarredForLife - 18/04/2016 02:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after recovering from surgery, my mom decided to "air out" her stitches. She had cosmetic surgery on her thighs so she's been walking around in her thong all day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 02:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, im on my way to Melbourne for a suprise trip. I have 6 assignments to do and a 1000 word essay due over the holidays. We start school as soon as we come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my son is still single in his forties, so I asked him about it. Turns out, because he has his buddies and doesn’t want kids, he hires a house cleaning service twice a month and prostitutes twice a week, so he can’t think of any scenario in which a wife could improve his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 641

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 670

You deserved it 4 116

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 137

You deserved it 3 887

Today, I was in a crowded elevator and, like any sane person, eavesdropped on the couple in front of me. The guy was breaking up with his girlfriend, and she was crying. As they got off, I patted her on the back and said, "You can do better, honey." It wasn’t until the doors closed that I realized I had just encouraged my boss's wife to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 551

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 085

You deserved it 3 105

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says, "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 321

You deserved it 2 868