Nearly FMLs

By blehbbleh - 20/04/2016 03:23 - United States - Roanoke

Today, after my mom already told them she couldn't watch their 9 month old child because she is really sick, my brother and sister in law decided to drop their baby on my sick, dying grandmother instead and go out to get drunk. I live with disrespectful assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Katie1921 - 20/04/2016 03:21 - United States - New York

Today during chemistry I submitted my 20 page lab report that I had stayed up all night to finish and was very proud of (my teacher does not allow extensions). We did two experiments this month, one with a lab report and one without. Guess which one I wrote lab on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By headpool752 - 20/04/2016 03:19

Today, turns out the reason I look more like my sister than my mom is because my sister IS my mom

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 03:18 - United States - Hutchinson

Today I was hit on by five different men. All five were married. The one guy I am Interested in is single and wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Nerd - 20/04/2016 03:18 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I realized just how nerdy my family is when my father and I got into an in-depth discussion on how multiverses work in the Marvel Universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Sticks11 - 20/04/2016 03:17 - United States - Appleton

Today, I came downstairs only to step in cat puke. I then proceeded to trip, rip a scab off my knee, which got blood everywhere. While trying to clean up and stop the bleeding I forgot that there was cat puke on my foot and brought that throughout the house. I now have to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jvick975 - 20/04/2016 03:15 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I walked in on my dad sitting on his bed watching a movie in his boxers, his donger hanging in plain sight out the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By cole66 - 20/04/2016 02:57 - United States - Knoxville

Today, i am sick, so i decided to get a shower and try to relax, once i got out, I shook my towl to make sure that there wasnt a spider in it, like always. luckily, there were no spiders in it, however, there was one heck of an angry wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By trustissues - 20/04/2016 02:53 - United States - Colorado Springs

My girlfriend got stuck out of town due to a blizzard last week. She told me she was going to stay at a coworkers house because she trusted him not to try to get in her pants. Today I saw messages on her phone about how great the sex was and how she couldnt wait to give him another blowjob.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Dan the Man - 20/04/2016 02:53 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my boss decided to demonstrate how to properly do my job. After telling him my crane needs around 5 minutes to warm up before it will work correctly, he started running the hydraulic lines cold and busted all the hoses and fittings. I can't go back to work till its fixed next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ANONYMOUS - 20/04/2016 02:52 - United States - League City

Today, after working on a project for 7 hours straight, I turned it into my teacher. She glanced at it once and gave it back to me saying she was only going to take a completion grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By infertility is a lie - 20/04/2016 02:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I told my husband, that due to a previous condition, I am infertile. My husband then proceeded to say "infertility is a lie, and you just don't want a family with me." He now wants a divorce, so he can meet someone "ready to give him a family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Miracll1441 - 20/04/2016 02:43 - Australia - Woolloongabba

Today, my English teacher wanted us to ask questions and put them in a hat so that they would be anonymous. Jokingly, my question was 'How many dicks do you suck Mr. Smith?' I placed it under my books as I did not intend for it to be put in the hat. My friend put it in the hat. I'm suspended. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By bamrd - 20/04/2016 02:42 - United States - Denver

Today, I was given four week's notice two months after being told I could work until August under my contract due to "poor performance" resulting from documented medical complications from a botched treatment for a serious disorder. In four weeks I will be homeless if I can't find a job FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By 6xrv - 20/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, as I was going up the escalator at Macy's, I was severely shocked by the handrail, causing me to drop the bag I was carrying, which fell down to the bottom of the escalator. The bag was full of China I had just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Mary - 20/04/2016 02:37 - United States - Torrance

Today I was talking to my friend, and he recapped the amount of times I went to the bathroom with details and times for each, all of which were right. I haven't seen him more than once today. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By chford - 20/04/2016 02:34 - United States - Simi Valley

Today,my professor called me out in front of the whole class for being on my phone and made me read the last 10 messages to the class, I was to ashamed to tell him I had been playing Pokemon, so I said the first thing that came to mind, a story about my creepy ex, who was in the class FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By titanette - 20/04/2016 02:30 - United States

Today, I spent 3 weeks on a painting for a local art contest. When I finished I put it up against the wall in my kitchen to dry. My mother in law managed to spill her coffee all over it.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Unrequited - 20/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Wilson

Today, I thought I was finally getting over my feelings for a girl who has a boyfriend. Then she noticed me at rehearsal, shouted my name and waved. I was so excited that she remembered my existence I could hardly reply. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By heyyyitsmaria72 - 20/04/2016 02:25 - United States - Houston

Today, there was a surprise phone check at school because there was a fight and they were looking for people that recorded it. I didn't have time to erase all my dank memes. My teacher now thinks I am the weirdest girl in her class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By XxFunnyThingsxX - 20/04/2016 02:23 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I figured out that I once argued with a boy about who had a longer elbow. This answered my question on why nobody liked me in elementary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By OneOnJuanAction - 20/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I forgot my phone at my house while on my way to work, but I decided to not turn around and grab it. After a long day of hard and tiring work, I checked my phone when I got home, only to get a text message this morning from my boss saying I could have had today off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By >Virgo<^Turbo^ - 20/04/2016 02:20 - United States

Today, I decided to wear a skirt while taking my elderly grandpa out to ice cream. It was especially windy outside, which I found out too late. The wind blew my skirt up and I dropped my ice cream in an attempt to hold it down, while my grandpa hooted at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 02:18 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I chipped my tooth while eating. It wouldn't have been bad, except I was eating a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Son of.. - 20/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out my father was having affairs, at least three. I went to my mother immediately, and was relieved she believed me. We kicked him out of the house, serves the abusive ass right. Unfortunately, he left my mother a permanent reminder. She just came positive for herpes. Thanks, Dad.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 02:12 - United States - Summit

Today, I was given an F on my research paper because apparently, "there were too many numbers." Somehow that qualifies it as, "a book report, not a research essay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Dorminion - 20/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was caught masturbating. By my parents? Nope. My wife? Wrong again. I was caught polishing my rocket by a burglar. And yes it was as awkward as it sounds.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By phukthisshit - 20/04/2016 02:00 - United States - Springfield

today, after a week of stomach issues, I was feeling better. then I discovered that I still can't trust a fart. while grocery shopping. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Wrestle4Life - 20/04/2016 01:42 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was texting someone I sort of liked for a good hour then he asked me to send a picture of myself, after i did he stoped texting me FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Lee - 20/04/2016 01:41 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home from work to find my new roommate had hidden the pots, pans, and baking trays in the 3rd room so I wouldn't use them. She never mentioned that she doesn't want to share cookware. I still cannot find the kitchen trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 189

You deserved it 3 220

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 072

You deserved it 38 416

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 990

You deserved it 3 492

Today, I was excited to try my new skincare mask. My dog apparently thought I had turned into some kind of monster and barked hysterically for twenty minutes before lunging at my face and licking it off. So much for self-care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 147

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 659

You deserved it 34 950

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 245