Nearly FMLs

By Unlucky girl - 19/04/2016 06:55 - United States - Hazel Green

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, after I spent $236. On tickets to go see him in another state FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 06:55 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after a heavy night of drinking and passing out on my bed, I awoke to find my mate hooking up with a girl right beside me. It was only later that I found out that the girl was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Larry - 19/04/2016 06:16 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I was eating my girlfriend out and I got a bloody nose. Needless to say I've never made a girl scream so loud before. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By :( - 19/04/2016 06:04 - United States - Albany

Today, I kicked a soccer ball to a first grader. He ran toward the ball and tripped over it. Another first grader respond by saying, "and that's why you can never trust a female." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By RobbedYew - 19/04/2016 05:22 - United States - Redding

Today, I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 2 years because we wanted different things. What's the difference? I want kids, and she hates them with a passion. It would have been fine if she didn't kick me in the nuts and ask if we can get back together because I can't have kids now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By mikaylanichelle - 19/04/2016 05:00 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend and I planed to go on a romantic picnic. Things got hot and steamy and he insured me no one would walk down considering you had to walk through shin deep ice cold beach water. Two old people we passed earlier saw us having sex. And we had to walk back in hip high water now FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By tittyboomboom - 19/04/2016 04:59 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I mentioned to the guy I've been seeing that I'm down for some back door love. He tells me he's never tried but he's keen, and before to long we get down to it. He's currently sitting in the shower, bawling his eyes out, because he enjoyed it too much...which in his mind makes him gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By strangebuttrue - 19/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Marion

Today, I woke up from a nap face to face with a chipmunk. I was in my bed, in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Nate868 - 19/04/2016 04:47 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I am unsure if my step mom saw me masturbating. My door was cracked open and I think I saw Her walk by. She always stares at me now and things will never be the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By FalloutScrolls - 19/04/2016 04:46 - United States

Today, I texted my wife asking for a selfie. She replied with "Why?" I said "because I wanna see something pretty." All I got was a text an hour and a half later saying "lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By w0w - 19/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my blind date started with, "I am required by law to tell you this: I am a registered sex offender." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 19/04/2016 04:32 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. I am on my period so I stealthily removed my tampon and threw it on the floor trying not to ruin the mood. A couple minutes in we heard growling. My cats were fighting over my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By drangonangel14 - 19/04/2016 04:29 - United States

Today, after calling the cops on my slut of a neighbor for indecency, they arrested me for sexual harassment. Apparently the hussy is a bad ass lawyer with a all win record and I pissed her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anon - 19/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I was diagnosed with chronic folliculitis by my dermatologist. She prescribed a medication that could very easily kill me, that's not even meant for folliculitis. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 04:09 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my sister plastered my entire room with pictures of Misha Collins with Nicholas Cage's eyes photoshopped over his. That includes my ceiling, window, door, and both of my dressers and mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By new car no more - 19/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, I bought a brand new Audi R8. Not even a day into owning it, my mother stole it while I was at work and ended up totaling it. I found out when I got home to a tow truck dumping it onto my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lukian - 19/04/2016 03:51

Today, I went to the bathroom and as I was going number two, a shard of chicken bone lacerated my arsehole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By GingerSnap98 - 19/04/2016 03:48 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my parents told me that I should just forget about my boyfriend and hook up with his more mature roommate who is 4 years older than me. I told them that's just wrong and mean, they responded by saying I'm just a slut anyways so why should I care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By whut - 19/04/2016 03:47 - United States - Lewisville

Today, an older customer of mine tried to set me up on a date. The problem is, I'm a 17 year old straight guy, and she was trying to set me up with her 34 year old son who lives in her basement. According to her, I should take the offer, cause it's the best I'm ever going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By AHeart4Nature - 19/04/2016 03:43 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I was going for a hike. Me and my friend found a dead kangaroo. Being me, I suggested we check if it had a Joey inside since it was a female and it looked fairly bloated. My friend stood back then I poked it with a stick. BAM! Turns out it was full of gas and it exploded all over us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By take a break - 19/04/2016 03:42 - United States - Lewisville

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, his roommate walked in, and stuck up a conversation with him. My boyfriend proceeded to stop, sit up, and talk to him about some new video game, and then get mad at me for not responding to a question (as I hid under the covers, naked) FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By oops - 19/04/2016 03:37 - United States - Lewisville

Today, while proctoring a test, I decided to check my email and other social media sites. I didn't realize, however, my laptop synced automatically to the smart projector, and was displaying my screen. Let's just say I wasn't looking at PG things online... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By RunsLikeSeal - 19/04/2016 03:29 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was told that I would not be able to join the school soccer team, and was asked to leave tryouts. Why? My running was so awkward that the coach couldn't concentrate on everyone else from laughing too hard at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By FMAmory - 19/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Roanoke

Today, after countless hours of puking and not being able to eat anything all day, I tried eating ice to get my fever down. That only resulted in my permanent retainer snapping. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 03:07 - United States

Today, I worked my ass off all year long for an award, mostly working for free. The guy that won got it because he whined about never winning anything. He cooks once a week and his sweat drips into people's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Dickcheney1 - 19/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I had my presentation on a USB drive and on an online server. Both of which were useless when the classroom computer completely stopped working. The teacher won't reschedule the presentation or let us hand it in as a regular assignment, and is giving everyone an F. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By _7_8_9__1 - 19/04/2016 03:02 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my "friends" convinced my boyfriend that I cheated on him so he broke up with me, then told me they didn't like me and kicked me out of our apartment. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I turned away from my computer screen for a second to grab something. While my back was turned, a fly landed on my screen which I mistook for my mouse when I came back. As soon as I realized what it was, it proceeded to fly straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Rachael - 19/04/2016 02:55 - United States

Today, my mother was trying to predict what was going to happen in the show we were watching. We were watching a documentary. On history that actually took place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By happypenguins - 19/04/2016 02:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I woke up to see that my older sister has plastered my entire bedroom with posters of Nicolas Cage. Including the ceiling. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 371

You deserved it 3 069

Today, to make money, I’ve had to Airbnb my house while I sleep at my sister's. The very first guest I had caused fire damage to the kitchen and a huge skid mark on the mattress. Not on the sheets, on the actual mattress. No idea where the sheets are, I think they stole them, and the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 130

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 9 662

Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 125

Today, I've lived in my apartment for over 5 years with no bugs, as I'm phobic of them. I broke up with my ex, who smirked at me and declared war. I now have thousands of roaches that I can't get rid of. Coincidence? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 176

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 118