Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:53 - United States

Today, I was at work for the usual 9-5 and that whole time no one told me that I had a coffee stain on my ass. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TheLostCauseFML - 19/04/2016 02:46 - United States - Kopperl

Today, I had my first sexual encounter for the first time in two years. It would have been great if it wasn't with my Mom in a nightmarish dream. She had a penis. I'm never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By reallymom?! - 19/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Talladega

Today, two bad things happened. 1, my mom hit an animal with my car that now needs fixing and 2, my dog got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sickpuppy - 19/04/2016 02:30 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, at my nursing home job, I brought my dog in to visit with the residents. I turn my back on her for 10 seconds then turn back in horror to find a resident with dementia feeding her some chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Sophia - 19/04/2016 02:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I visited my grandmother in the hospital. After not seeing me for almost a year because of her cancer, she sees me and says "I wish it was you here, you're the one who deserves it." All of this is because I broke up with my boyfriend that she liked for abusing me.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By depressed and lonely - 19/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I beat a guy in Counter Strike, an online game. He didn't take it so well; in fact, he was the owner of a big gaming group. He called upon his powers and got them all to send me hateful comments, telling me to commit suicide. I was depressed, and now it's much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:12 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I met my father for the first time. He looks like the kind of guy I'd hate to run into in an alley in broad daylight. fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 19/04/2016 02:06 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I realized that sneezing often pleases me more than masturbating does anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By OnlySkyrimStays - 19/04/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, my dog got into next door's garden. This wouldn't be so bad if next door didn't keep chickens. Chickens that are the spawn of Satan that chased my dog into my garden and into the house, spraying chicken shit and shedding feathers everywhere. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By yergenferfer - 19/04/2016 01:49 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I thought it'd be hot if my girlfriend woke up to some cunnilingus, let's just say I should have picked a better time of month to try this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 01:44 - United States - Kalispell

Today I noticed how similar my lips looked to a puckered anus. I began sliding my finger into it to see how much like anal sex it looked. I got a raging boner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Delirious_Panda - 19/04/2016 01:37 - Australia - Southport

Today, after buying a really cool knife from a convention I got to find out exactly how sharp it was when I took out a large section from my thumb...all while attempting to cut a door into a cardboard box so I could have a play fort. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Mewsmash - 19/04/2016 01:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my father didn't show up for my birth. Why? He was at a bar, getting wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By JJ - 19/04/2016 01:19 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I woke up to my dog on my bed with a evil look on his face, I didn't know what it meant, but then I decided to put my slippers on and felt something inside and turns out he pooped in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Midnightpearls - 19/04/2016 01:12 - United States

Today, I sat down to start grading my class's papers, which were in a manila envelope. I opened the envelope to find that it was empty. It was the wrong one. I had thrown out the envelope with the papers three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ThereasonwhyIdie - 19/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my long-distance friend about the stress of school and getting into a college. He told me "Why not just go to UC Berkeley?". This school is known to deny students with 4.4. He didn't get why it'd be so hard to get into a school that has a 15% acceptance rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By RIP Tilly - 19/04/2016 01:05 - Australia

Today, the cat I have had all my life, and comforted me countless times that i was suicidal, has been stolen, and a picture of her corpse sent to me. I have had that cat 17 years. RIP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By MikaykayUnicorn - 19/04/2016 00:58 - United States - Newcastle

Today, I got a text from my ex boyfriend telling me he hopes I get a hamster shoved up my asshole so far I cough up blood. All I asked was for him to delete my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Dronefml - 19/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I found out that Bluetooth doesn't reach very far. I was flying my $70 minidrone that I bought two days ago, and as I flew it to take some roof pictures as I had done earlier, the Bluetooth connection decided to shit itself. Now I have a $70 roof ornament until I can get a giant ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Disturbed by own dreams - 19/04/2016 00:41 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I got extremely aroused from a sex dream I had, that I soaked my underwear. I haven't actually been aroused in ages. Too bad the dream was of Marge Simpson, and then me having sex with a bag of Cheetos afterwards. What the fuck brain.. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By cegoldner - 19/04/2016 00:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I walked into my dorm and my roommate was in the muddle of getting her ass eaten by her boyfriend . they both just stopped and stared at me . FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By chris - 19/04/2016 00:36 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was in the gym and was looking down at my phone . I was headed towards the locker room . I didn't bother to look up when I was entering the locker room . Turns out I walked into the guys locker room and the football team from my school was there . They werewrestling... naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By youdontsay123456 - 19/04/2016 00:14 - United States - Dallas

Today, while at my friend's house my period decided to come early. While on a white couch and wearing thin pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 23:50 - Japan

Today my boss told me if I mess up at work again I'm fired. I have the highest score on evaluations, exams, and inspections of anyone in my office including him. My crime? My sock was inside out and Therefor I did not meet the employ dress code. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By sammysucks - 18/04/2016 23:46 - United States - Redding

Today, as I was leaving my college class, I kept on getting whistled at and guys were coming up asking for my number. I was feeling really good about myself until I got into my car. Thats when I noticed someone stuck a sign to my back saying "will suck dick for free"

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ___J11____ - 18/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, I got to work after finishing a long project for school and found out seven people didn't show up. I work at a grocery store, so the five of us were backed up on the busiest day I've seen while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By kolby12309 - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I ended up walking in front of a group of guys talking about graphic anal. Every time I sped up, they would walk faster, and they wouldnt pass me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Being a twin sucks - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, my twin sister and I had just gotten out of Walmart when I asked her to give me my soda she chuckled and handed it over. It blew up in my face, she had slipped Mentos into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By VBD - 18/04/2016 23:39 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after weeks of staying inside all day I was invited to go play baseball with my friends. When I arrived no one was there. They all ditched me to go play football and no one told me till after the game finished. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By dontgattago - 18/04/2016 23:00 - United States

Today, I've been in the clinic lobby for an hour waiting for my bladder to fill enough for the drug test that I didn't know I'd be doing today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I joined a conversation about a TV show at work, agreeing enthusiastically. After a few minutes, I realized they were talking about a completely different show with a similar name. I nodded along, trapped, hoping no one asked questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 102

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 656

You deserved it 21 473

Today, I was in my girlfriend's room when she walked in after getting out of the shower, wearing just a towel. She removed it and I was inches away from going down on her when I noticed she hadn’t wiped properly, either before or after her shower. She'd complained about stomach problems earlier, but regardless… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 136

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 765

You deserved it 3 279

Today, at 1 am, I got a message from a colleague, who I have never met, bossing me around requesting "immediately, ASAP" some information a monkey could've found online in 5 minutes. I told her that she sounded rude and unorganised. Ten minutes later, I got a mail from my boss asking me to apologise to her. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 309

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 441

You deserved it 4 954