Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 22:45 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, my cousins from the other side of the ocean sent me a message saying they wanted to see photos of my new baby with my wife. I told them it'd be better if they came and met him, mostly because I want to see them too. They then blocked me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By wififorme - 18/04/2016 22:40 - United States - Woodside

Today, I sat awkwardly in my car in a parking lot outside of a coffee shop to use the free wifi to watch YouTube videos because I'm too cheap to get internet in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 22:34 - United States - Olathe

Today, my dog ate a rabbit, whole, in my back yard. He then proceeded to throw up partly digested rabbit guts all over my carpet, and my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By whowhy - 18/04/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I let my girlfriend drive my new lexus IS 250 f sport. she's has been begging me to let her drive it ever since I got it. so i said why not. Not even 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from her telling me she crashed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 21:43 - Portugal - Vila Nova De Gaia

Today, my boyfriend and I are so broke that we celebrated our 11 year anniversary with a romantic dinner of sandwiches and fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Ouch - 18/04/2016 21:41 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I attempted to masturbate after eating some flamin' hot cheetos. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 9

By anon - 18/04/2016 21:40 - United States - Birmingham

Today, is the 22nd day of my period. To top it off, I've had excruciatingly painful cramps everyday, and a male p.e. teacher who thinks cramps are just excuses. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By deepan_dsouza - 18/04/2016 21:35 - India - Mumbai

Today, while photographing a kids birthday party I accidentally touched the ass of the woman who booked me for my services, she thought I willingly did it and asked whether I could shoot her 'in the same place' She's a Single Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By faphorror - 18/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Troy

Today, I was masturbating in my bed, when my dad walked in. I didn't know what to do, so I quickly pulled up my pants and blurted out "Hey dad, I've been thinking about you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By yeeshmylifesucks - 18/04/2016 20:30 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I found out that both my mom and dad have chronic diseases and could die at any time, and they both have been very close to dying FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 20:29 - United States - Summerville

Today at school, I was chilling with my girlfriend and I was going in for a kiss. Usually when she is suprized like this, she spills a small secret. Turns out she was cheating on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Piand how cow - 18/04/2016 20:20 - United States

Today, While having sex with my girlfriend she moaned out my best best friends name. After seeing my shocked expression she thought it would comfort me to tell me "don't worry you have a way bigger dick than he does"

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anon - 18/04/2016 20:16 - United States

Today, during gym, everybody exept for me was playing basket ball, because I have a fractored arm. My friends thought that it would be funny to "accidentally " peg a ball at me. I now have a broken arm and stiches on mr head.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By killerparade - 18/04/2016 20:07 - United States - Taylorsville

Today, my boyfriend has convinced himself that I don't love him anymore and that I don't want to touch him all because I saw a picture of him and his ex and asked when it was taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Dank Memes - 18/04/2016 20:04 - United States - Waynesboro

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? She said my memes weren't "dank" enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:47 - United States - Daly City

Today, I accidentally sent my nudes to my friend's boyfriend instead of mine. Their names happen to be the same. She doesn't believe that it was an accident and won't talk to me and broke up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

By David - 18/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I went to get McDonald's after a 8 hr shift at work. After ordering my food at the drive through, I forgot to pay at the first window and was sitting at the second one completely oblivious as the worker stared at me until I realized I didn't pay and sped off, completely embarrassed...FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:44 - United States - Escanaba

Today, I found out we've been putting the house on lock-down because my childhood friend is in jail for attempted murder. Why does this affect us, you ask? Because her raging alcoholic father lives right next to us, and he's an accomplice on the run from the police... again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Jmdezy - 18/04/2016 19:41 - Switzerland

Today, while I was at Walmart shopping for a toy present for my niece, I found a toy that repeats what you say. I thought it would be funny to make it repeat "Hitler was right." right when a family walked into the aisle and looked at me in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:28 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while using the urinal at work, I didn't realize my dick was pointed as far down as it was and I accidentally pissed all over my pants....now I'm sitting in the stall waiting for them to dry 20 minutes over my break time, FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By annon - 18/04/2016 19:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was taken to jail after my girlfriends sister told the police I was holding her against her will. Her sister is crazy but after I was let go nothing happened to her at all. I thought this would be the final straw that would send her to jail and leave me in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By TotallyScrewed - 18/04/2016 18:59 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my crackhead brother pawned off an engagement ring I bought. The same engagement ring I was gonna propose to my girlfriend with at the fancy restaurant I've had reservations to for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By skittleturkey - 18/04/2016 18:41 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, while in US History, I meant to ask when Jimmy Carter was President. I accidentally asked, "When was Jimmy Carter pregnant?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Milo - 18/04/2016 18:35 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to do a urine test at my doctor's office. As I flushed the toilet, the urine filled container fell off the top of the toilet paper holder into the high powered flush and disappeared. It had my name on it so I told reception. I couldn't pee again so I have to go back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By fizro - 18/04/2016 18:33 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I mistook a dried piece of dog poo with grass on it for weed. I smoked dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By KereKris - 18/04/2016 18:14 - Netherlands - Zwolle

Today, I got on the bus, paid for my ticket and then told the very attractive bus driver to "Have a good fuck". I wanted to say "Have a good morning" but I bit my tongue halfway trough and cursed because it hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 18:13 - Brazil - Alagoinhas

Today, our water got cut. Not cuz we didn't pay the bills, but cuz the water company keeps charging for a bill that was paid before we even rented this place, even though the landlady has complained several times to the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Luckybastarb - 18/04/2016 18:04 - Jordan - Amman

Today,i went on a hunting trip , the only thing that got shot was my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Liddell - 18/04/2016 18:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had the pleasure to learn that two of my good friends are against any members of the LGBT+ community and one of them even support the death penalty for them. I am bisexual and I thought about telling them. Never mind for that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ImaSuckerV2 - 18/04/2016 17:56 - United States - Nashville

Today, I googled my name and found a gay porn star. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 385

You deserved it 4 403

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 475

You deserved it 9 528

Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 985

You deserved it 4 834

Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 616

You deserved it 2 301

Today, my car broke down. I pulled to the side of the road to call a tow truck. After waiting what seemed like hours, the tow truck showed up, and then ran into the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 172

You deserved it 2 866

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 443

You deserved it 1 860