Nearly FMLs

By takingsomeLs - 20/04/2016 01:39 - United States - College Station

Today, I was on my way back to campus for class. On the way there, my stomach really started to hurt. The closer I got to my building, the need to go got stronger. I was right outside my building when I leaked. I still had to sit through class with poop in my pants because class was required. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Stephan708 - 20/04/2016 01:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while working at a fast food joint, I was told to take my break outside in the rain because my healthy lunch was "offending the customers". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By not my fault - 20/04/2016 01:29 - United States - Clover

Today, I have to retake my course after weeks of studying and maintaining top in class. Why? In my end of term paper, I used the word knife in a metaphor. Apparently, it's a trigger word for my professor, so he failed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By PumaGator - 20/04/2016 01:20 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I let my baby cousin watch YouTube on my phone. He then proceeded to fling my phone across the table. This wouldn't have been so bad, if my Lifeproof case wasn't fake. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Wat - 20/04/2016 01:17 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I was getting it on with my girlfriend and when I finished she turns over in anger. I asked her what was wrong, she then explains she's been having suspicion I've been cheating on her because I haven't been cumming enough lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By 2 to 0 - 20/04/2016 01:11 - United States - Armonk

Today, I came home to my fish not in the fish tank. I look all around the fish tank but it is nowhere to be found. Once I gave up, I walk into the kitchen to found out that my cat died. It choked on the fish.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By almostsingle - 20/04/2016 01:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, after a wonderful date with my boyfriend of two years and an engaging conversation he loudly says "Man, I can't wait to see what my next girlfriend will be like." I didn't know he was already planning his future without me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By why tho - 20/04/2016 01:00 - United States - Helena

Today, I was grounded and suspended for spray painting the gym at my school. I haven't been to school this week because of the flu, my mom knows this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By pineapple69 - 20/04/2016 01:00 - United States - Saginaw

Today, my dad was talking to me about how I can't date until I'm 69. Then out of nowhere my mom butts in and says, 'She has a boyfriend!' I'm grounded for a week. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Piggy Preservatives - 20/04/2016 00:57 - United States - Dallas

Today, I donated blood and I was very dizzy and felt sick. I also had my biology final lab practical where we had to evaluate dissected fetal pigs. The smell of the month old persevered pigs was enough to cause me to almost pass out in the middle of the final and have to run outside to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By USA - 20/04/2016 00:44 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my teacher gave me a detention and nearly had me suspended for saying that America was the best country, during a project about your favorite country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By friskeywhiskey95 - 20/04/2016 00:41 - Canada - Belwood

Today, my boyfriend and I made jalapeños stuffed with cream cheese. Afterwards we were laying on the couch watching TV and he started to finger me. He forgot to wash his hands. My insides are now burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By foxpug - 20/04/2016 00:08 - United States - Butler

Today, I finally claimed victory in my 36+ hour battle with insomnia...for all of 5 minutes. All credit goes to the fuckstick in the shitmobile that parked outside my house and blasted some bass-heavy excuse for music at a volume that literally caused my teeth to vibrate gently in my skull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 00:05 - United States - Winter Park

Today is only my third week in graduate school. I almost didn't start because I had to fly across the East Coast to take care of my mother after her heart surgery less than a month ago. Glad she was doing well, I left her with my dad. Today, I found out my father has cancer in his lungs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By holwil625 - 20/04/2016 00:00 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I got married at the courthouse. My husband's family is now furious at me for not inviting them to watch us sign a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Happy Birthday to me. - 19/04/2016 23:22 - United States - Franklin

Today, it is my birthday. It is also the day I discovered a mouse infestation at my house, my girlfriend decided to tell me the truth about how she can't do this anymore and subsequently broke up with me, and I have a test that could cause me to fail a class tomorrow. Happy Birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By AlexTurnerAM - 19/04/2016 23:20 - United Kingdom - Lisburn

Today, I was getting a blowjob and when I came, my cumload hit the back of my girlfriend's throat so hard that it triggered a gag reflex and she threw up on my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By SMASHAZ - 19/04/2016 23:10 - United States - Phoenix

Today I woke up to find my favorite sex toy had been eaten by a rat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By harrypotterfan22 - 19/04/2016 23:04 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad told me that my extreme and paralyzing fear of clowns is just me "looking for attention." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I learned that my husband thought it was a good idea to leave the movie Stephan King's It on with our daughter in the house while I was at the store and he went outside to smoke. She's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Mr.MooMoo - 19/04/2016 22:54 - United States - Newport Beach

Today, I asked a guy 4 or 5 times to stop smoking outside my office because his smoke was bothering my clients. I went to teach him a lesson and attempted to fart next to him. Yes, I was successful in farting but I also shit on myself... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Store mishap - 19/04/2016 22:31 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to the store. on my way out I noticed an elderly women struggling to carry her groceries. I walk up to try helping and she proceeded to pepper spray me and call me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ihatekairi - 19/04/2016 22:18 - United States - Mahomet

Today, my father told me to, "Get off my fat, lazy ass and get a job." I have a job and he knows it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By MyssTryss - 19/04/2016 21:44 - United States - Excelsior Springs

Today, while playing with my daughter on the floor, she decided that it would be a good idea to not only take a dump, but pull her diaper off to do so on the floor. I work in 20 minutes and have a 15 minute drive to work. I'm either going to be late, or have it crusted to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ilanie04 - 19/04/2016 21:35 - United States - Nashville

Today, there were many elementary children on the bus. After not feeling good about my appearance through the day, it was my stop, I got two compliments from two elementaty boys. Telling me,"You're pretty." Smiling, I got off I was then told that they were payed, as a dare, to compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hales90 - 19/04/2016 21:33 - United States - Chicago

Today, my company tried to wire two different accounts half a million. One wire didn't work, so I sent the wire info to our accountant to try again. I accidentally sent the wrong account info. One person received double the money. When explained, he said "I'm rich now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 21:19 - United States - Austin

Today, after receiving reassurance from my boss weeks ago that one of our freelancers who never meets deadlines, is always absent, and rarely answers her emails would pursue a career elsewhere, I was told that she was hired full time...as one of our directors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 19/04/2016 21:12 - United States

Today, I was in a unisex bathroom blowing paint off the walls, as soon as I stand up to flush I slip catching myself with half of my arm in the toilet bowl full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 21:03 - United States - Knoxville

Was in a meeting with my boss and his boss. Really had to fart but couldn't leave the meeting. Luckily it was silent and didn't seem to smell. I thought I was in the clear. Then I realized I had shit my pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 20:45 - United States - Nashville

Today, I got bored at work and decided to go on reddit on my work comp. I was browsing popular and had looked at a couple NSFW pics a few being BDSM related. When my boss came by my office door asking for my number saying "I could be your master". I forgot he had access to office screen viewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 26

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The Top

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 842

You deserved it 2 818

Today, I ended up missing all my Zoom classes because I had the audacity to stay up all night and build an epic Minecraft fortress. And then I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 2 418

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 815

You deserved it 3 170

Today, my wife and I were born on the same day, married on our birthday date. Today is our birthday and anniversary, and today we are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 054

You deserved it 1 634

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 130

Today, I was watching The Ring on TV in the early morning. When the scene where the girl is crawling out of the TV came on, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 8 484