Nearly FML

By noplacelikehome - 15/05/2016 14:54 - United States - Elmira

Today, while I was dogsitting my bf got mad and slammed me into a closet door repeatedly then threw me to the bed and continued to slap me. Then he called his mom to come pick up her dog and drop me off "wherever" she came quickly, grabbed her dog and left me. The nearest town is 20 miles. FML

agreeclassic 638

vote type 1 70

By randomuserlolol - 15/05/2016 14:07 - United States - Newark

Today, my barber had the hiccups. It didnt end well. FML

agreeclassic 479

vote type 1 47

By clairelouisax - 15/05/2016 12:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm losing my voice and can barely speak at an audible tone. Today is also the day I'm trying to have a serious chat with my manager about my upcoming promotion. He can't stop laughing. FML

agreeclassic 549

vote type 1 57

By SirHarryTaylor - 15/05/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom - Abingdon

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

agreeclassic 463

vote type 1 39

By pureNed - 15/05/2016 11:23 - United States - Fredericktown

Today, I got home from a day out with my friends and got into bed to relax. My good feeling was quickly destroyed when my girlfriend started making threats to delete all my friends on Facebook and proceeded to have a go at me for several hours. FML

agreeclassic 337

vote type 1 43

By xxsakuraxx - 15/05/2016 09:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that the only time my cat purrs and gives me affection is when I'm on the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 322

vote type 1 46

By amanda - 15/05/2016 09:44 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that my best friend is planning to go to prom with my ex.. I'm 99% sure they're secretly dating. I, on the other hand, am dateless and groupless. If anyone needs a dress, I have a $400 one that I naively bought, thinking I'd be wearing it with my best friend at my side. FML

agreeclassic 331

vote type 1 24

By LuciiferSiche - 15/05/2016 09:23 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my twin brother brought me a cat. What I didn't know was that he stole it from his best friend, who hates my guts... and who is coming over in a couple of hours. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 16

By Awkward_penguin - 15/05/2016 07:10 - United States - Bryan

Today, I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed and came across a picture of an attractive girl in a new dress. My first thought was "damn she's hot.." A split-second later, I look up at the name to see who it is.. And to my horror, I realized she was my cousin. FML

agreeclassic 306

vote type 1 71

By my stomach hurts - 15/05/2016 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

My sister's boyfriend decided to cook dinner for our family tonight by following a chicken curry recipe he found online. He mistook coconut oil for coconut milk and now my stomach feels like it's committing suicide. FML

agreeclassic 295

vote type 1 20

By DiamondAddict - 15/05/2016 05:55 - United States - Idaho Falls

Today, I was driving with my mom. On our way, a car full of beautiful young men pulled up beside the car on my side. They were whistling and smiling. I waved and smiled back..until I realized they were staring directly at my mom...I'm single, she's 45 and married.. FML

agreeclassic 265

vote type 1 26

By anonymous - 15/05/2016 05:38 - United States - Knoxville

Today, people at my wedding rehearsal were taking notice I wasn't drinking alcohol, so my soon- to- be husband got on the microphone and announced I was an alcoholic. No, I'm not. Just pregnant, and we both have very religious parents. FML

agreeclassic 257

vote type 1 26

By Mandykins - 15/05/2016 05:33

Today I googled, "How to make friends." I moved to a new state 4 years ago and it's just now starting to bother me I have a non existent social life. FML

agreeclassic 191

vote type 1 22

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 05:31 - United States - South Point

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me by sleeping with my cousin, who happens to also be his brothers girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 194

vote type 1 16

By xxxhball96xyz - 15/05/2016 05:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was asked by a high school student if I was in sixth grade. I just finished up my sophomore year of college and was volunteering at my old high school. The kicker was she didn't believe me when I told her I was halfway done with college. None of them take me seriously now. FML

agreeclassic 186

vote type 1 23

By Trey7876 - 15/05/2016 05:12 - United States - Arvada

Today, I had a wonderful dinner at Boston market. My dad reminded me to wash my hands before I left, since I had ribs. I had a drum lesson afterward, and when I walked in, my teacher said "so you had ribs today?" I looked down and there was a giant splotch of barbeque sauce on my shirt. FML

agreeclassic 150

vote type 1 29

By lostinthewoods - 15/05/2016 05:04 - United States - Jersey City

Today, after getting crutches my friend thought it would be funny to push me. I have a cracked tooth and already broken leg is damaged even more. I need new friends. FML

agreeclassic 186

vote type 1 9

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 04:52 - United States - Austin

Today, I wanted to show my boyfriend picture from a banquet. So I went on google drive only to see his is full of other girls nudes and he just joked how girls from his school love to send them to him. FML

agreeclassic 181

vote type 1 17

By drowningslowly - 15/05/2016 04:47 - Canada - Welland

Today, I went to the clinic expecting to be told my symptoms were a bad reaction to my new birth control. I walked out diagnosed with pneumonia. FML

agreeclassic 139

vote type 1 14

By simplybadass - 15/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Clinton

Today, I graduated I'm very concerned about paying for nursing school and am currently working my ass off. My serious boyfriend decided now would be the right time in our lives to quit his job because "they weren't being fair to him". Suppose to get married in 2 months. Not anymore. FML

agreeclassic 141

vote type 1 4

By FML - 15/05/2016 04:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally helped my crush build enough courage to ask her crush out....he said yes. FML.

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 18

By anonymous - 15/05/2016 04:18

Today, I got fired for sleeping in my car on my lunch break and clocking in late 5 minutes. All while a different departments supervisor took pictures before waking me up and showing everyone at work. My coworkers have now made memes with those pictures and posted them to Facebook. FML

agreeclassic 137

vote type 1 21

By No Vacation - 15/05/2016 04:02 - United States - Dodge City

Today, my boss informed me that after approving my cruise vacation, three months ago, she can no longer approve my time because of "staffing issues". The cruise is three months away and already paid for. FML

agreeclassic 104

vote type 1 9

By ty7in_topic - 15/05/2016 03:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, for the third time I've been in a relationship where a girl cheated on me with a guy in his 30s. We're in highschool in our teens. FML

agreeclassic 148

vote type 1 7

By NOIP234 - 15/05/2016 03:22 - United Kingdom - Ware

Today my mum came up to me, said 'it's time' and signalled for me to follow her into the garden. She then proceeded to start scattering ashes around the place. Ashes that belonged to MY cat, that had died a few days previously, and she had forgot she hadn't told me. FML

agreeclassic 133

vote type 1 7

By KreAtor_O - 15/05/2016 03:01 - United States - Layton

Today, I went in for opening shift at Taco Bell. The manager hadn't woken up, so I had to open the store alone. How did I open the door you ask? By yanking on the rope the night shift crew 'thought' kept it closed. FML

agreeclassic 115

vote type 1 11

By money can't buy love but... - 15/05/2016 02:53 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I got home to my apartment being robbed. When I called my girlfriend to tell her what happened, she broke up with me because she can't date someone who can't buy her jewelry. FML

agreeclassic 142

vote type 1 10

By ashleyt - 15/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Houston

Today, my new boyfriend came 10 seconds into a hand-job. Shortly after that he also added that he was glad he could last so long for me. FML

agreeclassic 149

vote type 1 14

By AK - 15/05/2016 02:41 - Switzerland - Kaiseraugst

Today, I finally connected with someone on tinder. Everything was going great until she tried to scam me for 2,500 francs. FML

agreeclassic 107

vote type 1 7

By PaulaMaureena - 15/05/2016 02:39 - United States - Oakdale

Today, even though I am twenty one I still get yelled at to go to class and stop messing around at a elementary school I work at. By the same teachers and principles that taught me when I went there. FML

agreeclassic 120

vote type 1 13

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Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard, "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

agreeclassic 50 926

vote type 1 2 824

Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML

agreeclassic 147

vote type 1 879

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

agreeclassic 11 080

vote type 1 73 878

Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML

agreeclassic 915

vote type 1 69

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

agreeclassic 97 790

vote type 1 8 010

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

agreeclassic 27 000

vote type 1 1 784