Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/05/2016 16:25 - Malaysia - Broga

Today, I realized that the only guys who hit on me are creeps, horny-24/7-assholes, compulsive liars with a Messiah complex, and scammers. Meanwhile, all the nice guys I know believe that a "nice girl" like me is already taken, despite my protests that I'm not. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 17

By Div - 17/05/2016 15:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in class, I accidentally dragged the side of my shoe across the floor, making an extremely loud farting noise and making everyone turn around and stare. The best thing I could think to say was "Damn, that sounded weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 13

By Jeffmagma - 17/05/2016 14:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother tried to wake me up by suffocating me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 63

By The Ugly Sibling - 17/05/2016 13:45 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the mall with my brother. He just came home from college for summer break; I haven't seen him in ages so it was really nice. That was until I ran into a younger friend who later texted me; "Who was the hot guy with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 68

By daidax_238 - 17/05/2016 13:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, I got a boner after hearing that I was going to see the new captain America movie with my friend. My friend is a guy. I'm a guy. I'm 100% straight. I got a boner from thinking about a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 57

By thanks_mom - 17/05/2016 13:38 - United States - Houston

Today, it was my birthday. My mom gave me a jean jacket, which didn't fit me. That's okay though, it fit her, and it was her favorite brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 3

By JustThatPerson - 17/05/2016 13:33 - Netherlands - Asten

Today, someone thought it would be a great idea to try and stab me, for touching his balloon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 26

By chuckmaddah - 17/05/2016 13:33 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, my little brother broke my first pair of good quality expensive earphones. I had them for a year and the warranty had just ran out 9 days ago. He refuses to pay for it because "they were going to break eventually". Fml

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 23

By MsDavis95 - 17/05/2016 13:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my boyfriend has pictures of my little sister saved on his phone. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 26

By Fletch - 17/05/2016 13:04 - United States - Loganville

Today, my 4 year old son was listening to Tool on the radio with me on his way to his Christian preschool. When he ran into class, he very loudly told the teacher he loved 'the name of the song'. That song? Prison Sex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 39

By nosummerjob - 17/05/2016 12:43 - United States - New York

Today, I got my first summer job at a sleep away camp. I talked to a couple of friends that got hired for the same position and they told me they were getting paid more than $200 more than me a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 22

By SevieCookie - 17/05/2016 12:41 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the two questions in my exam that I could answer confidently were in the "Either/Or" section of the question paper, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 17/05/2016 12:26

Today, there is a creepy maintenance guy where I work that keeps asking for my number and I keep refusing to give it to him and my boss made me text him to remind him to bring something to work. He now has my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 19

By anon_ - 17/05/2016 11:45 - Australia

Today, I started hitting on a girl on Snapchat. Just as we finished our conversation, I accidentally made a screenshot of the conversation and it appeared in chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 27

By RainCl0ud - 17/05/2016 11:28 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I had to make the shitty choice between facing the giant moth in my bathroom, or exploding in my pants. The moth won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 34

By keldarington - 17/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Clarksville

Today, i decided to start compiling a setlist for a festival ill be playing in June. Once i got everything set up and ready, I hit the power button and nothing happened. I now have two weeks to get a new laptop and get a set ready for the biggest gig in my life. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 12

By Phycheledic - 17/05/2016 11:06 - United States

Today, my teacher came to my house to tell my mom that I haven't come to school for 2 months. I graduated two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 7

By The_Waffle - 17/05/2016 10:51 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently my feet are to ugly and he doesn't want our children to have ugly feet too. I can't even have children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 14

By wtfislifeanymore - 17/05/2016 10:47 - United States

Today, I was moving with my mom, we had to clean out a chest she got from her grandfather about a year ago. in the bottom of the chest, there was a vibrator, 2 used condoms, a dildo, 2 tubes of used lube, and a flashlight. my mom is single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 11

By Cuck - 17/05/2016 09:54 - Serbia

Today, I went to the club, found this hot girl, bought her a few drinks and we danced, after a while we got in my car and I drove her to my home, we took off our clothes and she put her strap-on that was in her purse at that point I knew I fucked up, but to make it even worse my mother came in..FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 7

By www.FML.com - 17/05/2016 09:54 - Australia

Today, I overhead a group of students talking about how they want to bang there mom. My son was one of them....FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 7

By Kimtron - 17/05/2016 09:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today I went to a new Doctor to get some birth control and discovered he was a sexy man I had been chatting with on tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 13

By JenPanda - 17/05/2016 09:16 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, after 18 months of pure stress from financial issues, immigrating, learning the new language and culture, I finally landed a job. As it turns out, 18 months of intense, non stop stress wreaks havoc on your immune system and I'm in bed sick as a dog on what would be my 3rd day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 8

By Saddutchguy - 17/05/2016 09:02 - Netherlands - Leusden

Today, my girlfriend told me out of nowhere she doubts her feelings about us. We just booked a vacation last week and had a bridal themed photoshoot. She still posts pictures of us on Facebook and I don't know what to do. I am broken as we were talking about moving in together and having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 7

By naaazlii - 17/05/2016 08:58 - Singapore

Today, I was told that I'm not eligible for the job I've been applying to for weeks. I turned down several job offers because I was told that I was most likely getting said job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 17/05/2016 07:10 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I won the $250 grocery gift card from monopoly I went to turn it in I was a day late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 42

By kissingkayem - 17/05/2016 05:38 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my boyfriend went on a real big rave about planning a trip to the mountains this winter. I got on board with excitement and I asked who he plans on going with and he told me "just myself". FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 22

By flamingicequeen - 17/05/2016 04:52 - United States - Milton

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed on my hip, instead of being concerned about my well being my boyfriend proceeded to scold me for screaming as i fell. He then watched me limp into the apartment and said i was being a drama queen. My hip is almost black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 34

By liebe123110 - 17/05/2016 04:27 - United States - Anchorage

Today, for the ninth day in a row, I was woken up quite early by the neighbor's obnoxious dog barking at nothing. Constantly. For two hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 33

By demideity - 17/05/2016 04:09 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I went to the park with my family. While feeding a squirrel, my cousin approached. Long story short, I now need surgery on my finger or I may never be able to move it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 32

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 049

You deserved it 11 687

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 58 413

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 451

You deserved it 3 350

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 155

Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 9 912

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 183