Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 13/05/2016 22:31 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I helped a patient get washed and dressed after having both of her legs amputated. I would then be helping her into her new wheelchair. Without thinking I asked her if she had any slippers... FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 8

By JustNo - 13/05/2016 22:23

Today, I realized I'm still just my boyfriends ex's replacement. But not as good. He told me to stop doing a special quirk his ex used to after we've dated for 4 years. From her facebook posts she likes and acts kind of like me. After 4 years, I don't know if its still worth it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By ifrickinhateskeletonsandtheirstupidabilitytohideincaves - 13/05/2016 22:17 - United States

Today, I was playing a game and got so scared, I peed myself. No, it wasn't a horror game, it was Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 9

By only in a game - 13/05/2016 22:11 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, my son called me incredible. Then I realized he was talking to his video game me. I hit a three run home run. He turn and said, "oh you thought I was talking to the real you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By sylverstar - 13/05/2016 22:02 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend told me he still loves his ex. I was just about to propose, FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By HeyPeople13 - 13/05/2016 22:01 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my group had a project due and I submitted my part of it last week, but apparently it didn't get submitted. I guess my WiFi was poor. No one made contact with me to tell me that. Now it's my fault it wasn't finished. One friend started crying. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 10

By dwaitley24 - 13/05/2016 21:59 - United States - Hinsdale

Today, I was in school and I felt really sick and I asked my teacher to go to the nurse. Right as she calls for the nurse I can't hold myself up anymore and collapse. The rest of the class evacuated the room while my crush was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 5

By flake - 13/05/2016 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to get my hair done. All went well until they dried it causing my severe dandruff to come in for a grand finale. It literally looks like I've been snowed on. No, nothing helps it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By KyoshiroT - 13/05/2016 21:46 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, bad luck struck. My work was out of lunch when I went to get it, my bag of chips got stuck in a vending machine, my computer broke down, and my car needs its brakes changed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By Jobless - 13/05/2016 21:35 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my contract ended. In my initial interview, they said their budget changed and now it wasn't an 8-month position, it was 4-months. Hired, they swore up and down they'd fight on my behalf for the second 4-months. They got it. They made me re-apply and compete. They choose someone else.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 3

By CaylaMack - 13/05/2016 21:34 - United States - South Jordan

Today, I met a really nice guy online. We have lots in common and really hit it off. He then told me "I can tell by your picture that you are a thick girl, I just want you to know that I like that!" well thanks, love being called thick! FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 12

By audioquest - 13/05/2016 21:28

Today I was walking with my girlfriend and saw the most recent GM electric Volt. I immediately stated how incomprehensible it was for such a big company to make such an ugly car. A couple walks by hearing everything I said and unlocks the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 7

By anonymous - 13/05/2016 21:25 - United States - Manchester

Today, on a blind date, it was going perfectly until the man I was on a date with told me he was a "vampire cannibal" who would like to take me to his house and bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By onlydatedforayear - 13/05/2016 21:12 - United States - Anchorage

today, I "cheated on my girlfriend." let me explain before you press that button. I was out walking with my girlfriend when a (very wasted version) of my best friend came up to me. all she said was "the baby is yours" then kissed me. I now dont have a girlfriend, my best friend laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 7

By JustATeenageMess - 13/05/2016 20:55 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I have 2 days of detention for wearing an inappropriate shirt. What was on it? Darth Vader, apparently the light saber violated the 'No Tolerance Policy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By kencs1721 - 13/05/2016 20:51 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my parents decided to ground me for being bisexual. NOT for the fact that I went to jail... FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

By satan's-spawn - 13/05/2016 20:35 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I jumped over a wall and seemed to break my foot. My parents knew I had a presentation that I haven't done today and now think I'm putting it on. There refusing to take me to the hospital for 4 days. I can't walk FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 8

By sadunicorn - 13/05/2016 20:19 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, my friend asked me if I am polish, when I said yes they asked me if I live in the north pole. They were serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 13/05/2016 19:58 - United States - Livonia

Today, and for the past couple of days, my family have been seeing small ants around the house, thanks to the rain. The ants are one thing, but the quarter-sized spiders, I see each day now, are a whole other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 54

By Anon - 13/05/2016 19:22 - Canada - Ajax

Today, my sister threw a used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 37

By UnluckyAmber - 13/05/2016 18:11 - United States - Miami

Today, for the first time in probably ever a guy approached me. It turned out I just had stain on my pants and he was just saying it looked like I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 31

By golightlee - 13/05/2016 18:06 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, on one of the hottest days of the year so far in the UK, I discovered that milk had been spilt in the boot of my car and gone off. It had heated up a treat whilst baking in the hot sun in the car park whilst I was at work, FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 47

By HelloGoodBye230 - 13/05/2016 18:04 - United States - Gibson

Today, at school I took my final state placement exam with my $150 calculator. Today also happened to be the day seniors pelt underclassmen during said test ruining both my calculator and my clothes leaving me drenching wet. Not even a "sorry" or any chance of a decent score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 36

By Dune1988 - 13/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Nashville

Today, I'm in dire need of a job. Applied at UPS and got hired. Problem was I mistook the phone call for another company. I got fired in the same phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 47

By wendyfail - 13/05/2016 17:39 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I snuck down to the lobby of my building to get some coffee in my pajamas, without brushing my hair or teeth, thinking I wouldn't run into anyone. No. Who did I see? 1. The hot pro basketball player who just moved in. 2. Another dude I've been trying to meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 55

By dickballsbutt - 13/05/2016 17:26 - United States

Today, I was pantsed while wearing basketball shorts. I was going commando. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 74

By Phycheledic - 13/05/2016 17:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting all day to get some cookies-n-cream ice cream, so when I finally got it a seagull flew down and took the ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 32

By tasha1478 - 13/05/2016 17:06 - United States - Middleton

Today, my mom stole my phone again to take pictures and send them to her long distance boyfriend. When I finally got my phone back.. there was a naked picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 25

By anonymous - 13/05/2016 17:06 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today my grandmother started a heated argument with me about me eating too many lemons. This is the only lemon I've had in about 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 15

By Trey7876 - 13/05/2016 17:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was sitting at my garage sale, and was getting bored. So I decided to try to ride my unicycle. after five minutes, I was sitting there sweating (I am very out of shape) and I decided to give it one more try. As I got on, my unicycle rolled forward into the ladder and crushed my testicles. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 20

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 211

You deserved it 7 994

Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 482

You deserved it 1 236

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 769

You deserved it 2 511

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 134

You deserved it 2 276

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 953

You deserved it 30 176

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 436

You deserved it 4 048