Nearly FMLs

By zippocobalt6 - 15/05/2016 02:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I had a coughing fit that was so harsh it forced the pee out of me. I wet myself in front of my best friend and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 13

By whaaa - 15/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was denied a job at Taco Bell because I "was not Taco Bell material." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 13

By koseguer - 15/05/2016 02:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise visit my mom and family. Her surprise gift to me was some Mexican fruit bowl from a restaurant down the road. I had food poisoning for 2 days after that... FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 7

By Wtf - 15/05/2016 02:00 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was rejected without asking anyone out. How? I asked a girl for her number since we were working on a project together and she replied with "Sorry, you aren't really my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 14

By BFF - 15/05/2016 01:58 - Australia - Perth

Today, the last few months my best friend's boyfriend has been under the ideation that I'm turning my her in to a lesbian. She's been my best friend for 16 years and she's pregnant with his baby, also I'm not gay. He won't let me see her at all and is refusing to let her make me the godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 14

By 5sospenguin - 15/05/2016 01:52 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my boyfriend's family mocked me to tears over me being mixed and having a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 14

By Torito_Dorito - 15/05/2016 01:14 - United States

Today, while stopping at a gas station my mother left her car door open before going inside. I rolled down the window and shouted, "Hopefully I don't get kidnapped!" She replied with, "Don't worry, they'd bring you back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 27

By lackingbrains - 15/05/2016 00:58 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I walked to the store to buy some groceries. As I was walking back home an SUV passed by me, and, from the passenger side window, a piece of trash was thrown out. Five seconds later, I learned that the trash was a diaper full of poop. It landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 12

By ER1C - 14/05/2016 23:49 - Canada

Today, As I was walking my dog around the block, my pants ripped right on the back. I had to run home holding a chihuahua on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 7

By Friendless - 14/05/2016 23:41 - United States - Orlando

Today, after asking my friends if they want to hang out, they said they were busy. Guess who I saw on snapchat hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 10

By thanksobama - 14/05/2016 23:38 - United States - Apo

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years texted me saying "Mom, I got Shailene pregnant." I'm not Shailene and his mother and I share the same first name. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 8

By CharlieJames - 14/05/2016 23:11 - United States - Riverview

Today, my boyfriend & I got into a huge fight & I told him to leave for a few days. As soon as the front door slammed I remembered that I just had knee surgery & still can't walk & that my sis who lives with us is going out of town. Currently rationing almonds & water while weighing my pride. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 22

By reasonbleadult - 14/05/2016 22:58 - United States - Cleveland

Today, until I move out, instead of getting respect for things I pay for in a house I pay rent, I have to label everything that's mine so people don't eat my food. I live on food stamps and barely make minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 16

By stillsingle - 14/05/2016 22:12 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I've been seeing the most caring, funny, gorgeous, loving man I've ever met and we're very happy. After being single for 2 years it's been great to know what falling in love feels like again. Then I woke up and realised the entire relationship was just an incredibly vivid dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 12

By C00k13monster - 14/05/2016 21:55 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, while at work a customer purchased a bbq, as we began loading it into his truck he decided that needed to move something, this resulted in him letting go of his end making me fall forwards dropping the bbq on my foot, while simultaneously hitting my face on the tail gate, FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 8

By idefka - 14/05/2016 21:27 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. She saw one of her old friends and made plans that didn't include dropping me off. I had to walk three miles in the pouring rain to get home in time to turn in an important essay online. I missed the deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 13

By An Apparently Invisible Man - 14/05/2016 21:02 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I asked a girl out for coffee. She politely declined then a few minutes later she reported me to security as an intruder in the building. SHE HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS. Not only have we been classmates for 2 years we were partners on a week long project barely 2 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

By really...omg - 14/05/2016 20:15 - United States - Cypress

Today, I had to explain to my 19 year old boyfriend that cats don't come from another planet, just because the ancient Egyptians worshiped them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 8

By RebelDiaries - 14/05/2016 20:15 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, apparently I was so good in bed that my significant other questioned if I was sleeping with other people. He even asked me this when he took my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Salerno - 14/05/2016 20:04 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, after my girlfriend broke up with me because "her dad didn't want us dating", I found out that the real reason was she left me for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By noimpressing - 14/05/2016 19:55 - United States - Mountain View

Today, after getting an almost perfect score on the SAT and keeping my grades to all A's, my dad still yelled at me, saying I was going to fail in life if I didn't get better grades. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 18:57

Today, deciding to be a little frisky, my fiancé was teasing me before I had to go to work, that would have been fine if he hadn't been eating spicy chips before hand and had all the flavoring on his fingers. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 8

By Life is not fair - 14/05/2016 18:34 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I went to a pub with my dad. Two hours later he was leaving in a taxi with two attractive ladies, both of them half his age. I drove home where I live alone with no wife or girlfriend, planning on watching my favorite porno and going to bed early. The internet in my house is down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

By unfairfolk - 14/05/2016 18:26 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, somebody, thinking I was a gay man, called me a "fucking fairy". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 18:17 - United States - Houston

Today I pooped in a public bathroom and turned around to grab toilet paper and realized there wasn't any, so instead I used a crap ton of seat covers, it's all fun and games until your butthole bleeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 3

By retrogradeforreal - 14/05/2016 18:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm laying in bed, nursing a hemmorhoid, yeast infection, constipation, and a stomach condition. The kicker? It's graduation weekend, and I've been too sick to participate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By pain - 14/05/2016 18:12 - United States

Today, I have a pinched nerve in my foot which makes it painful to walk more than five steps at a time. Today is also the day my work had a freak fire alarm malfunction requiring everyone to evacuate and walk half a mile out to a nearby field. I had to crawl back to my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 3

By LifehasLemons - 14/05/2016 18:08 - United States - Reno

Today, my dog is perfectly trained not to steal my food, even when I leave the room. My cat, however, is more than willing to take off with a full bag of chips. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 34

By mylife - 14/05/2016 17:57 - United States - Mentor

Today I woke up to the guy I left the bar with lastnight pissing on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 19

By Deenda - 14/05/2016 17:41 - United States

Today I found out two of my best friends were in a relationship. Too bad one of them is my wife and I was telling the other how bad I screwed things up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 12

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The Top

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 827

You deserved it 3 517

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 498

You deserved it 12 284

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 414

You deserved it 6 268

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 303

You deserved it 8 611

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 575

Today, the old lady I've been taking care of and running errands for died. She hadn't paid me yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 584

You deserved it 47 289