Nearly FMLs

By I got sick - 14/05/2016 02:52 - United States - Irvine

Today, despite trying to enjoy my food the way I want to, my mother kept telling me I ate too slow, then proceeded to tell me I ate too fast. Parenting 101 right here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 11

By smol - 14/05/2016 02:49 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my sister measured herself against me. she's already reaching my shoulder, which wouldn't be a problem if she wasnt 6, and I 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 02:49 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I realized I have too many commitment issues to even commit to watching an entire season of a TV, much less commit to a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 12

By happyfoot17 - 14/05/2016 02:43 - United States - Neenah

Today, I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place when I realized that because my boss gave me an extended vacation I am now his bitch. I also can't quit because one of our seven long term employees just quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 9

By HBND - 14/05/2016 02:30 - United States - Austin

Today, my girlfriend told me the only reason she is dating me is because I look like her crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

By HylianBadger - 14/05/2016 02:30 - United States

Today, I've decided to cut my birth mother entirely from my life because she has had nothing but negative influences in my life. Everyone who knew her told me that I had made the right choice. Now they are all saying that I'm a cold, heartless bitch because she has threatened to commit suicide. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 11

By hahaokok - 14/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Watertown

Today, my best friends boyfriend was jealous of how close we are and told her that she can't talk to me anymore. She listened to him, FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 12

By Ihatemylife6789 - 14/05/2016 02:13 - United States - Granbury

Today, at school I was in the schools lab alone with a friend when I found a cell phone. Thinking someone had lost it, I checked to see if I could identify the owner with the pictures. I found my science teachers nudes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 9

By HylianBadger - 14/05/2016 02:06 - United States

Today, as my mom and I were shopping around town I started feeling pretty nauseated, so we caught the train leading home. As it took off, I let out a large burp and felt instant relief. Turns out it was trapped gas. She spent the rest of the ride complaining that we could have been out longer. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 8

By EmilyxLANY - 14/05/2016 01:22 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I was at the shop. I had a song stuck in my head where it says, "Break your legs." I began to sing it and right when I said "Break your legs" a girl in wheelchair passed right by me and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 11

By Smash - 14/05/2016 01:14 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got back from a wonderful vacation that was a gift for graduating university. Not only was I seriously ill 5/7 of the days, I just went to the doctor to discover I've been fighting off fever, strep throat and a double ear infection. This was supposed to be the trip of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 26

By CRricker - 14/05/2016 00:56 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was at a school carnival. I was chaperoning my little sister to the petting zoo. We payed 2 tickets to get in and one of the goats started staring at me. I tried to look away, but somehow ticked it off. It then proceeded to eat my favorite shirt and then hack it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 17

By rbubbles - 14/05/2016 00:45 - Australia

Today, it's been a year and a half since I got married and my mother in law still hasn't stepped foot in my house. She lives 2 streets away. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 19

By MoosieBoy - 14/05/2016 00:41 - United States - Kingsport

Today, At school I was kissing my girlfriend between periods. Everything was going fine until I felt a hand on my shoulder following someone saying "come with me". It was the principal and I go to a catholic school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 42

By b&w - 14/05/2016 00:16 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got stung by a bee. Twenty minutes later, I got stung by a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 23

By Dos - 14/05/2016 00:16 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went for a walk early in the morning before I had to go to a wedding. I got home to get ready only to realise I locked the door and left my keys inside. My housemates don't get home until tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 15

By BlackPhoenixNite - 13/05/2016 23:56 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I didn't believe in the superstitions behind Friday the 13th until one of the residents in the nursing I work at took off her diaper and put it on the coffee making station. Guess who had to clean it up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 13

By vw probs - 13/05/2016 23:39 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I went to start a checking account. My car died while I was driving and I had to push it into a spot. The repairs cost just about as much as I put in for my deposit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 10

By Chubby Tubby Toby - 13/05/2016 23:37 - United States - Houston

Today, my 3 year old asked me to hold him. As I picked him up, I jokingly said "You're getting so heavy you're gonna make my arm fall off!" just as I do every time I pick him up. I then turned around to see a very offended amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 16

By TimothyNo - 13/05/2016 23:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, after months of being perplexed how my boyfriend could live so unhealthily and still stay thin, I finally found out his secret: tapeworms. It's name is Timothy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By help_me_plz - 13/05/2016 23:25 - United States - Portland

Today, I left a dirty dish at my spot at the dining room table. When my mom's boyfriend came home, he freaked out and told me I'd be sleeping on the floor of the kitchen for the next two nights. We have a sugar ant infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 18

By Annoyed - 13/05/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cousins came into town to celebrate a birthday. All of my siblings were invited to come out and celebrate, while I stayed home and watch a movie alone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By PrincessKenny - 13/05/2016 23:18 - United States - Roseville

Today, I went to school for my last day of class to take a test that would determine whether or not I pass. As soon as I sit down to take it I see that my teacher decided to bring his dog today. I ended up leaving my class crying. My dog died while I was in class yesterday. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By wellthatfailed12 - 13/05/2016 23:18 - United States - Lowell

Today, my upstairs neighbor's brother moved back in. My roommate and I are unable to afford blinds for our living room and everytime he walks by our apartment he just stares. Now I feel like I'm always being watched... FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 11

By xdzy - 13/05/2016 23:17 - United States - Anchorage

Today, It's Friday the thirteenth. I woke up to the sound of my closet door creeping open. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 9

By phone crack - 13/05/2016 23:10 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my phone that survived a a fall off a balcony three stories up without a scratch onto concrete, cracked when I dropped it 3 feet from the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 9

By azrunners - 13/05/2016 23:10 - United States - Indianapolis

Today i was told by my interviewer i didnt have enough personality for this job. This job is pushing people in wheel chairs at the airport fml

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By SJWatson - 13/05/2016 22:53 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I bought a lottery ticket. I got random numbers rather than picking my own and decided to chance my luck at a big payout. I checked my numbers later on the same day and I didn't win.... However if I had the same numbers last week I would have been a multi millionaire.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By Silvertide - 13/05/2016 22:44 - United States - Allentown

Today I was running across the room and I stepped on a blanket on the floor and slipped, ramming my knee into the wall so hard the skin peeled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 8

By Annoymous420 - 13/05/2016 22:32 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I work as a salesmen and went on a sales call it was a 3 hour and 30min drive. When I got there it just an old shack and no one was there.(I drive a truck) it cost almost 150 to get there and another 150 back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 7

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The Top

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 858

You deserved it 2 433

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 2 034

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 563

You deserved it 12 892

Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 349

You deserved it 409

Today, and since I graduated, I've realized how truly lonely I am. I haven't seen my one best friend in almost a year and I only leave the house to go to work. Not to mention I no longer enjoy things I used to love doing, making me even more sad and bored. Social anxiety and depression will do that to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 151

Today, my therapist said, "Y'know, Sarah, you would be a lot happier if you laid off the cocaine." I don't do cocaine. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 694

You deserved it 254