Nearly FMLs

By b - 13/05/2016 16:30 - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, I had terrible cramps so I stayed home. A few hours into the school day my friends text me pictures of a promposal with donuts and music.. They told me it was for me but since I wasn't there they all are the donuts and celebrated it without me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 18

By Hamson05 - 13/05/2016 16:13 - United States - San Francisco

I went to my sister's wedding. During the ceremony, I saw this handsome guy so I decided to flirt. I went up to him and told him I thought he was very handsome and that I would like to get to know more about him. He looked at me, smile and said "look how much you've grown, I'm your half brother".

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 18

By sleeping alone - 13/05/2016 16:07 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, my wife kicked me out of our room. To sleep in the hall. Because she didn,t want me to wake her with my alarm tomorrow morning. I work and she doesn't. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 8

By doglover1818 - 13/05/2016 15:45 - United States - Branford

Today, I saw a flying bug. I ran. I fell. Now I am in the hospital with a broken ankle and a swollen wrist. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 17

By Messedup - 13/05/2016 15:09 - United States - Cleveland

Today, it's been 20 days since I've last been employeed. I quit my old job for a new amazing one. My old job threatened to press charges if I continued my employement there so I was forced to resign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 14

By HistoryMajor - 13/05/2016 14:46 - Australia

Today, I just finished my major essay for my ancient history unit. It was a week late because I had to order in books to use as sources from another campus and then read all of them to find my references. The deadline was the exact minute that I finished. This is worth 30% of my grade. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 9

By ripepeaches - 13/05/2016 14:41

Today, my cat puked on the bed right as my boyfriend and I were falling asleep. He immediately gets up and starts fake gagging until I clean up the vomit and lay a towel over the bed. He suggested I change sheets and when I didn't he gave me back my apartment key and slept on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 13/05/2016 14:25 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I met with my new supervisor at Uni, he asked to see the current work I'm doing. He declared it very necessary but boring and decided I should start something entirely new. In 2 months my old supervisor comes back. He will expect the first project to be finished. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 6

By sadblufly - 13/05/2016 14:12 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I no longer have to pay to get my lip pierced because my roommates cat decided to do it for me. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By FastTurtle9 - 13/05/2016 14:11 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I realized that I'm so goddamn lazy that my body has trained itself to have to go to the bathroom when I start doing physical labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 36

By thonya - 13/05/2016 14:10 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went out driving with my ex to talk things over. We ended up finding a secluded place to fuck and did so on the hood of my car until the police came and turned on the floodlights of their car, asked what we were doing and then told us to have fun. We didn't continue after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 30

By FastTurtle9 - 13/05/2016 14:06 - United States - Kirkland

Today, my boss, who is my sister, called me into work on my day off so that I could cover her at the end of her shift. When I got there, she already had someone covering her, and I had driven 20 miles in a gas guzzler to turn around and leave again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By hoppla - 13/05/2016 14:04 - Germany - Berlin

Today, i needed to change my tampon on a public toilet. For whatever reason i managed to drop the new one. It fell directly into the toilet. And it was my last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 15

By AnnaMuffin - 13/05/2016 13:53 - Netherlands - Leiden

Today, I got bit by a dragonfly while trying to save it from my cat. Yes. They bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 15

By fuckno - 13/05/2016 13:43 - Germany - Roth

Today, i had my first day in a new class. i had to pick a place to sit and, trying to make connections, i decided not to sit at an empty table. instead i picked a random person and sat down next to them. this girl then decided to introduce herself by showing me pictures of her stillborn baby. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 9

By Angelrose2004 - 13/05/2016 13:37 - United States - Plainfield

Today, while working with my son on potty training, I mentioned going pee pee. As the words pee pee rolled off my tongue, I wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 23

By Best part of waking up - 13/05/2016 13:35 - United States - Spearfish

Today, I woke up early to check on my 5 year old as he was had multiple nightmares last night. Seeing he was ok I went to use the facilities only to step in a large puddle of urine. Guess he couldn't make it all the way to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 10

By anonymous - 13/05/2016 12:26 - Netherlands - Lisse

Today, I was watching porn on my phone in bed when all of a sudden a sneezing attack hit me. In wich I accidently started streaming the porn on the chromecast downstairs. where my parrents were sitting with out neighbours.FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 13

By Notamused - 13/05/2016 12:13 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I set three diffirent alarms to wake up for an exam I have to take. My bus comes at 6:28. I woke up at 6:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 17

By Celestia42080 - 13/05/2016 09:28 - United States - Plainfield

Today my brother "forgot" I was parked behind him in the driveway. He tore out of the garage and hit my car. He asked if I could give a smile, at least a little one. You hit my car. No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 45

By prdicek - 13/05/2016 08:38 - Czech Republic

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend. He however chose to "study" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 56

By now self conscious - 13/05/2016 03:08 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my sister's softball game I wanted a hamburger. My grandmother said to me, in front of my students, "Lay off the burgers, you're getting hefty." When I told her my weight is the same as it was when I saw her she pinched my arm and said, "Maybe you're getting shorter and wider." FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 30

By anonymous - 13/05/2016 03:04 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my grandmother came home from Myrtle Beach where she was for 6 months. The first thing she says to me? "Woo, you've put on some weight!" I've put on two pounds in a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 25

By boogerssuck - 13/05/2016 02:31 - United States - Terre Haute

Today, I was talking to my crush. He told me a joke, and I tried to make this cute snickering face while laughing. I laughed through my nose, and a booger flew out and landed on his neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 41

By MelHope37 - 13/05/2016 02:29 - United States - Sherman Oaks

Today, I got into an accident. In a rental car. That I was in because my car was being repaired after getting into an accident two days ago. Neither accident was my fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 13/05/2016 02:27 - Italy - Florence

Today I finally got some of my work on the front cover of a magazine. Inside the magazine credited my work to my ex boss... Who had bullied me out of my job at the end of last year... She's now getting all the praise even thought she didn't work for the company when I did the work FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 18

By J.C. - 13/05/2016 02:25 - United States - West Covina

Today, while I was at school my innocent crush asked me what a wet dream was. When trying to explain it in a decent way without it being awkward, she asked me if I've ever had one. My friend being the asshole he is said, "Yea, he thinks about you when he has them." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 13/05/2016 02:21 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today I ran into someone who I used to be extremely close with and had been best friends with for 16 years, she averted me in the store but I proceeded to try to talk to her and she cut me off and told me she had to go. I saw her still in the store messing around an hour later FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 13/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today while in martial arts class I blocked a punch with the same hand I had dropped a huge TV on last night damaging the tendon even more FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 48

By Surewhatever - 13/05/2016 01:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, l leaned my head against my boyfriend's shoulder while watching a movie. He shoved me away, saying I hurt his back and he doesn't like to be touched. He also says this when I try to kiss him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 16

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The Top

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 718

Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 490

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 191

You deserved it 8 228

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 768

You deserved it 2 801

Today, at 1:30 a.m., a big ass bat squeezed its nasty body through the bottom crack of the door. My sweet little Corgi cowered on the bed as the bat flew circles around my head. I'll be moving now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 244

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 1 440