Nearly FMLs

By truecountrybitch - 01/05/2017 09:00 - United States - Fond Du Lac

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for five weeks, he showed up unannounced in the middle of my twelve-hour shift. He was only able to stay a few hours, and I won't get to see him for another three weeks after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 521

By Icky - 30/04/2017 23:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, while working as a nursing assistant in a hospital, I had my gloved hands covered in unspeakable body fluids when I suddenly had to scratch an itch on my face. I was still wearing my gloves.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 37

By "Laureen Takeshita" - 01/05/2017 06:55

Today I had to tell 3 adults the toddler they were with was in a cart that could tip over easily so have a hand on it at all times. All 3 walked away from the cart less than 5 minutes later. I had to grab the cart. I'm not even a parent...FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 3

By themaninthesoontobeburneddownhouse - 01/05/2017 03:21

Today, I learned that my soon-to-be roommate lied about not having any pets and actually has five cats. Turns out, the landlord knew this, but kept a secret, because their going to try to make me, "change my mind about pets." I'm deathly allergic to fur and most of my furniture are imports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 4

By Snubbed - 01/05/2017 00:25

Today, an old friend posted a complaint on Facebook about our mutual friends' upcoming wedding. She was mad that she wasn't made a bridesmaid but that her ex-boyfriend was going to be a groomsman. I wasn't even invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 2

By bbkaz4lyfe - 30/04/2017 23:48

Today, my bra broke so badly that the wire came out of the right cup and stabbed my left boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 22:52

Today after being with my wife for 24 years and keeping my difficult teenage years secret for longer than that, I accidentally revealed a detail that led to me having to admit to my wife that I spent my teen years homeless or living in group homes. I don't know what she thinks of me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 11

By "inappropes" - 30/04/2017 21:42

Today, I received my penis pump I drunk ordered a month ago. Amazing thing for my roommate to recieve. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 21:38

Today, My wife and I, after years of saving and hating apartment life, moved into our new home. I was just informed my mother-in-law is moving in next month, indefinitely. Goodbye alone time and sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 2

By LyssaGirl - 30/04/2017 14:34 - United States - Saint Marys

Today, a few girls from a bridal party at my place of work decided to make coffee. This would be fine if they knew how to measure coffee, instead they flooded two industrial coffee makers. And all my counters. Idiots....FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 0

By Ignored - 30/04/2017 19:20

Today I have been seeing a guy for over a month, we talk everyday and meet up once a week. After seeing him yesterday he is now ignoring me, I have no clue what I have done. This happens every single time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 7

By "Breanna BaumGartner" - 30/04/2017 18:30

Today, I realized that I have been the side chick. How? I met his girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 4

By "Ava_Darkflame" - 30/04/2017 18:26

Today, my Asian teacher called me, a Mexican, a chink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 10:29 - United States

Today I went to the gym before work. I packed all my work cloths so I could just head straight to work (my job has a gym in the same building). After my workout I was getting dressed I realized I forgot my bra. I didn't have time to go back home so I had to work all day without a bra on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 15

By "unlucky_seven" - 30/04/2017 12:49

Today, my phone's headphone jacks, laptop headphone jacks, and my wireless headphones broke.In the course of one hour.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 12:04

Today, I drove 40 minutes into the city to DD for a friend of mine that was out partying. Ended up being hit on by her gay friend and having her dump water on me when I tried to get her home. She's currently passed out in the passenger seat with chicken fingers and hot sauce in her lap...FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By fucked over - 30/04/2017 09:10

Today, my girlfriend told me that she and her mom were going on a Eurotrip. She began to ask me "Would you like to..." I thought she was going to invite me, but instead she asked me to babysit her dogs for 8 days while she goes off and has fun. I wont even be able to hang out with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 14

By Haha-chew - 30/04/2017 00:58 - United States

Today while watching TV on the couch with my boyfriend, right as I raised a tissue to my face to sneeze my bf tickled my armpit so I smashed a snot filled tissue into my face... fml

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By spedicey2 - 30/04/2017 06:44

Today, I've gotten so used to having my friends prank me by telling me that 'there's a test tomorrow ', I ignored them when they truthfully reminded me of one last week. It's first thing tomorrow morning, 60% of our mark, and I haven't studied.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 74

By Blinky - 30/04/2017 04:24

Today one of the 4 year old boys I teach decided the previous week's activities of biting, kicking and punching me weren't enough. He threw the metal fork he was using to eat lunch at me, which hit me in the neck and drew blood. To top it off, my boss told me it was my fault.

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 0

By itsasign - 30/04/2017 03:16

Today, I assured my boyfriend I could do "safe" exercises using only my legs, since I hurt my arm yesterday. I pulled a muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 29/04/2017 20:51 - United States

my boyfriend and I were having sex we might have gotten kinda rough because somehow the leg of the bed went through the floor.... of his parents house.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 02:32

Today is my birthday. My birthday present? walking in on my boyfriend banging my mom. Happy Birthday to me.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 4

By grocerygirl - 30/04/2017 02:24

Today a man walks around the grocery store where I work talking to Lucifer for six hours, everytime he passed he glared at me and said she's onto us isn't she Lucifer. I fear for my life FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 30/04/2017 00:41

Today, while attempting to trim my pubes with scissors that were slightly too big for the job, I managed to accidentally cut off a large chunk of skin right next to my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 61

By TouchaToucheGetTheFOffMe - 30/04/2017 00:25

Today, during sex, I told my boyfriend to slap my ass harder. He then proceeded to miss my ass cheek and slap me hard, square on the vagina. We had to stop because it hurt so bad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 12

By waitwut - 29/04/2017 11:58 - United States - Austin

Today I came home from work early to find my roommates had thrown a party. My girlfriend decided to join in on the fun and found herself having fun with two frat guys in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 0

By blobbertthethird - 29/04/2017 12:05

Today, I put my shoes up on the counter so that my dog who loves to chew things couldn't get them. Turns out he's tall enough to reach the counter. There is now a big hole in the top of the right shoe. I have to wear these shoes for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 6

By when it rains, it pours. - 29/04/2017 07:49

I accidentally spilled my foundation. I was upset, but relieved it was only half the bottle. I went out, returned, and saw the foundation had actually splattered all over my new white dress I'm wearing to formal tomorrow. Yay.

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 8

By alabamaNative - 28/04/2017 23:47 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my girlfriend called me Matt during sex. My name is Michael. Matt is her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 8

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The Top

Today, it was my first day as a server at Olive Garden and a customer walked out without paying. It was the new manager's first day too, and he decided to write me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 106

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 2 400

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 117

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 116

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 212

You deserved it 3 380

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 600

You deserved it 1 637