Nearly FMLs

By blobbertthethird - 29/04/2017 12:05

Today, I put my shoes up on the counter so that my dog who loves to chew things couldn't get them. Turns out he's tall enough to reach the counter. There is now a big hole in the top of the right shoe. I have to wear these shoes for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 6

By when it rains, it pours. - 29/04/2017 07:49

I accidentally spilled my foundation. I was upset, but relieved it was only half the bottle. I went out, returned, and saw the foundation had actually splattered all over my new white dress I'm wearing to formal tomorrow. Yay.

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 8

By alabamaNative - 29/04/2017 06:47 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my girlfriend called me Matt during sex. My name is Michael. Matt is her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 8

By "jazzterchic" - 29/04/2017 06:31 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my best friends girlfriend told me about the problems in their relationship and about how she has a problem with his "girl best friend". She doesn't realize she's talking about me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 7

By worriedimdying - 29/04/2017 05:40

Today I found out it will be another two months before I can have the tests I need on my stomach pain. I'm in constant pain and can barely sleep. I'm exhausted and struggling, but can't take anything due being allergic to most pain medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 2

By leahkasscar - 29/04/2017 03:58

Today, i realized how emotional my period makes me, when I started to tear up because the Starbucks that I was in was out of brownies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 6

By Sky - 29/04/2017 01:02 - United States - Conway

Today I was lying in my hammock masturbating. It was fun, but when I came inside I realized I had forgotten that my mom had a student over to tutor and the window had a direct view of the hammock. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 23:45

Today, I reached the pinnacle of my loneliness when I figured out how to get cuddled by a pillow during a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 2

By Atim - 28/04/2017 21:40

I have been sober for 3 years. My roomate left a home drug test in my car. My girlfriend reached in my center console for the phone charger and the test landed in her lap. Now she thinks I've been lying to her for the last year and we broke up. I was so upset I started using again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 24

By "ExtremeMemeDream" - 28/04/2017 20:53

I was enjoying my day at the pool when my ankle slammed into the staircase used to get out there water. I shrug it off, and keep swimming. Five minutes pass, and my ankle is BURNING. I get out the pool to find a 1-inch deep cut in my ankle, gushing blood out. I got four stitches for that cut.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 12

By KaD - 28/04/2017 20:26 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I called Fedex about the pickup they never made yesterday. They not only had my street number wrong but the street name, which I spelled out for them. M-A-R-I-E. They had it so screwed up they couldn't have stopped if they wanted to. The box is too bulky to lug on the bus. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 20:24

Today I've been eating clean and healthy for nearly a year. Now that I'm pregnant the only food that doesn't make me nauseas is McDonald's! Wtf nature?! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 7

By Lizzie - 28/04/2017 14:35 - United States - Alexandria

Today I went into the clinic at my school looking for some gauze and a decent sized bandaid because last night I accidentally gave myself a pretty big cut while shaving my legs. Well the lady in the clinic just told me, "I should talk to someone if I'm having issues." Not the first time either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 13:45

Today, I learned that the prohect I spent the last six months working on was not only my boss's responsibility, but it was also his attempt to make it on to the corporate board. Oh, and he made on to the board for his "astounding and sophisticated organization and management skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 4

By didn'twanttogoanyway - 28/04/2017 10:58

Today for the first time in years I decided I would buy tickets and go to a concert because my favourite band has returned. Got up early and transferred money to my account ready for the sale and the money was lost during the transfer. Tickets came and went and I am ticketless and moneyless. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 2

By Samo - 28/04/2017 10:54

Had a boner in assembly today, had to get up for a prize. Everyone saw. Everyone.

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 12

By Unhealthyorhealthymaybe - 28/04/2017 08:24

Today, I had an X-ray for a possible broken bone. The good news is that I don't have a break. The bad news is they may have found a sign of cancer. Or maybe not. My doctor really isn't sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 2

By trent - 28/04/2017 08:19

After sex with my girlfriend i accidentally said, "I love you like my mom" I have no idea why I said those words or what I was thinking but boy was it awkward

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 20

By Day screamer - 28/04/2017 08:14 - Australia - Carrara

Today,I lost my "best friend" of ten years because I gave her proof that her boyfriend was cheating on her with one of my other friends..this was not the first time ..actually many times have I caught him with the same friend over the course of five years. I got blocked because I'm the bad guy..FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 08:00

my sister came over to our house to detox from heroin. my husband didn't want to deal with her so he went to a hotel, with his girlfriend.

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 12

By "iTried911" - 28/04/2017 07:43

My father called me fat on my birthday. He is fully aware that I'm in recovery from an eating disorder...I'm not even close to being overweight.

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 3

By loveless - 28/04/2017 07:38

Today, I met my ex wife at a bar to talk. Getting further into our conversation about current relationships, she admits she was never in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 5

By drako1026 - 28/04/2017 07:35

Today while making love to my wife, her father walked in and started talking about the Internet. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 4

By MomoSmiles - 28/04/2017 07:01

Today, I got into an argument with my dad on why I had to take my car on my birthday, he figured out that my boyfriend and I had sex in the back... he laughed, asked if we used protection and how it was.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 50

By riperino - 28/04/2017 06:57

Today I couldn't get a NASA internship despite prepping the last two years to get the internship and having a former astronaut write my letter of recommendation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 13

By Sami - 28/04/2017 06:04 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, the day before my birthday and after taking my boyfriend out to an expensive lunch, he dumped me as I pulled in to my drive way. Did I mention I live with his mom? FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 4

By Friendless - 28/04/2017 03:05 - United States

Today, my two best friends have been getting really close because of me. Now they both never talk to me, and I am yet again without a best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 4

By theonethatgotaway - 28/04/2017 03:02

Today, one of my lecturers whom I find attractive confessed that he thinks the same of me. We're both married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 29

By Ithurtssomewhat - 28/04/2017 00:51

Today, I finally qualified for the health insurance my work offers. I was also informed by veteran employees that even if I'm injured outside of work, I should hope no one finds out. I applied here because it was the only insurance-paying job I could get for a much needed hernia surgery. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 20:33 - United States - Media

Today, I have made my company HR's shit-list. They gave my one of my two day overtime days to a temp with less senority all because my supervisor pissed them off. There goes my rent money. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about LGBT rights, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grandkids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 086

You deserved it 5 247

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 523

You deserved it 8 718

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 743

You deserved it 19 967

Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 970

You deserved it 414

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 201

Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 120