Nearly FMLs

By Kelly - 10/05/2017 02:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, for the first time in the eight months since my husband and I got married, we were able to get away for a night without being sick, without the kids, and without obnoxious upstairs neighbors or cats to wake us up all night. Instead, we got a nice hotel room next to a screaming infant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 892

You deserved it 502

By "Cheyenne Warner" - 09/05/2017 05:53

Today, I had to listen to a coworker complain about being so hungry, but she just spent a ton of money on a tattoo. You can't afford to feed yourself, but you can waste money on a tattoo. I hear this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 15

By Nemo - 09/05/2017 03:10 - United States - Saint Paul

Today I was playing with my little sister and we had a punching balloon. I decided to show her that if you rub it on your head that it can stick to things. So I rub it on her head and put it on the wall and it pops and hits me less than and inch from my eye and taking off half of my eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 27

By LostinPlace - 08/05/2017 01:35 - Georgia

Today, I was diagnosed with clinical depression after breaking down in tears in front of my third grade for the third time in a month and having my boss demand that I go out and see a professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 29

By "Dreamer5393" - 08/05/2017 01:29

Today my mom, whom I'm very close with, forgot my birthday and instead had a rummage sale to sell most of my stuff. fml

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 8

By mylifeisthedefinitionofdisasterous - 08/05/2017 01:15

Today, I caught my 9 year old brother trying to hump his own leg.FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 16

By lonely - 07/05/2017 21:10

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mom is still more caring about me, than my actual mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 9

By Total embarrassment - 07/05/2017 20:39

Today I woke up to the smell of shit and puke. I then remembered that last night I was drinking wine with my boyfriends entire family. I then got too drunk went upstairs, some how shit myself on my boyfriends bedroom carpet. BF was too drunk, so his mom ended up cleaning my shit off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 149

By iwannamovenow - 07/05/2017 16:09

Today, at 1:30am, my roommate's boyfriend rang at our door, as he has for the past six nights. She says she doesn't want to go downstairs to open the door for him and she can't buzz him in unless he rings the bell first. There goes my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 417

By tami - 07/05/2017 07:15

Today, I told my whole family for the first time that I'm bisexual. I have been for 5 years. My dad who is very homophobic and my mum and brother don't believe me and think I'm joking cause I've never been with a girl, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 24

By Lithos27 - 07/05/2017 05:15

Today, after not having had a bowel movement in five days, I went to the doctor for some laxatives. Now I can't stop pooping...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 33

By "girlsncomics" - 07/05/2017 04:44 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, after two weeks of living with a new roommate I found out she actually doesn't like my cooking because it's too flavorful and spicy for her. She has been throwing out my leftover meals. Our third roommate loves my cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 12

By muddbunny - 07/05/2017 04:32 - United States - Oxford

Today, I ran into my ex boyfriend while I was with my current boyfriend at the mall. My current boyfriend was carrying my VS bag and my ex smirked and said what'd she get ya? FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 21

By "Alexis Leann Winter" - 07/05/2017 02:44 - United States - Medford

Today, I noticed my 3 month old German shepherd pup chewing on something odd and white . Upon closer inspection, I realized it was my used bloody tampon that I had thrown away in the bathroom trash an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 23

By "chrddajr" - 06/05/2017 20:48

Today, at work I go on break out to my car tp find it on cinder blocks. I go back in freaking out to find out the cooks thought it'd be funny to "hide" my tires. Who does this! And when did they get the time! FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 13

By ImOnly140.. - 06/05/2017 19:30

Today, I nailed my solo at my school's choir concert. After the performance, a little boy went up to me and said "I thought fat girls only sing Opera!" His Father just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 13

By Meow - 06/05/2017 17:25

Today, I have been without a man so long that instead of fantasizing about wild liasons with a hot hunk I now daydream about snuggling and petting my cats while reading a good book. Even in my fantasies I seem doomed to inevitable cat-riddled spinsterhood. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 13

By Mel - 06/05/2017 17:22

Today I have to put my one year old cat back up for adoption. He keeps peeing on my bed while I'm away and on me while I'm sleeping. I don't have a working dryer. I don't have any clean blankets left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 36

By no more searching - 06/05/2017 02:54

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time. It wasn't my first time having sex, but it was the first time a condom got lost inside me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 22

MrCabbagewank tells us more.

MrCabbagewank 10

Saturday 6 May 2017 2:09

OP here- this FML happened a while ago, but I thought I'd give it time to spare the embarrassment of my boyfriend.

By sadface - 06/05/2017 01:42

Today, I met my cousin's fiancée's brother for the first time. He looks at me for a moment, and says, "looking at your face just makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 4

By poor mummy - 04/05/2017 23:43

Today, I was changing my two year old son's nappy. He ran off butt naked and in the 3 seconds it took for me to follow him, he managed to curl out the world's biggest shit on my stairs. I spent the remainder of the day bleaching my carpet and wondering why I ever decided to procreate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 27

By "insurgent" - 04/05/2017 21:41

Today, my septum piercing got infected. Today is also the day my new boss told me if I don't remove my septum by tomorrow, he'll fire me. It hurts to even touch my nose and there's no way I can get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 80

By what have i done - 04/05/2017 17:04

Today, my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend married each other, have dream careers and a great life. I dropped them five years ago because I felt they were holding me back. Today I have no friends, no relationship, and a shit job. Guess that backfired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 04/05/2017 16:28

Today, I found out that one of my close friends is extremely racist towards Mexicans. I'm half Mexican, and none of my other friends have said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 7

By Happy boy - 04/05/2017 16:11

Today, I, despite not having fallen sick for literally the entire year, managed to go down with a cold and a fever the exact day my year's final exams start. Timing couldn't have been any better. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 4

By iknow - 04/05/2017 15:29 - Australia - Dunlop

Today I lost over an hour of my life trying to access my old Apple-id account despite their support assuring me that the emails I received were just phishing. Turns out someone had hacked my account, added someone else's credit card details and proceeded to spend about $200 on games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 04/05/2017 14:58 - United States - Colorado Springs

today while at work I noticed that my cat peed on my shoes . I was very emberrased and hurried to clean them. thinking I was ok I returned to work. my supervisor approaches me only to tell me there have been complaints of my hygiene. I was forced to watch a one hour video on hygiene

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 11

By Hovh - 04/05/2017 14:12

Today, I went to visit my new older boyfriend, a year after me and my ex broke up, turns out that my new boyfriend coaches my ex's football team, and I will now apparently be seeing them on a regular baisis. My ex was very shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 14

By abouttothrowup - 04/05/2017 13:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I was thirsty so I went to the cupboard and found a bottle of apple juice. But not long after taking a huge mouthful did I realize that it was not apple juice. It was a bottle that my parents had recycled and used to store cooking oil for camping. They forgot to label it with OIL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 32

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The Top

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 622

You deserved it 1 504

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for two years told me he has been cheating on me for six months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "We can still hang out, just not have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 383

You deserved it 2 263

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 386

You deserved it 5 969

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 241

You deserved it 2 487

Today, as I was taking a time out to decompress after a fight with my boyfriend, I woke up from a nap to discover him making plans to move me and our cats back to New York. I moved over 1300 miles to be here and we own a house together. Today is our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 443

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 236