Nearly FMLs

By Urfave - 27/04/2017 18:12

Today my school has a mandatory assembly about thirteen reasons why and made our parents aware, so I can't watch Netflix or anything without my parents until I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 4

By magdog - 27/04/2017 17:52

I got caught using a laser pointer through my neighbors window which caused his cat to trash his living room furniture. It was retribution for said cat crapping in my garden. I was ratted out by my own husband.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

By "truckstopworker" - 27/04/2017 17:39

Today, a trucker comes in and wants to run 3 fuel transactions using 2 checks (i.e. a pain in the butt) He wanted to do it this way so he could get 3 shower credits instead of 1. Two hours of this asswipe later, I discovered he had unlimited showers anyway, and was too drunk to remember...FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By The new man - 27/04/2017 16:45

Today while I'm spending the day with my girlfriend in her dorm her ex keeps stalking us and won't leave us alone even after calling campus security. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 4

By Anon - 27/04/2017 16:35

I went to my girlfriends place to talk to her, we made a decision to say it at the same time, I proposed and she broke up with me

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 12

By ButYouBelieveinSanta - 27/04/2017 14:37

Today, I was turned down my promised promotion at Chickfila because I'm an Athiest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 18

By "liz090300" - 27/04/2017 14:09

Today, I was picking what I thought was dead skin off my ear. It was actually a blister. Now my ear burns and there's a huge raw spot now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 46

By Aryah - 27/04/2017 06:11 - United States - Irving

Today, my mother-in-law lite a cigarette while holding my infant daughter. Apparently I owe her an apology for her having to watching my daughter while I cooked dinner. I had asked my husband to watch our daughter, but he decided to play video games instead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 12

By SoreShoulders - 27/04/2017 09:01

Today, my shoulders hurt so much that I resorted to whacking myself repeatedly with a vibrator just to ease the pain. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 10

By paigexox0 - 27/04/2017 06:44 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today i got to the UK from Canada to visit a friend. We went to get on the train when the doors shut practically on me, leaving me on the platform, and him on the train. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 4

By MomoSmiles - 26/04/2017 22:52 - United States - Arlington

Today when my boyfriend called me to make sure I was awake for work, his ringtone is a dog barking, I kept yelling at my dog Marley to stop barking... my boyfriend called me 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 64

By thatoneperson - 27/04/2017 05:45

Today, I got back a math test which I'd studied and revised for for hours on end, trying my best to understand the topic-- only to have barely scraped a 70 after it'd been curved heavily by my generous teacher. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By "Bryson McGuire" - 27/04/2017 05:40

Today I found out that while my girlfriend was out of town for her brothers funeral she cheated on me. The only reason I didn't go with her is because I lost my car in a wreck a week prior. This same week my Grandfater passed away. oh and the person she cheated on me with was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 6

By QuirkyWizard - 26/04/2017 19:59 - Canada - Sudbury

Today at work working for a call centre a man on the phone mistook me for a women. I have a full on beard and a bald spot on my head as well as a deep voice. My coworker keeps making fun of me for it FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By dragonslayerm60 - 27/04/2017 00:27

Today out of kindness I gave a homeless guy some money. Upon receipt, he cussed me out that the amount I gave him "wasn't good enough!" and then stormed off FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 15:20 - United States - Torrance

Today, on Adminstrative Professionals Day, my boss forgot and did nothing to recognize her staff, but I made arrangements for flowers for our staff from my own pocket. When one asked where mine was she responded "F--- her". The staff still think the flowers are from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 9

By Stuck - 26/04/2017 23:35

Today, my drivers side brakes that I had fully redone failed just 9 months later. When I called the shop, they had noted the drivers side on the first receipt, then suddenly put passenger side on the final receipt and said they may or may not honor the warrantly... After I have it towed there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By Mother-fucking Nature - 26/04/2017 23:25

Today couldn't be worse. My boyfriend's libido isn't very high but mine is. He turned me down twice this week, but this morning was different. He was interested and we started the foreplay... only for me to realize my period started eight days early and I got blood on his sheets in the night. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By Godot - 26/04/2017 13:00 - United States - Fontana

Today, I challenged a female acquaintance to justify why "feminism was bad" and her assertion that the gender pay gap myth was "debunked". As citations, she linked me 3 videos of the same person, a known misogynist, giving the same speech in 3 different locations, and two snarky bloggers who looked like college kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 1 013

By NoMoreDogsForAWhile - 26/04/2017 12:11 - United States - Tucson

Today, the puppy my dad adopted for me passed away, even after $700 worth of vet bills to figure out what was wrong. The reason my dad gave me this puppy was to help me cope with losing my last two dogs in a bee swarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 6

By Michael - 26/04/2017 20:11

Today, I realized why it's a terrible idea to sleep with your ex after she cheated on you. Thanks for the chlamydia, babe.

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 114

By PJ34 - 26/04/2017 13:00 - United States - Cornersville

Today, my husband said he didn't want to talk to me about current events or news. Yesterday, he told me didn't want to talk to me about baseball. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk to him about about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 121

You deserved it 707

By ImScrewed - 26/04/2017 13:42 - United States - Allentown

Today, there is a kid on the wrestling team at my University who looks just like me. Unfortunately, he is an asshole, and I have been threatened 3 times today by the kid who mistakenly thinks that I am the one on the wrestling team, who has been stealing and messing with this things at practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 1

By janey - 26/04/2017 10:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally chilled with a guy I've talked to for over a year now. We went out for a drink, but by the end of the night he got pissed drunk. We got into an argument and I ended up taking his drunk ass home, because he couldn't function properly. And I think he stole 60 dollars from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 125

You deserved it 532

By whatdidido - 26/04/2017 13:44

Today, I found out my 'best friend' got married three months ago. She didn't even tell me today, she mentioned how busy she is being a wife on her FB. Guess I'm not invited? I don't even know why we aren't friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 6

By prii - 26/04/2017 16:45 - India - Alwar

Today when I checked my laptop to use the images which I transfered from my phone to make space, I found out transfer didn't happen and I lost every important picture. The best part is I put my phone on factory reset that day after transfer FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 55

By The_RavingPanda - 26/04/2017 12:47

Today, I was getting it on with this really hot guy. Every time he tried to go down on me I unintentionally queefed until finally he gave up and the mood was killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 15

By The_RavingPanda - 26/04/2017 05:42 - United States - Madison

Today, my family found out I'm not a virgin. How you ask? My dad caught my dog chewing on something and went to take it away. It was the condom my boyfriend and I used and threw away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 50

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 12:39

Today I got dumped because my ex who works 5 days a week is "too tired to date me". I'm a full time college student who also works two part-time jobs and has an internship, yet I made time for him no matter how exhausted I was.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 5

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 838

You deserved it 2 219

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 90

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 371

You deserved it 4 228

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 732

You deserved it 1 545

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 2 773

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 211