Nearly FMLs

By Birthday Boy - 02/05/2017 16:12

Today, for my birthday, I get to take 3 back-to-back finals. I will be taking tests for 6 straight hours. Happy birthday to me I guess... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 5

By Corbin - 02/05/2017 15:49

Today, I am spending the day in In School Suspension because I didn't "try hard enough to do nothing" I have to actively try to do nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 15:20

Today, I finally told the guy I like how I feel about him because he seemed to be into me too. He rejected me while he was serenading me with his guitar. I am as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 359

By "Vessecora " - 02/05/2017 15:10

Today I finally realised that the little memories I do retain after gradual memory loss from epileptic seizures are only visualised from the third person perspective. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By "childproofpizza" - 02/05/2017 14:13

Today, after my girlfriend broke my copy of GTA out of anger, I went to buy a new copy. I asked the cashier to hold onto it for a sec while I went to turn off my car. Some little kid took it from the counter and ran. His parents chewed me out and I didn't get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 13:40

Today, I was helping a customer at work for a good half hour when she asked how much longer it would take. When I said it would probably be longer she left to get her daughter out of the car. I waited, expecting an older child who could stay by themselves. She returned with an infant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 4

By NotGhostingISwear - 02/05/2017 12:59

Today, I went on the nicest first date I've been on in a very long time. Immediately after, my phone died, and I lost all my contacts. I can't find her on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 7

By jagedup - 02/05/2017 10:18

Today, i got pulled over and ticketed for speeding while on my way to meet my new girlfriends parents for the first time. Turns out the officer is her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 47

By neverdrinkingwiththemagain - 02/05/2017 15:17 - Malaysia - Semenyih

Today, my friends and I went bar hopping to joint-celebrate two of their birthdays. One of them got so drunk that she puked for three hours straight. In public. Until 3am. She continued puking in the car ride back to our dorms too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

By Mojo - 01/05/2017 22:54 - United States - Carmichael

Today, my boyfriend of 10 months asked me why it wasn't ok for him to fuck another girl if it didn't mean anything to him... FML...

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 5

By JesusWasBetrayedToo - 02/05/2017 06:53

Today I got the honor of playing Jesus in an Easter play. I told my fraternity of 100 guys about it for a month and a half, even today to remind them. It was free and only an hour and a half. None of them showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 25

By "wolfie124" - 02/05/2017 00:26 - United States

Today, I spent about 4 hours looking for my cat. I found out how well she blends in with the blanket when I accidentally sat on her when I sat on my bed... black cats and black blankets don't mix. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 15

By bummedbutnotthatmuch - 01/05/2017 23:30 - United States - Tallahassee

Today I discovered why my ex hadn't contacted me since leaving for basic training over a year ago... I guess it's easier to marry someone in the service than to maintain a long-distance relationship with your loving, yet stationary, boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 3

By Anon - 02/05/2017 03:38

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty snapchat while he was at work, I texted him "be careful when opening that snap". My dad then responded with "what's that supposed to mean?!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 47

By elsaqueen - 02/05/2017 03:04

Today I washed my platinum blonde hair with a new shampoo my husband bought, when I opened my eye my shower was covered in gray bubbles. When I read the label on a bottle it was shampoo dye for gray hair. I'm no longer platinum blonde, I'm grayish blue color, similar to clouds before hurricane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 28

By "Geric Brawner" - 02/05/2017 02:39

Today, I found out that my fiance was carrying on with another man. It got serious and he's in love with her. She doesn't understand why I'm upset about it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 2

By FiredMan - 02/05/2017 00:16

Today, my biggest client Carl left a message on one of my old numbers I told him not to store, the person who got it texted back "Fuxk off Carl!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2

By "41k312" - 01/05/2017 23:10

Today, at work, I cooked for my crushes new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By makinmywaydowntown - 01/05/2017 16:40 - United States - Belmar

Today, I went for a run. I ran a little slower than usual because I pulled a muscle and didn't want to injure it further. As I ran, I passed by two shithead 10-year-olds who screamed that I was fat, that I needed to run faster and that I sucked at running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 2

By Curley - 01/05/2017 22:15

Today, I decided to purchase a fotbit. Apparently it's so unusual for me to purchase something fitness related that my credit card company actually flagged the purchase as fraudulent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 21:30

Today on my flight back home, I forced my rather small bag into the compartment overhead. The door got jammed. Before we could take off the maintenance people had to come fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:38

Today, I had just bought groceries from a store and while I was loading them in my trunk I left my keys there. The trunk opener button stopped working and it wouldn't budge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 18:47

Walking into Publix when my 4 year old punches the air with her fist and yells as loud as she can "TO THE TAMPOOOOOOOONSSSSSSSS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By LoveBird - 01/05/2017 18:41

Today, I walked in to my weekly violin lessons and I saw my teacher's daughter having sex on their couch. Moaning my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 09:44 - Canada - Calgary

Today after a night of partying and drinking I discovered it is indeed possible to vomit at the same time you piss and shit your pants. Hard lesson learned. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 10:42 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with the shits while I listened to the sounds of my new puppy tearing up my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

By should'veaskedforamentalhealthscreening - 01/05/2017 16:55

Today, I signed a lease with a girl I met a few months ago. Today she also confessed she's bipolar. Only 12 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 34

By WannabeBride - 02/05/2017 00:45 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I attended a family members beautiful wedding, which resulted in most of my family asking when my turn is.. I can't wait to get married to my long term partner.. shame it still isn't legal in my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 10

By unlucky - 01/05/2017 16:17

Today I was substitute teaching for a high school class writing notes on the board when multiple students started throwing chalk at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 3

By "TaylorKopacz" - 01/05/2017 16:15

Today, my boss was talking to me about how short-staffed we are going to be next week. Today is also the day that she cut my hours in half next week because I didn't properly close the building... FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 26

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The Top

Today, we have three kids. Two were "natural" and our third was through expensive IVF. Of all three kids, only our IVF son turned out to be a real asshole. Now he’s going to jail for armed robbery and pushing a pregnant woman to the floor. Wish we’d saved that IVF money and paid off the mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 514

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 876

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 3 628

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 942

You deserved it 6 783

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 356

You deserved it 5 075

Today, I tried to clock in at 2 pm, but the machine was malfunctioning and kept refusing my card until 2:01. Just yesterday, our manager gave a long angry speech about firing the next person who doesn’t clock in when they’re supposed to, “on the dot.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 105