Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 18:55

Today, my boss fired me for taking a 15 minute break after 2 hours of demolition. While he was firing me the person who did nothing for 3 hours was just sitting, watching and laughing.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 3

By Ugh - 02/05/2017 18:20 - United Kingdom

Today, as usual, at my work in a Chinese take away, I thought how lucky I was to work somewhere where I'm allowed to read, go on my phone, and with a boss who buys me pizza. Until said boss used my phone to contact a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 11

By SealedSage - 02/05/2017 17:29 - United States - Memphis

Today before I left for school, I cleaned some trash out of car while my wife ran back inside to get something. When I walked the 100ft or so back to the car, I could not find my car keys. My wife returned without them. I turn around to see the garbage truck lifting and dumping the trash bin. fml

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 15

By Birthday Boy - 02/05/2017 16:12

Today, for my birthday, I get to take 3 back-to-back finals. I will be taking tests for 6 straight hours. Happy birthday to me I guess... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 5

By Corbin - 02/05/2017 15:49

Today, I am spending the day in In School Suspension because I didn't "try hard enough to do nothing" I have to actively try to do nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 15:20

Today, I finally told the guy I like how I feel about him because he seemed to be into me too. He rejected me while he was serenading me with his guitar. I am as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 359

By "Vessecora " - 02/05/2017 15:10

Today I finally realised that the little memories I do retain after gradual memory loss from epileptic seizures are only visualised from the third person perspective. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By "childproofpizza" - 02/05/2017 14:13

Today, after my girlfriend broke my copy of GTA out of anger, I went to buy a new copy. I asked the cashier to hold onto it for a sec while I went to turn off my car. Some little kid took it from the counter and ran. His parents chewed me out and I didn't get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 02/05/2017 13:40

Today, I was helping a customer at work for a good half hour when she asked how much longer it would take. When I said it would probably be longer she left to get her daughter out of the car. I waited, expecting an older child who could stay by themselves. She returned with an infant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 4

By NotGhostingISwear - 02/05/2017 12:59

Today, I went on the nicest first date I've been on in a very long time. Immediately after, my phone died, and I lost all my contacts. I can't find her on social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 7

By jagedup - 02/05/2017 10:18

Today, i got pulled over and ticketed for speeding while on my way to meet my new girlfriends parents for the first time. Turns out the officer is her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 47

By neverdrinkingwiththemagain - 02/05/2017 09:17 - Malaysia - Semenyih

Today, my friends and I went bar hopping to joint-celebrate two of their birthdays. One of them got so drunk that she puked for three hours straight. In public. Until 3am. She continued puking in the car ride back to our dorms too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

By Mojo - 02/05/2017 07:54 - United States - Carmichael

Today, my boyfriend of 10 months asked me why it wasn't ok for him to fuck another girl if it didn't mean anything to him... FML...

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 5

By JesusWasBetrayedToo - 02/05/2017 06:53

Today I got the honor of playing Jesus in an Easter play. I told my fraternity of 100 guys about it for a month and a half, even today to remind them. It was free and only an hour and a half. None of them showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 25

By "wolfie124" - 02/05/2017 06:26 - United States

Today, I spent about 4 hours looking for my cat. I found out how well she blends in with the blanket when I accidentally sat on her when I sat on my bed... black cats and black blankets don't mix. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 15

By bummedbutnotthatmuch - 02/05/2017 05:30 - United States - Tallahassee

Today I discovered why my ex hadn't contacted me since leaving for basic training over a year ago... I guess it's easier to marry someone in the service than to maintain a long-distance relationship with your loving, yet stationary, boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 3

By Anon - 02/05/2017 03:38

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty snapchat while he was at work, I texted him "be careful when opening that snap". My dad then responded with "what's that supposed to mean?!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 47

By elsaqueen - 02/05/2017 03:04

Today I washed my platinum blonde hair with a new shampoo my husband bought, when I opened my eye my shower was covered in gray bubbles. When I read the label on a bottle it was shampoo dye for gray hair. I'm no longer platinum blonde, I'm grayish blue color, similar to clouds before hurricane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 28

By "Geric Brawner" - 02/05/2017 02:39

Today, I found out that my fiance was carrying on with another man. It got serious and he's in love with her. She doesn't understand why I'm upset about it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 2

By FiredMan - 02/05/2017 00:16

Today, my biggest client Carl left a message on one of my old numbers I told him not to store, the person who got it texted back "Fuxk off Carl!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 2

By "41k312" - 01/05/2017 23:10

Today, at work, I cooked for my crushes new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

By makinmywaydowntown - 01/05/2017 22:40 - United States - Belmar

Today, I went for a run. I ran a little slower than usual because I pulled a muscle and didn't want to injure it further. As I ran, I passed by two shithead 10-year-olds who screamed that I was fat, that I needed to run faster and that I sucked at running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 2

By Curley - 01/05/2017 22:15

Today, I decided to purchase a fotbit. Apparently it's so unusual for me to purchase something fitness related that my credit card company actually flagged the purchase as fraudulent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 21:30

Today on my flight back home, I forced my rather small bag into the compartment overhead. The door got jammed. Before we could take off the maintenance people had to come fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:38

Today, I had just bought groceries from a store and while I was loading them in my trunk I left my keys there. The trunk opener button stopped working and it wouldn't budge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 18:47

Walking into Publix when my 4 year old punches the air with her fist and yells as loud as she can "TO THE TAMPOOOOOOOONSSSSSSSS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By LoveBird - 01/05/2017 18:41

Today, I walked in to my weekly violin lessons and I saw my teacher's daughter having sex on their couch. Moaning my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 17:44 - Canada - Calgary

Today after a night of partying and drinking I discovered it is indeed possible to vomit at the same time you piss and shit your pants. Hard lesson learned. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 17:42 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with the shits while I listened to the sounds of my new puppy tearing up my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

By should'veaskedforamentalhealthscreening - 01/05/2017 16:55

Today, I signed a lease with a girl I met a few months ago. Today she also confessed she's bipolar. Only 12 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 34

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The Top

Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed and ended up against a pole by the side of the road. It was the only pole I'd seen in 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 119

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 196

You deserved it 3 539

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 518

You deserved it 782

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 359

You deserved it 451

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 537

Today, my dad gave a speech at my wedding. It started with, “Forty years ago, there was a tree…” and continued in the same vein about his work as a biologist. I might have been mentioned in passing. My new wife was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 86