Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/04/2017 19:25 - Germany - Hennigsdorf

Today, the kid I babysit was walking around all weird because she still doesn't wipe her own butt. She's 7... and her parents still do it for her. I gave her a crash course and she did not know that girls have to wipe front to back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 6

By "chrddajr" - 21/04/2017 18:22

Today I overheard my coworkers plotting to get me fired by saying I asked one of the teenagers to come over and get drunk. What the hell!? FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 4

By "INDYSTRUCTABLE" - 20/04/2017 22:33 - United States - West Orange

Today I decided to burn sage in my house to cleanse the environment. somewhere between ahh and oh no the sage started to smell like burnt cigarettes. I've been trying to get the smell out for hours with no luck. so much for cleansing, fml.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 62

By Thegatewayslug - 20/04/2017 11:30

Today, a girl I've been talking to for a couple of weeks invited me to go see a movie with her. I drove halfway across town to meet her, but 40 mins into a 3-hour film, she started obviously fake coughing and left the theater completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 810

You deserved it 524

Thegatewayslug tells us more.

Thegatewayslug 6

Friday 31 March 2017 2:57

I know right! She texted me after the movie to tell me she left because of the coughing but that's it. I definitely wasn't handsy at all because I met up with her just to hang out, like it wasn't a date at all, and it couldve been real coughing but it was super sudden and out of the blue so idk...

By Anonymous - 19/04/2017 13:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend set things up for a romantic evening. It all seemed fine but as things were about to start heating up, she says out of nowhere, "Yeah it's not really working. Sorry." And went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 353

You deserved it 449

By "RheaDitto" - 19/04/2017 15:00

Today, I realized how emotionally attached I am to my bed when I started crying after being reunited with it after a long day at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 38

By Jad123 - 19/04/2017 13:19

Today after being with my girlfriend for a month I really thought things were going great, she was the perfect girl. That was until I received a call from another guy she was dating. He found out that him, me, and some third guy have been dating and sleeping with her all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 14

By DidntBeatHer - 19/04/2017 13:03

Today, my wife got scared half to death by police pounding on our door. Seems some asshat prank called a domestic disturbance at our address. Good thing I snore like a buzz saw if I don't have my mouth guard and nasal strip on or I might be in big trouble, which I wouldn't for a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 19/04/2017 12:00

Today, my wife walked in on me changing and apologized. That's how sexless our marriage is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 363

You deserved it 513

By Bunnydad - 18/04/2017 19:45 - United States - El Paso

Today, despite my strong protests and opposition my wife and kids got a rabbit. Since I work from home, guess who will be cleaning after and taking care the rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 16

By "KaylaRox1908" - 19/04/2017 02:14

Today, two middle-aged men came into my work. They kept making lewd comments about the bartender and I, and how they'd prefer to sit "wherever" just as long as they have the two of us in view. I sat them in the far back. They got angry and complained to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 16

By really - 18/04/2017 10:00 - United States - Draper

Today, I was supposed to be moving in with my girlfriend, something we been looking forward to for months. Instead, she decided this afternoon that she NEEDS to spend the weekend in Vegas with friends, but I can still move my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 441

By Miss 080 - 18/04/2017 12:06

Today, I spent a small fortune on supplies to decorate egg shells that would be broken and thrown away within minutes of cracking. Good ol' Easter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 306

You deserved it 1 278

By Godlaughsatme - 18/04/2017 05:17

Today, I was thinking my life could not get any shittier when a pipe in my bathroom burst. A sewage pipe, which is the main one for the whole building. The waste of 250 people is now overflowing into my connected bedroom. It has literally gotten shittier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 13

By "terrbear15" - 18/04/2017 04:44

Today... I found out that the boy I have been dating for the last year and a half has been using me to cook dinner for his self and his mom. Now that I work night's and can't do that I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 18

By Bride - 15/04/2017 18:00

Today, my future mother-in-law decided the plates used by our wedding venue were too ugly for her liking, and requested we buy new ones. For 400 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 15/04/2017 08:08

Today I lit a candle and drew a relaxing bubble bath to unwind a little. It wasn't until something touched me unexpectedly and I freaked out that I realized my 1 yr. old's bath toys were in the tub with me. I might as well share my glass of wine with the rubber duckies too. fml

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 43

By "Torvaltz" - 15/04/2017 05:17

Today, as a birthday present, my friend gave me back the shirt I had let him borrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 15

By Studentnomore - 15/04/2017 00:46

Today I graduated medical school, and promptly realized I hate all things about medicine but have too much debt to have any other choice but to make this my career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 72

By katinka - 15/04/2017 00:31

Today, as I was stepping inside from the balcony, I accidentally stood on my cat's tail. I freaked out so bad that I fell over and somehow brought down three big plants from the windowsill. Now, I'm all bruised up, my floor is a mess, and my cat i pissed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 32

By "lildollcing" - 14/04/2017 21:56

Today, not only was i dumped by my boyfriend, but two of my housemates broke up. This would have all turned out ok, except one of my housemates decided to cut their arms and legs, and i was left to clean him up. Im now traumatized with no one to turn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 16

By NewJobBlues - 14/04/2017 18:00

Today, having started my first job recently, I was excited to see when my first scheduled shift would be. Too bad I'm limited to the bus system and have no possible way of arriving on time for my 4 am shift next week. When they asked if I could work any time, I guess they meant that literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 502

You deserved it 4 084

By "Bawsack" - 14/04/2017 10:17

Today, after working 127 hours in the last two weeks; I was looking forward to getting finished up for a week off. The person relieving me didn't turn up. 12 hours later I'm still waiting. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 11

By "daddyrobyn" - 14/04/2017 01:47

Today, I sat next to a boy in a lecture. This would be completely normal if he hadn't said "I want to make a pillow out of your scent" to me... Fml

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 13/04/2017 20:37

Today I gave my girlfriend 2 dresses I bought for her off her wish list for her birthday. spent 180 dollars. They were both too big and now she's pissed at me for thinking she's fat despite her specifying the sizes on her list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 14

By chanmeister - 13/04/2017 11:41

Today, I found out my mom is signing me up for summer school, while she and my sister go to Hong Kong for the summer. Not only am I missing out on that, but I'm also missing out on a cruise with my cousin, who my parents suggest I stop hanging out with because apparently, he's "too old" for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 493

You deserved it 527

chanmeister tells us more.

chanmeister 7

Wednesday 12 April 2017 21:24

OP here, and it seems like I didn't mention I'm a guy. Before you ask, no I'm not gay.

By QuirkyWizard - 13/04/2017 08:48

Today, I vacuumed the whole house while my mom was out shopping because I thought it would be nice to surprise her with clean floors for when she got back. She didn't notice and on top of that she walked in with her shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 28

By Lex - 13/04/2017 07:05

Today, I was at gymnastics practice, doing back walkovers. I tend to kick over slightly to one side, so I was being spotted by a guy about my age. I somehow managed to kick him in the head every single time I kicked over, for a total of three times. They weren't soft kicks, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 13/04/2017 06:47

Today, during intercourse with a very attractive man who made me feel incredibly sexy, he became soft mid-stroke and said "Yup. I'm gay." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 20

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The Top

Today, I fainted because of a condition I have. My husband, who was standing right there, failed to catch me because he didn't want to drop his yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 210

You deserved it 4 196

Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 946

You deserved it 225

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 818

You deserved it 2 245

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 433

You deserved it 26 027

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 415

You deserved it 64 231

Today, my boss told me that I was getting a promotion. I was so excited to tell my family and friends the good news, but when I got home and checked my bank account, I realized that I had accidentally transferred all of my savings to my ex's account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 1 116