Nearly FMLs

By Kaiya Beliz - 29/09/2017 06:18

I’m the proud owner of a 2013 black Nissan Sentra. Today after leaving the mall I come out to be told someone chucked a piece of metal at my car. I’ve owned it less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 3

By LiningUp - 29/09/2017 05:59

Today, in public, a man cut in line in front of me said that his son was in front when I confronted him about it. Then, two women cut our queue and said the same thing when I told them to queue up. Then the man proceeded to say to the women loudly "I agree with your actions, this man is heartless!"

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 5

By Tim - 29/09/2017 05:22

Today, I found out there is a new Taco Bell being built very close to my apartment. For 3 years, the nearest Taco Bell was 10 or more miles away. Last week, my wife and I closed on a house we are buying. We are moving 10 miles from this new Taco Bell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 15

By Help - 28/09/2017 14:03 - United States - Pomona

Today my contractor texted me to quit because he got caught drinking on the job and was told being 3 weeks late on his work was milking it. We are 80% done and he's been paid 90% of his money. He's been an improvement. The contractor before him did crap work late and stole tools. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

By Casuallydying - 28/09/2017 19:24 - Sweden

Today, I finally got my new sofa. Excited while assembling it, I went to tighten a screw and managed to punch a whole in it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 16

By Suhdude - 28/09/2017 13:00

Today, my wife left on an "Emergency trip" to California for real estate training with a group of 50 or so. When I dropped her off at the airport, she ALMOST forgot to mention she'd be sharing a hotel room with another man. "Don't worry," she said, "it has 2 beds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 341

By foody - 28/09/2017 06:20 - Canada

Today my roommate finally caught me going to work, since I started working evenings/nights we work completely different work shifts. She started yelling at me by saying I'm trying to avoid her and if I don't spend more time with her she'll kick me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 6

By Sadghetti - 28/09/2017 09:32

Today, I'm so poor I used stolen butter and ketchup from work as spaghetti sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 3

By With a side of breadsticks - 28/09/2017 03:23 - United States

Today, I realized why I've been having such bad breakouts. My soon-to-be-husband informed me that washing was futile and has been sharing his own acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

By TillDeath - 28/09/2017 07:52

Today, I watched the woman I've been in love with since Freshman year of high school get married to my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 12

By "Heather Lynn Combo" - 27/09/2017 23:57 - United States - Stephenville

My mother inlaw was supposed to drop off my son on Sunday to my parents house. she never did. she sent me a vague texts about my son being ok and then cut off all communication with. Today I talked to the police and put up alerts. now she want to send out texts calling me a liar.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 2

By Ohgosh - 28/09/2017 06:26

Today I was ordering a phone case online. I have an ongoing joke with my friends to make obscene nicknames on siri. Somehow on the order my Siri name inserted & filled out the order form for "Donald trumps anal cavity." had an awkward time explaining to seller why I wanted to cancel the order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 43

By "daddyrobyn" - 28/09/2017 00:39

Today, while on the first day of a family holiday, I was in charge of carrying plates down to the table. This would have been fine had I not tripped over a rock and broke all the plates and then proceeded to touch my wounds with my hands that had just been dealing with chili. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 27/09/2017 20:26

Today, I woke up to a big crock pot of full of chicken-vegetable soup. The same soup that I told my boyfriend to store in the fridge last night, so that we would have ready made lunches this week. I had to throw it all away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 10

By "holyshmolly" - 27/09/2017 19:02

Today, I wrote a 2 page letter to my married coworker professing my love for her and letting her know we can't be friends since I would always want more. Today is also the day both our departments merged and she now sits 2 seats away from me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 70

By azila - 27/09/2017 19:00

Today, I discovered on facebook that my female friend who used to tease me about being a virgin in high school got married today. I'm 21 haven't gotten my first kiss and she got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 27/09/2017 17:23

Today, I had a jug of pure apple cider vinegar out on my bathroom sink that Ive been using for my severe acne issue, as soon as I was done using it, I smelled an odd scent. Upon asking a visiting friend, it turns out he used it as a pee jug because he thought we had something wrong with our toilet.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

By confused - 27/09/2017 00:33 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend is mad at me because I've performed oral sex on one guy in my life. He's been with at least five women before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 7

By Nomani - 26/09/2017 12:42 - United States - Shelbyville

Today at work, my Walmart coworker and I were at neighboring cash registers when I get a bald, flat-chested customer. So, my coworker helped me bag items. She looked at the customer and asked ‘would you like this in a bag, sir?’ Turns out the customer was a balding woman fighting breast cancer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 16

By WorstWombInHistory - 26/09/2017 14:08

Today I told my boyfriend that my sex-drive has become almost non-existent since I started my new birth control. That same birth control is the only thing keeping my endometriosis in check. Looks like I need to decide between the boyfriend I'd like to have children with or the actual children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 2

By Selfish - 26/09/2017 13:55

Today I spent an hour in the bathroom instead of my normal 15 minutes. After a while, I started to hear the sound of crying from outside. I opened the door to find my housemate sat in the corridor. Turns out her anxiety has gotten so bad that she couldn't knock when she needed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By crash sore - 25/09/2017 20:49 - Canada - Metcalfe

Today I had a seizure while on lunch from work. I crashed to the pavement and was dazed and confused for about 4 hours. I am having to miss a couple days of work to recover, but will still be expected to finish all the assignments due for work and class later in the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By What'sInAName - 26/09/2017 11:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I needed to see the doctor for a UTI and new birth control prescription. My usual doctor was away so I booked it with the only other female doctor available. Turns out Loyala is a MAN'S name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 35

By Email smudge - 25/09/2017 19:19 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I sent in my essay to the Ivy League school I was applying to. I didn't think about the smudge on my laptop only after sending it. Upon further review, I realized this wasn't a smudge, but the poop emoji in the middle of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 76

By "GumStickExtraGmail" - 25/09/2017 17:49 - United States - Arvada

Today, a stranger called me a fat pig. When I got mad, he says "Why, are you triggered?" then proceeded to laugh at me and call me a triggered pig.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 6

By two2blue - 25/09/2017 14:49

Today, after $500 of exams and tests, the only things that might be causing my cat to not eat are stress, and a bad tooth. The soonest the vet can get an appointment to pull the tooth is 6 weeks. I don't know if my baby can last that long. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

By Tanjim - 25/09/2017 07:14

Today... I was hanging out with my boyfriend and it just so happens that he sends me a text message saying “I’m breaking up with you” and then I ask him why he sent me that when I’m right next to him and he says “Oh that’s wasn’t for you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By jill_k_zung - 25/09/2017 00:25

Recently my mom told everyone at a dinner about how I was in jail. I have never been to jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By Of all the things... - 24/09/2017 07:14

Today, my mom made me dig through the trash because she thought she accidentally threw away her birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws, who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 633

You deserved it 6 325

Today, I'm stressing over travel plans yet again. My wife wants to fly standby but the changes in our plans stress me out so much I would rather spend the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 102

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 550

You deserved it 2 780

Today, I bought a Halloween fog machine to make my front yard look spooky. I didn’t realize it would set off my house's fire alarm when I tested it before putting it on the front porch. I ended up outside in full costume while firefighters checked my “haunted” house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 420

Today, my boss replaced me, with my 25 years experience, as head chef with her son, who has a GCSE in food studies from 15 years ago and hasn’t even worked a restaurant before. I’m sitting here, watching our customers send food back untouched because it’s so bad. This has ruined us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 110

Today, I'm working an 8-hour shift on less than 3 hours of sleep. In order to stay awake, I chugged 3 Red Bulls. Now I can't feel my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 861

You deserved it 6 844