Nearly FMLs

By Glutenfree - 02/09/2017 15:02

Today I agreed to a friends with benefit relationship by a voice message on WhatsApp to my crush. I sent it to my new college group. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 55

By TCRII - 02/09/2017 15:00

Today, I had to cut out an ingrown toe nail. Then I stubbed the toe. Then I dropped a kayak on it. Then my great dane stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By "kawaiiototo" - 02/09/2017 12:31

so I've been really busy this month working 2 jobs and on my 1st day off in a month my bestfriend tells me that for the past 2 weeks he's been banging my gf while i was at work and that they have decided to make it official and all of our friends have been supporting them in their relationship.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 10:56

Today, I realized that I've been waiting almost a month for my ex wife to move back and rejoin the family. only to get a text the day before our kids birthday, that she's bringing her boyfriend to my house.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 11

By officer maple - 02/09/2017 14:42 - Philippines - San Pedro

Today, as a police officer and having been through so many times, I had to explain that a "buy-bust operation" has nothing to do with breast augmentation. Yes, I am also flat as a washboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 07:59

Today, a woman actually link her arm through mine. To bad she was just trying to sell me sunglasses at the mall. That was the closest I've ever been to a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 07:23

Today, my mom told me that because I was gay I could no longer visit my grandma who is super homophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 11

By AFamiliarPaperFigure - 02/09/2017 07:07

Today, while yawning, I had a sudden and intense urge to sneeze. I could not finish my yawn before the sneeze caused a pulled jaw muscle. I can hardly speak it hurts so badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 8

By depressed wife - 02/09/2017 04:26

Today, I found out my husband not only has feelings for our online male friend, he also has been sexting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 8

By Hot Stuff - 02/09/2017 01:39

Today a kitchen shelf failed and many hot sauce bottles fell and broke, splattering me everywhere. I can't move because my eyes wont stop tearing, my skin feels like its on fire and my husband is at the store buying enough yoghurt for me to bathe in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 8

By TacoDave - 02/09/2017 00:18

Today I tried online dating for the first time after my wife left me. I started chatting with a cute woman and decided to Google her username. It turns out she had just been released from prison - Federal prison. She served nine years for terrorism for firebombing businesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

By Janey - 01/09/2017 19:16

Today I went to a wedding with a long time crush. I dressed to the nines to show him what he was missing. We flirted, danced, and had a blast. After the wedding we went to a party where I ran into an old coworker of mine. After we walked away he asked me for her number. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 01/09/2017 17:01

Today my niece body shamed me. She is 3 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 18

By TastedABitTooSweet - 01/09/2017 13:30

Today, I bought 3 pairs of edible underwear from a specialty lingery store on the way home from work. Why? Not to surprise my partner for the weekend, but instead to eat inside of my car because all the usual food stores on my route back home were closed and I was too hungry to continue driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 56

By Disfunction - 01/09/2017 06:54

Today, after 10 years of marriage I realized I have a "type". My husband, sadly is not it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 53

By "ugh whatever" - 01/09/2017 16:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today my cat pissed on my only school jacket so I had to wear my pink Jersey, I was then told that I wasn't allowed to wear it because I had a "invalid reason" and it "wasn't school uniform" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 7

By Shutdown - 01/09/2017 02:35

Today, I learned that one of my favorite social media sites will shut down forever in a month and a half. I then made an upset post, sad that this was happening. I swore in it without thinking, and because the social media site is so strict with swearing, I was banned for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 59

By B-rad - 01/09/2017 02:05

Today my boyfriend and I decided to get a kitten. We asked if she is litter trained and they said yes. We showed her the litter box and where things are....I caught her taking a dump on the floor. Guess who's cleaning the carpets.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

By "Sashamar" - 01/09/2017 00:53

Today, after over two months of waiting, the product I ordered from overseas came. Today, I found out that it is a fake and won't work at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 9

By Heath - 31/08/2017 23:00

Today, my dad's father of the bride speech turned nasty and ended in him walking out of the wedding because he realised he can't stand to be in the same room as his daughter and new lesbian daughter in law. He's also writing me out of his will and banned me from talking to him ever again FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 13

By Bevie - 31/08/2017 20:34

Today after the hurricane finally left our area I tried to entertain my family with a game of cards however I was told by each consecutive person either that they would rather go through the hurricane all over again or to f-off vs playing cards with me FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 9

By "trgeorge2" - 31/08/2017 20:17

Today, I woke up to a text from my now ex-gf. She broke up with me. With a text. From the phone I paid for. On the phone plan I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 15

By catlesslady - 31/08/2017 15:31 - South Africa - Westville

Today, the street I live in has a group chat for updates. Someone mentioned a cat being knocked down at the top of our road. I'd recently lost mine and thought how awful it would be for the owner to see it left there. Wanting to help, I went to go pick it up and it was my other cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 8

By anon - 31/08/2017 13:36

Today, the kitchen I have worked on for a year is finally finished. It is beautiful. This is also the day that the water pipe just in the middle of the kitchen has decided to break. The entire kitchen has to be taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 31/08/2017 19:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today I went on a double date and let my friend convince me to buy tequila shots and cleansers for afterwards. One of the cleansers was a Bloody Mary. I'm allergic to tomatoes. I vomited all over the table. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 43

By TSP - 30/08/2017 21:23

Today I found out that I'm in love with a man, who is in love with a woman, who is in love with me. We're all friends.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 14:40

Today, I found out that my intense skin breakout is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to try and reduce my acne. I've been using this product for the past 10 years, 10 years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 16

By Anonymus - 30/08/2017 13:59

Today I accidentally sent porn instead of a funny picture to one of my friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 30/08/2017 13:47

1 week ago my exam that gives me 80% of my mark was handed back to me show a 98 out of 100. Today I got my overall report in which I got a C... after chasing up with my professor he said that it was a mixup and he got the wrong persons mark... but he could not change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

By GreatNarwhal - 30/08/2017 08:55

Today, I found a credit card on the sidewalk, And I decided to take it, And bring it to the bank/police station. Later this day, I noticed that I returned My credit card to the police and was using the other one the ehole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 35

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 800

You deserved it 4 166

Today, my apartment neighbors just had a baby, meaning the only place I can have my morning Teams meetings when I'm not at the office is at my parents' house. Mid-meeting, as I was giving my report, my dad came up the hall, loudly dropping strings of curses. Even though I tried to mute my mic, my boss heard enough; hello, reprimand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 131

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 156

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 920

You deserved it 3 147

Today, I was explaining a complex work issue to my team. I moved my chair back so I could see them all. The leg of my chair went into a hole in the floor, causing it to fall over and me with it. I tried to finish explaining but everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't hear. Then they realized I couldn't get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 104

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 772

You deserved it 3 124