Nearly FMLs

By "Alex Cronen" - 02/10/2017 08:48 - United States - Jackson

Today, I spent 6 hours helping deliver my cats kittens, only to have her take one look and eat them. Then proceed to pee on me before running off. I have 20 minutes to clear my head and put on fresh clothes for work fml

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 9

By tinderslut - 02/10/2017 15:21

I bought a new phone because my old one can't run tinder anymore and I had just made contact with the love of my life and agreed to meet. My new phone can't run tinder as well.

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 06:50

Today I was walking down the street and this guy bumped into me. He said sorry and walked away. When I got home I realised the 10 dollars in my pocket was gone. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 9

By BigWords - 02/10/2017 01:28

Today, my boyfriend got upset with me, not wanting to admit that I made him feel dumb about one of his favorite topics. We were talking politics and I had to explain how a republic and a republican were two different things. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By "catty_13" - 01/10/2017 15:22 - United States - Omaha

Today I started my new job at a hospital. Nothing new, I've been doing this job for a long time. However, I was not prepared to spend the first hour of my day cleaning a recently deceased person and then bringing them to the freezer in the morgue.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 8

By "Raven Ruiz" - 01/10/2017 20:32

Today, while cleaning the drains at work my wrist got stuck between two pipes, I called my coworker to ask for help but he couldn't because "he felt uncomfortable" because in that position part of my thong strap was showing. I struggled for 20 mins before I finally got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 10

By DesperateHousewife - 01/10/2017 15:58

Today, I got to know how unappreciated housewives are. I spent the whole day cleaning the house. When I asked my girlfriend's brother to put on the dishwasher, he told me to f*ck off and said I had basically done nothing and left me to put the dishwasher on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 01/10/2017 14:37 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today I spent 300 dollars on a video game, and while it was purchasing my power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 01/10/2017 12:16

Today, my mom was watching a documentary about 9/11th. She then got mad and yelled "it's all cause of that George Bush fucker". She legitimately thinks that 9/11th was a inside job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 01/10/2017 10:20

Today I finally had my first date, with a certain girl that I found myself more and more infatuated with. We had to postpone our first date, due to her twisting her ankle at work. We have been chatting every hour, every single day in the 2 months before the date... She didn't show up... FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 8

By Taya - 01/10/2017 09:46

Today, one of the horses at my workplace stepped on my bad foot. The reason my foot is bad is I dropped a kettle of water four days ago, and it has a small third-degree burn on my toe. After the horse stepped on my foot, I yelled in pain. This disturbed a nearby bee, which stung me on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By "GumStickExtraGmail" - 01/10/2017 08:32

Today, its officially the 2nd month I've been at my moms house. Why? She shoved food under all my couch cushions, and the exterminators can't find the source of all the ants.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 6

By SneakyDeath - 30/09/2017 18:37 - United States - Slidell

Today, I called the crisis hotline to get emotional support. The line was busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 5

By Fail - 30/09/2017 22:09

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he never wants to get married. . .to me. Too bad I'm already head over heels in love with this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By "Charlie Leivers" - 30/09/2017 21:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Albans

I told my crush that i liked him. He then made a gun shape with his fingers and pretended to shoot himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 09:36 - United States - Calabasas

Today, I turned 18. Today was also the day of the Yom Kippur holiday meaning that I can't eat or drink for the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By "longbeck4" - 30/09/2017 10:13 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I was heading to catch the bus when I say a super cute girl. As she was walking past I wanted to tell her I liked her hair or something. Running out of time I got flustered and yelled "You look so good today. I love you!". Fml

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 33

By almostunemployed - 30/09/2017 14:28

Today, I finally slept with my boss after him telling me I'm all he thinks about for 2 years. He now acts like he doesn't know my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 13:18 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, my biology teacher told me to take a bottle of concentrated acid to another room. On the way there, I decided to take a sip of some of my bottled water. Guess which one I drank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 95

By College catastrophe - 30/09/2017 09:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today I tried to charge my new tablet when suddenly the battery got extremely hot and it shut down completely. I found out that I could send it in for repair but it would take 4 weeks and I would lose everything on it. My final exam is next week and I did all of my summaries and planning on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 8

By katmstein - 29/09/2017 23:15

Today, I failed my road test. The DMV worker said I looked in my rear view camera while parallel parking. I don't have a rear view camera. Only two more months until the next test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 304

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 29/09/2017 22:48

Today, I had an appointment at the hospital. My clothes got soaked when someone in the elevator spilled their drink on me. The staff was kind enough to give me a pair of scrubs to wear home. Cue crazy lady screeching at my mom for "letting her 12-year old have a drug problem." I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

By QueenofPassivity - 29/09/2017 20:34

Today I was on the phone with a guy I've been dating when he got mugged on the street. I listened to them scuffle for 8 minutes before the thief hung up, and I didn't think to call the cops. Now the guy I'm dating is physically hurt, and I don't know how to forgive myself for being so passive. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 76

By Hml - 29/09/2017 19:48

Today I found out my wife of 5 years and mother to our 6 month old son has been having an affair.. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 29/09/2017 19:47

Today, I've been living carelessly in not properly saving my gentlemen callers' numbers as names. This caught up to me when I mistook who I was chatting with and ended up with a persistent ex lover at my door that I've been trying to cut contact with.

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 29/09/2017 19:39

Today I ran out of gas as I pulled into work. luckily I got just enough out of a gas can to make it to a gas station after work. I pulled up to the gas station and realized I left my wallet at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 20

By Valandil - 29/09/2017 19:10

Today I hooked up with a hooker. Unknown to me was that my mom stopped by to say hi. She walked in on us and fainted. The hooker is my young aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 29/09/2017 19:07

Today, my brother - after seeing my red eyes due to being on the computer too much - straight up told me "If you weren't such a no-life, I'd look for your weed dealer." I'm an Software engineering student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

By Kelly - 29/09/2017 16:47

Today my check engine light came on and it's going to cost me $600 to get fixed... My car literally passed inspection 17 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 3

By My eggo is preggo - 29/09/2017 16:04

For the past 2 weeks, my in-laws have been telling me and my husband not to have kids because we are too young and not past the 'newlywed' stage. Today we have to tell my in-laws I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 11

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 532

You deserved it 724

Today, I met a woman at a bar, and we went back to my place with her whispering many filthy things in my ear. Then my key broke inside the lock. It was 2 a.m. and freezing, and she was in a dress, I suggested a hotel, but she was now so cold and angry, she got back in our Uber which hadn't left yet and went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 350

Today, everything I eat makes me sick, so I don't know what to eat anymore now. My BMI is low and I'm absolutely starving. I can't even eat rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 130

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 460

You deserved it 4 308

Today, I found out that all the birthday presents and decorations I bought for my son's birthday got lost in transit. I ordered them two weeks in advance, just in case something went wrong. His birthday is today and his party is tomorrow. Guess who's going to be making a Walmart trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 95

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 4 297