Nearly FMLs

By "sushiii__" - 17/01/2018 20:21

Today, my employer told me I was not fired, but I should go to interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 9

By Gaddamit. - 17/01/2018 19:54

Today, I got my first child support check- for $10,000. They made an error, and I looked it up- I WILL go to prison if I can't get $5,678 in the next week, mistake or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 25

By completely effed - 17/01/2018 03:55 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I came home from being fired to my boyfriend breaking up with me.. via his mom. He wants me out by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 5

By bds247 - 17/01/2018 09:10

Today, I was walking around with my friends. A bird decided to crap on my friends head, and I, of course, proceeded to take the piss out of him and laugh. Only, a couple of hours later, a bird shat on my head too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 100

By stressed out - 17/01/2018 00:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today the Vice President of the company I work for demanded I bring in a doctor's note. I’ve already sent in two notes, and resent both notes today. I am on stress leaving due to the way I’ve been treated from my superiors and left town to help cope. I am now in stressed out more than ever FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 10

By "Andrew Kuik" - 16/01/2018 20:02 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it has been a week since my girlfriend blindsided me by ending our relationship, telling me she needed a break and it had nothing to do with me. Yet now she's interested in another guy. The same guy she denied having feelings for a couple of weeks ago when I approached her about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 17/01/2018 03:55

Today, trying to find ways to be more sexy, for the first time I tried watching porn while getting ready. My husband caught me and out of shock I closed my phone. He’s angry and not listening to me when I say it was my first time and wanted to show him. He wants a divorce. Ten years, goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 12

By joey - 17/01/2018 02:54

Today, my crush told me she likes me and I liked her back. For the rest of the day she went on to completely ignore me and won't reply to my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 17/01/2018 01:49

Today, as I was having my new violin teacher over for a lesson, my brother's puppy got out and started biting her feet. She was sitting on a bench in my living room and the dog ran under it. As I got down on my knees to grab the puppy from under the bench my teacher farted loudly in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 12

By It came true - 16/01/2018 15:57 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I dreamed that I gave a presentation in class, but everyone laughed through it and I realized I was naked. I got through the real presentation and was telling my friend about the dream during gym class. While changing, my friend yanked my towel, leaving me naked in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 16/01/2018 21:18

Today I’m feeling lower than ever. Being the sole caregiver for my wife, it is an unending job except for the few times of relief that comes. The girl we have to help works six hours on Mondays and Tuesdays to give me a break. She cancelled yesterday and today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 5

By "allie.droberts" - 16/01/2018 21:17

Today, a random guy was staring at me while picking his nose, and then he started walking my way. Suddenly, he said, "Do you want one?" His finger was covered with slime and boogers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 16/01/2018 19:43

Today, I told my doctor that my new year's resolution was to not have surgery or a tumor this year. Next month I'm scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor, she found on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

By iswear - 16/01/2018 19:42

Today, at 5 in the morning when my boyfriend left for work, I texted my online friends saying. "Boyfriend left, and I'm bored." Instead of sending it to the group... I sent it to my boyfriend, who then proceeded to play along. Let's just say it took me 2 hours to realize it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 95

By legiticant - 16/01/2018 19:34

Today, my boyfriend sent a text to a girl about how he'd rather be at her house than with his family. I was at work, and she sent me the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 4

By Better now - 16/01/2018 05:21 - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my penis isn't really small, and is in fact quite large. I thought it was small because my brother's is even bigger and I never saw anyone else's. I put up with years of unjustified teasing for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 16/01/2018 14:41

Today I went to work, only to have the work van die and having to sit on the side of the road for over an hour in the Minnesota cold. After I got back to my car to finish work, I rear ended a uhaul trailer 10 minutes later while following the rules of driving. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 14

By Jet - 16/01/2018 03:00 - United States - Glens Falls

Today, my girlfriend and I got a positive pregnancy test. Tonight she disappeared and didn't come back. I texted her and she is with another man sleeping at his place. I've been a full time single father for 8 years and finally decided to date again with this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 4

By Pigeon - 16/01/2018 08:55

Today, I worked 3rd shift and all of 1st shift called in, so guess who had to pull a double. I have worked 12 hours today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 16

By red lips - 16/01/2018 08:34

Today, I found out I was off my period and had sex with my boyfriend. I finished it by sucking him off. That's how I found out I wasn't really off my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 41

By "LilyRose8" - 16/01/2018 08:33

Today, I came out of the house & then I sneezed. Then my mum said "it's because you are wearing skirts. You are too big for it". My skirt is well below my knees & it still having space from the sides. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 9

By Diet - 16/01/2018 07:33 - Germany - Hofheim

Today, I had to prepare breakfast for school because I forgot to do so yesterday. I was then in a rush because my time in the morning is very limited. After sprinting all the way to the bus, I realized that my backpack was open. I had lost my breakfast on the way. I have school till 3pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 9

By Pad - 16/01/2018 05:01

Today, I finally decided to create a Tinder account. In my profile I specified I was looking for women. About half an hour after I created it, I got my first Super Like. Excited, I rushed to find out who it was. It was from a guy, which was bad enough; This guy also happened to be fourteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

By The Mayor's buddy - 16/01/2018 04:28

Today, some random punk pantsed me while in a crowded plaza. After being praised by his friends, he came back thinking everything was cool and tried to high five me. I punched him in the face. The authorities later arrived and arrested me. Why? That punk is the chief's relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 10

By "Devi Caitlyn Haskill" - 16/01/2018 04:21

Today, I got fired from my job from 200 miles away. I got my shift covered and the person I got to cover it didn't show up because she forgot. So now I'm without a job 2 weeks before a big move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 15/01/2018 21:57 - United States - Hanover

Today, I due to my flight overselling I ended up in a different state than I’d planned on. That would have been fine had I not already checked my bag before being told this. The flight with my bag went to an airport hours away from the one I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 3

By Bri - 16/01/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my art class and I was talking to my teacher. My hair was set in a ponytail. A kid had stolen some scissors and crept up behind me. I stopped talking when I hear a 'snip' right. Behind. My. Head. Turns out this asshole had cut off almost all of my ponytail/all my hair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 16/01/2018 02:32

Today my dog crawled into my bed like he always does, wanting to get his morning rubs from me while I’m usually half asleep. After a while, I panicked a little cos I felt what I thought were irregular bumps on his belly. Turns out I was rubbing my buddy’s testicles for a good couple minutes

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 14

By Alone for life - 16/01/2018 02:08

Today, my girlfriend, someone I've loved and lived with for over 3 years and that I was about to propose to, told me that she has a crush on my brother. Fuck my life.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 3

By Sickandpreggo:/ - 15/01/2018 19:21

Today, I found out another one of the many joys of being eight months pregnant is that if I vomit, I piss uncontrollably until I stop vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 3

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 3 482

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 265

You deserved it 2 496

Today, the guy I'm dating was supposed to come over. He would have if I hadn't fell asleep while he was waiting for me to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 843

You deserved it 3 454

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 391

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 147

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 279