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Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19296) - you deserved it (122442)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19295) - you deserved it (1572)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

#801391
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19294) - you deserved it (65234)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by bezoar10 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

#19936728
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19292) - you deserved it (4542)

On 07/14/2012 at 10:43am - health - by Anonymous - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

#19979543
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19289) - you deserved it (7147)

On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

#461
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19287) - you deserved it (8791)

On 12/06/2008 at 10:49pm - misc - by greg76 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to explain to my 23-year-old boyfriend the difference between "your" and "you're". I do this every other day, but it's like his head is permanently stuck in the first grade. FML

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (59925)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19276) - you deserved it (39252)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19276) - you deserved it (2980)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19273) - you deserved it (2870)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

#14459175
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19272) - you deserved it (5561)

On 01/04/2011 at 2:30am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML

#16030351
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19271) - you deserved it (28529)

On 05/03/2011 at 8:15am - love - by cbolig -



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