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Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

by zed / 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

by Eganstein / 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

by ~JESSICA~ / 09/11/2010 at 2:19am / United States / Transportation

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

by bad luck Bianca / 01/17/2015 at 5:30pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2012 at 2:27pm / Philippines (Rizal) / Love

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

by monochrometea / 09/08/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I got my first job after having spent months looking, and graduating college in the meantime. I got it based on my pre-college qualifications. FML

by jdmarine83 / 10/07/2011 at 3:32pm / United States / Work

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

by Potted / 11/15/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

by PrintMaster / 07/19/2010 at 10:06pm / United States / Health

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 10:05pm / United States / Love