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Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

by hale_551 / 09/11/2015 at 12:34pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

by angie429 / 11/27/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

by suspended / 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2011 at 8:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

by Jo / 11/21/2012 at 12:42am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML

by erin1985 / 02/21/2010 at 7:31pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

by quick blow / 05/15/2012 at 10:53pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

by zed / 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

by ~JESSICA~ / 09/11/2010 at 2:19am / United States / Transportation

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

by PrintMaster / 07/19/2010 at 10:06pm / United States / Health

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

by auscop / 09/17/2009 at 6:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I got my first job after having spent months looking, and graduating college in the meantime. I got it based on my pre-college qualifications. FML

by jdmarine83 / 10/07/2011 at 3:32pm / United States / Work

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

by day001313 / 04/07/2012 at 12:32am / United States (Oregon) / Animals