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Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML

#11629383
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17725) - you deserved it (42655)

On 07/03/2010 at 3:14am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

#3178
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17723) - you deserved it (4760)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by im_a_mocker - United States (New York)

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

#19658490
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17722) - you deserved it (3879)

On 05/21/2012 at 6:47pm - health - by bear - Norway (Nordland)

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

#12049549
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17720) - you deserved it (27541)

On 07/22/2010 at 7:08pm - love - by jennavankirk - United States

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

#19877317
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17719) - you deserved it (1833)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by plzdontclapme -

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

#20090541
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (1442)

On 09/27/2012 at 1:22am - work - by theotherotherguy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

#19675314
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17712) - you deserved it (3606)

On 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

#19662141
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17709) - you deserved it (3293)

On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17705) - you deserved it (36505)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

#19608555
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17700) - you deserved it (5335)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:16pm - kids - by jessye1182 - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

#18831688
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17696) - you deserved it (9741)

On 01/17/2012 at 1:13am - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

#20076781
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17690) - you deserved it (19299)

On 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm - work - by Mrs. Teacher (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

#9077477
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17680) - you deserved it (7384)

On 03/14/2010 at 4:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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