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Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

#1713155
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12897) - you deserved it (76935)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12895) - you deserved it (36887)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12894) - you deserved it (55561)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML

#19411148
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12895) - you deserved it (22997)

On 04/05/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

#20103809
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12891) - you deserved it (1345)

On 10/06/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Joey - United States (Nevada)

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

#19109454
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12890) - you deserved it (5535)

On 02/18/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12881) - you deserved it (35641)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

#1020
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12879) - you deserved it (2330)

On 01/13/2009 at 4:47am - work - by MAC - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML

#1439
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (4175)

On 01/17/2009 at 9:11am - misc - by BobbyMalone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

#20063395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (1319)

On 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm - health - by balletteacher - United States

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

#2341
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (12545)

On 01/23/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

#4151663
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12876) - you deserved it (44717)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12876) - you deserved it (8224)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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