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Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

#18095448
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16125) - you deserved it (10929)

On 10/28/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by blabla (woman) - Brazil

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16123) - you deserved it (4760)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

#20561054
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16123) - you deserved it (41014)

On 03/26/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

#10791004
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16118) - you deserved it (29966)

On 05/27/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16113) - you deserved it (60916)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

#2316
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16099) - you deserved it (5846)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:12am - love - by LC - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother bought me some « biodegradable » tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

#686
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16098) - you deserved it (1840)

On 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by mc - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

#6501261
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16098) - you deserved it (35754)

On 11/28/2009 at 8:53pm - misc - by figures - United States

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

#7711889
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16095) - you deserved it (75041)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:54pm - misc - by Obsessed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16091) - you deserved it (2038)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

#19449205
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16082) - you deserved it (2260)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:06am - misc - by Sios (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16077) - you deserved it (25949)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

#7696686
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16073) - you deserved it (5265)

On 01/30/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by virgo - Sent from mobile version



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