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Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

#19693767
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19994) - you deserved it (4934)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Danny (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19991) - you deserved it (49321)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19992) - you deserved it (10982)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19989) - you deserved it (5543)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19989) - you deserved it (2597)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

#1471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19988) - you deserved it (2085)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:57pm - kids - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19987) - you deserved it (9123)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

#19761942
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19984) - you deserved it (1851)

On 06/09/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Lily (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

#20838843
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19984) - you deserved it (61854)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

#20082521
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19979) - you deserved it (2437)

On 09/21/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Pissed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19978) - you deserved it (148690)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

#17749646
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19976) - you deserved it (8411)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Japaroni - United States

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

#6211757
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19975) - you deserved it (2991)

On 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by peacexout108 (woman) - United States (New York)



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