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Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17418) - you deserved it (61186)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

#7144399
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17409) - you deserved it (6576)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

#19705817
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (42550)

On 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17407) - you deserved it (347722)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

#13429842
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17398) - you deserved it (4820)

On 10/13/2010 at 1:28am - misc - by grow_fasterrr - (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

#19016688
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17399) - you deserved it (6145)

On 02/07/2012 at 7:04am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

#19495947
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17389) - you deserved it (3331)

On 04/19/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by noooo!!! - United States

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

#377
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17384) - you deserved it (7335)

On 11/23/2008 at 11:44am - money - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

#865
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17388) - you deserved it (1562)

On 01/08/2009 at 8:30am - work - by Webmonkey - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

#20084743
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17381) - you deserved it (2077)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

#19265629
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17381) - you deserved it (8131)

On 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm - misc - by anonamous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

#12266156
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17378) - you deserved it (26537)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:23pm - money - by Jay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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