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Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

by spandexwiener / 08/18/2012 at 12:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

by bbcgj / 07/04/2015 at 5:30am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

by salope / 08/26/2015 at 4:33am / Work

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

by AgathedeBlouse / 11/18/2008 at 1:42am / Animals

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

by lulumars / 06/14/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

by witt75 / 02/23/2011 at 1:53pm / United States / Money

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

by markzar / 05/05/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, we watched a movie in class. Afterwards, the professor asked us what we thought. I raised my hand and said it was pretentious, dull and a really poor example of filmmaking. It was the movie HE spent five years writing and directing. FML

by Nate / 03/05/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

by NoOrdinaryNZer / 07/27/2015 at 5:25am / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

by SinkyBalls / 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:29am / United Kingdom / Love