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Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

#6612451
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (2148)

On 12/05/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoutoutloud2him (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

#17694243
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (2795)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:36am - money - by julesmommy - United States (Washington)

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

#19167589
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22803) - you deserved it (7410)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

#5949212
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (6072)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by mandy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

#347
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22801) - you deserved it (3693)

On 11/20/2008 at 6:10am - love - by archer - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22801) - you deserved it (4155)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

#20109681
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22799) - you deserved it (2067)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

#5860087
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (1618)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

#13733621
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (12733)

On 11/06/2010 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

#19576314
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (8020)

On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (5475)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

#17617365
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (2385)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm - misc - by SinkyBalls - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (2908)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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