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Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

#8774277
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19733) - you deserved it (2969)

On 03/02/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by beateneggs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

#19211891
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19733) - you deserved it (3024)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:51am - animals - by raven_teen_titan - United States (California)

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

#5853326
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (40827)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

#18916870
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19730) - you deserved it (6106)

On 01/26/2012 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

#20627029
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19730) - you deserved it (49777)

On 04/28/2013 at 5:09am - work - by stupid voicemails - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

#19245415
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19729) - you deserved it (2077)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:12pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

#19322341
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (6370)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by justwow (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

#19471721
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (4204)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:55am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

#7678030
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (2681)

On 01/29/2010 at 4:38pm - misc - by minette08 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

#10726824
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19727) - you deserved it (8437)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by HairyLeggedItalian (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I made a Facebook status asking if anyone wanted to hang out. A couple hours later, I logged back in, only find the status with no likes and only one comment. The comment said "no-one." FML

#20093499
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19723) - you deserved it (6606)

On 09/29/2012 at 11:28am - misc - by Robert - United States (California)

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

#20090730
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (7359)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

#12097441
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (6083)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:13am - work - by longday (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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