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Tuesday 8 October 2013

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Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

by FriutlessApple / 10/11/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

by Ellie / 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I again failed to convince my girlfriend that the $100 in our account is the minimum amount we have keep there to avoid being charged by the bank. We have a joint checking account, and the only way to take her off it is to close the account outright. FML

by BlindInTheDark / 10/09/2013 at 2:02pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

by SunshineX7 / 10/09/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

by loserllamalick / 10/07/2013 at 10:32am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

by bitch / 10/07/2013 at 3:37am / Australia / Work

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

by calobrisi / 10/15/2013 at 3:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.