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Wednesday 11 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (3982)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

#20885188
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (3592)

On 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

#20881965
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43442) - you deserved it (4006)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

#20874059
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42850) - you deserved it (5439)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:42am - misc - by jessel_ladd92 (man) - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a "homeless" man asked for money. I gave him a dollar and he got up and called his friend on an iPhone. FML

#20879472
166 comments

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

#20878541
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42545) - you deserved it (3870)

On 09/12/2013 at 5:24pm - love - by Frenchie - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42359) - you deserved it (11450)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

#20874631
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42285) - you deserved it (2737)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:04pm - money - by Sean - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

#20883504
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42245) - you deserved it (5375)

On 09/16/2013 at 7:09am - love - by Kit (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

#20875790
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42065) - you deserved it (6167)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by Grand Slam (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

#20886516
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41989) - you deserved it (4914)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm - health - by GogurtBadass - United States (Washington)

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

#20886445
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41879) - you deserved it (2835)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:57am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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