Smoking, Fight and Miscellaneous: Cassius

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 449

You deserved it 9 469

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 548

You deserved it 26 112

By Harry - 10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 498

You deserved it 3 878

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 30 721

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 919

You deserved it 664

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 841

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 893

You deserved it 11 463

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 311

You deserved it 9 827

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 646

You deserved it 4 120

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Comments

ezflip 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

hellzrydaz 0

Friday 12 March 2010 5:08

tell ronnie you got knocked the **** out!!!

YouSeriouslySuck 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 22:58

yay I'm at the top! then I'll be moderated

JamesM9794 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 6:15

I'm w 1

Nicksaysheyyy 0

Tuesday 13 April 2010 23:03

smokey the bear. chew so you don't **** up others. even that's bad. douchefuck

jjpavo 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 8:43

ydi for smoking

Teyros 24

Friday 23 November 2012 21:03

There is definitely a point trying to be made by smoking OP. :( It won't only be your face that gets hurt by smoking!

RT_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:09

Musta been a good shot hah getting knocked out by your dad, ouch.

th3wh1tee 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:11

LOL

lamarr 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:12

lmao great fml

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

dol567 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:21

hahha....

amelinat 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:37

Is your name Laurie? Because your dad's the Comedian!

jSOPURE 3

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:39

You got knocked the **** out! :)

Tehalon 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:45

Owned by your dad, you must feel so small xD

Keywords

Relatable Public freakouts Health Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Kids Fight Family AITA Mother in law Miscellaneous Relationship advice Social Media Love Art Work Students Sleep Noise Animals Birds Mental health Medication

The Top

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 027

You deserved it 3 364

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse, and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 8 930

The Top

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 798

You deserved it 2 924

Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 390

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 591

You deserved it 4 331

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 564

You deserved it 3 742

Today, our bathroom is so cold that my shea butter and homemade coconut oil toothpaste are too hard to get out of the jar. Yes, that’s the same room I get naked in twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 205

Today, me, my sister, and my boyfriend all live together. It’s time to renew the lease. They used this as an opportunity to let me know that they’ve fallen in love and I will not be on the new lease. Our parents died in a car accident last year and I have no other family who will take me in. My sister knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 107