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Friday 26 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44598) - you deserved it (8832)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

#20799037
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44542) - you deserved it (3156)

On 07/23/2013 at 5:51am - love - by foreveralone (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

#20801131
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44447) - you deserved it (2654)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:44pm - money - by trees - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

#20815079
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44444) - you deserved it (5248)

On 08/01/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by fuckoffgran (woman) - Ireland

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

#20817414
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44352) - you deserved it (3972)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44329) - you deserved it (3516)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

#20804154
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44285) - you deserved it (3253)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

#20812476
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44054) - you deserved it (4481)

On 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm - misc - by TheSacredTeddyBear (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (3211)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43921) - you deserved it (6197)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43611) - you deserved it (24612)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

#20803187
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43568) - you deserved it (3316)

On 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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