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Monday 1 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50298) - you deserved it (5052)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49645) - you deserved it (8879)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49320) - you deserved it (4126)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49277) - you deserved it (5147)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

#20761131
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49216) - you deserved it (3120)

On 07/03/2013 at 2:48am - work - by grammarnazi-forareason (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48955) - you deserved it (8615)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

#20766607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48506) - you deserved it (2526)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

#20768438
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48238) - you deserved it (4563)

On 07/07/2013 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47289) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

#20768089
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47095) - you deserved it (3611)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:21am - intimacy - by nomorenakedpicsplease - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

#20766944
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47062) - you deserved it (4390)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46969) - you deserved it (14450)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)



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