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Friday 24 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78654) - you deserved it (4866)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67677) - you deserved it (5660)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67383) - you deserved it (14927)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66265) - you deserved it (3595)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66195) - you deserved it (15111)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64339) - you deserved it (5170)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63714) - you deserved it (13908)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20686980
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62216) - you deserved it (8227)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:23am - love - by anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61467) - you deserved it (4168)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to go with my mom to the gynecologist to translate due to her broken English. As we were filling out papers and answering questions, the doctor asked some very personal questions. I now know everything about my mom's sex life. FML

#20678467
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60354) - you deserved it (6317)

On 05/21/2013 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by knowtoomuch - United States (Colorado)

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

#20681501
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60109) - you deserved it (4043)

On 05/23/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

#20683515
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59040) - you deserved it (18709)

On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

#20690610
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58928) - you deserved it (7616)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:05am - animals - by Anonymous - United States



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