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Sunday 3 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

#20500469
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32471) - you deserved it (1989)

On 02/10/2013 at 1:08am - money - by fireenginemad - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32466) - you deserved it (4531)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

#20498998
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32404) - you deserved it (8205)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32369) - you deserved it (6979)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32324) - you deserved it (4580) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32314) - you deserved it (4470)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31837) - you deserved it (4118)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (20504)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31663) - you deserved it (4388)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31465) - you deserved it (3800)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

#20491470
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (1980)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:22am - work - by TheBaconater - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

#20483262
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31378) - you deserved it (2538)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)



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