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Sunday 13 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35094) - you deserved it (3743)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

#20465100
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34913) - you deserved it (9784)

On 01/17/2013 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by jakeeey - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34632) - you deserved it (3359)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34611) - you deserved it (4886)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, a bull escaped from the small farm down the street. It ended up in my yard and would not let me outside. I called animal control, who said, "We only deal with regular animals." FML

#20465397
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34576) - you deserved it (2326)

On 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm - animals - by bull-stuff - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34533) - you deserved it (2787)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (2790)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (6923)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34145) - you deserved it (8991)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34073) - you deserved it (3000)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

#20469230
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33912) - you deserved it (4785)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:13am - love - by StillTooYoung (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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