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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29029) - you deserved it (14864)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

#20462282
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28965) - you deserved it (3017)

On 01/16/2013 at 7:21am - misc - by pigtails (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

#20448554
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28893) - you deserved it (2550)

On 01/08/2013 at 7:26pm - health - by Curly (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

#20445704
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28854) - you deserved it (6313)

On 01/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by areyoukiddingme (woman) - United States

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

#20447616
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28831) - you deserved it (6132)

On 01/08/2013 at 5:40am - animals - by Coldandshoeless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

#20467750
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28610) - you deserved it (16278)

On 01/19/2013 at 11:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28264) - you deserved it (4899)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML

#20468389
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27673) - you deserved it (3778)

On 01/19/2013 at 7:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

#20457168
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27272) - you deserved it (36479)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27258) - you deserved it (5317)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26163) - you deserved it (3289)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26010) - you deserved it (4020)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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