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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49359) - you deserved it (2977)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47617) - you deserved it (4448)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42561) - you deserved it (3345)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

#20458912
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40531) - you deserved it (2332)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm - misc - by What a happy day (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

#20447961
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40333) - you deserved it (1760)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:45pm - work - by whateven (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39750) - you deserved it (4976)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

#20452848
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37309) - you deserved it (2156)

On 01/10/2013 at 11:06pm - love - by good job bf (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36410) - you deserved it (1026)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35475) - you deserved it (1495)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34673) - you deserved it (3776)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34344) - you deserved it (3681)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34274) - you deserved it (5410)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

#20464240
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33868) - you deserved it (3644)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:06am - love - by EmberLove (woman) - United States



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